- Gender and Relationships
How To Reignite An Inactive Relationship
What is an inactive relationship? An Inactive relationship is a relationship that has stagnated. The relationship is not moving forward because it is stuck. It is a relationship that is not progressing.
Relationships do have a beginning but as it progresses it is supposed to become stronger and stronger. The love that has tied them together through emotional bonding becomes more mature as days go by.
Tribulations face relationships but these troubles are supposed to make relationships sturdy. Instead, the problems that face relationships lead many relationships to stagnate with eventual breakup for the many. Some relationships remain dormant for a long time as the partners don’t want to breakup because of the love they’ve for each other, or maybe as a result of other reasons such as selfishness. However, letting a relationship to remain inactive presents a problem.
If they don’t want to breakup they have to do something about the relationship in order for it to remain active. Living with each other for ten years in a relationship that has been inactive for eight years will cause untold stress, desperation, frustration, exhaustion both mentally and physically and might lead to depression, hopelessness and helplessness, lack of motivation in life, mental and physical illness and possibly death.
If a relationship has to endure it must remain lively despite the challenges the partners are facing. It should be energetic, full of life, on the go, working, operational and in force. Love cannot mature if it is not faced with any challenge. Love is not determined by how well partners love each other. It is determined by how much they are willing to hold arms when the house is burning down, when the house is crumbling down, when a gun is pointed at both of them. In short, in whatever circumstance they find themselves in, they should always be at each other’s side.
Signs Of An Inactive Relationship
Why do relationships decay? Why do they get dilapidated? What might be the causes?
- Continuous disagreements. Arguments are part and parcel of a relationship. A healthy relationship consists of arguments. However, if the arguments are too many and occur very often then it’s not a healthy relationship. If issues are never solved as they are always postponed, always suspended or never solved fully then the relationship will remain stationary.
- Lack of communication. In the many studies that have been carried out, lack of communication has been cited as the most common factor leading to relationship breakdown. Continuous communication is very important if the relationship has to remain strong and fulfilling.
- Silent treatment. Some partners decide to remain silent as a form of punishment to their significant. Remaining silent will not help solve the problems that is making you to remain silent. It is better you tell your partner in order to solve it. In actuality, remaining silent will day-by-day severe the emotional bonding you share leading to breakup.
- Lack of forgiveness or not willing to forgive. Forgiveness is part of a relationship. Forgiveness is part of love. If you don’t forgive you don’t love your partner. Of course, there is a difference between forgiving and condoning a behavior. Forgiveness is for your benefit. Forgive your partner. Nonetheless, it reaches a time when you cannot condone the behavior. You will forgive him but no longer condone his behavior, for instance, if your partner persists in abusing you physically you’ll have to bring to an end the relationship.
- Abuses in the relationship. If one partner abuses the other partner – physically, sexually or psychologically – the relationship is no longer a healthy one. It will eventually lead to stagnation. Abusing a partner doesn’t display affection or love.
- Lack of respect. If there is no respect there is no love. Love cannot exist in an environment where there is no love. Respect means you don’t value your partner any more. You treat your partner as somebody not special in your life.
- Dishonesty. One of the major causes of breakups. Partners need to be honest to each other. They should be sincere to each other, straightforward, trustworthy, open, frank and direct. If there is no openness in the relationship then the relationship will remain stagnant. Partners need to be sincere to each other because they love each other.
- Suspicion. If you always distrust, disbelieve, doubt your partner then how can the relationship remain strong? If you area always suspicious of your partner, always basing your thoughts and final decisions on assumptions which are just suspicions, how will the relationship remain active? You have to build evidence instead of always doubting your partner. You cannot believe something as fact when you don’t have any evidence to support what you’re suspicious about.
- Your intention of being in the relationship. Why did you want to be in the relationship with your partner? What did you hope to reap from the relationship? What were your expectations once you engage in the relationship? Were your reasons for being in the relationship genuine or were there reasons you believed to be true but were in fact misleading you?
- When a partner tries to change his other significant. No one person can change the other person. Change has to come from the heart. A person has to be willing to change. If you are working hard to change your partner you will end up exhausted emotionally which will lead to physical tiredness. This will lead you to give up continuing being in the relationship with your partner. Don’t try to fix your partner, tell him about the need to change his behavior or else it will affect the relationship in negative ways.
- External influence. If one of the partner is influenced by his/her parents, siblings or friends then the likelihood of a relationship heading to stagnation is a possibility. While any person can have a say in your relationship because people mean well, you need to be careful when listening to their opinion concerning your relationship. If you always agree to their opinions then it will cause rifts in the relationship. Set boundaries. Do not let them influence your relationship at a large scale.
- Lack of interest. When one partner lacks interest in the relationship it means that person is tired of the relationship. He no longer has feelings for his partner. The initial flame which existed at the beginning of the relationship is diminishing slowly by slowly. The person will begin behaving and talking in a manner her partner would have never thought it would be the case.
- When one partner is committed in the relationship, having given her all into the relationship, it is evident the relationship is inactive. An active relationship involves two partners who are committed in the relationship, not one. If one partner is committed and the other is not it is a stagnant relationship as the one who is not committed is not helping in steering the relationship ahead.
How To Reignite Inactive Relationship
If you would like to reactivate your stagnant relationship, then here is only one thing you need to learn – how to be a friend on top of being a lover.
Learn To Be A Friend
Michael Bolton, in the song titled ‘How Can We Be Lovers?’ asks, “How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?” Bolton asks an interesting question. If partners keep fighting against each other, if there are always disagreements and misunderstandings, then it means the partners are simply lovers and not friends. And that is a problem. You have to learn to be friends if you want to solve problems that face the relationship.
There is a big difference between a lover and a friend. Learning these differences and what constitute being a friend will help a relationship to remain active – healthy and fulfilling. Learning to be a friend is what you need to understand because it is the only way of ensuring the relationship you’re in doesn’t stagnate; and if it has, how to ensure it no longer stagnates but flows. Not only do you need to learn to be a friend to your partner but also your partner needs to learn how to be your friend.
Top 10 qualities of a good friend
Characteristics of A Good Friend
- He pays attention, he listens. Listening is an important skill you need to develop. Don’t always talk. A lot of fights and frequent disagreements and misunderstandings occur because no one is paying enough attention to what the other is saying.
There are four phases involved in listening which are: listening to what your partner is saying, understanding what your partner has said, assessing (evaluating) what has been said and finally, responding. Having a listening ear enables a person to respond in an appropriate way as he/she has heard, understood what has been said and assessed what had been said thereby composing his thoughts to provide a response.
It thwarts misunderstandings from arising which is a common factor in inactive relationships. If you have not understood what your partner has said don’t expect both of you to understand each other. You will always be on different lines, not the same line.
‘Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.’ Stephen R. Covey
- A good friend is honest. She is sincere. Sometimes the words she says appear harsh but she means well. The words may hurt but she wants to be frank with you. If she sees you are not treating a person well, she will tell you straightforward in a gentle manner because she cares about you.
- She is empathetic. She is compassionate or understanding. She sympathizes with you. She understands what you are going through because she has undergone what you have gone through. If she hasn’t experienced what you’re going through, she will try and put herself in your shoes. In relationships, it is the same case. Try to be understanding so you can act in a mature and positive manner.
- Good friends trust each other. Not really trusting each other fully. If you don’t have faith in your partner then there is no way you will expect the relationship to be active. If you do love your partner it means you do trust him. In the absence of trust there is no love because love cannot exist without trust. A good friend does the best she can not to hurt his/her friend, she ensures she shares things with her friend for the benefit of their friendship.
- She cares so much about her friend. She is concerned how her friend is doing, why her friend is behaving in ways that are not good, whether her friend is ill and so on. She worries about her friend but not worry which leads to stress but the worry of how her friend is fairing on in life, that is, she’s concerned. Do you care enough about the relationship you’re in and your ex? If you’re not then you don’t love your partner.
- Are you dependable? Can your friend trust you with her secrets? Can she trust you to tell what is ailing her? Are you reliable? Can your partner depend on you? When she tells you something that is ailing her, will you be judgmental or say things which shows you’re disgusted at what you’ve heard? Are you able to help your partner when she tells you of something that is troubling her?
- Are you part of the problem or part of the solution? Do you always cause problems in the relationship or do you try to solve problems that arise in the relationship? Do you engage your partner in solving problems that take place in the relationship or is it you’re always complaining and blaming?
- Do you love your partner because he is wealthy, is handsome? What is the reason why you love your partner? When someone decides to be friend with somebody it is because that person has accepted the other one as he/she is. Have you accepted your partner as he is or have you accepted him because of who he is or what he is like? If you have decided to be in a relationship with someone, it means you’ve accepted him as he is like. If your priorities were misplaced then it is a tragedy and the reason the relationship is inactive.
- A true friend gives you space. He doesn’t always invade your privacy because he knows at times you need it. As a partner you need to give your partner space. At times you need to give your partner time to rest, time to visit her friends and loved ones, time to enjoy her life. She isn’t a caged animal. She isn’t your prisoner but a companion. Every one of us needs space but some of us need it more than the others. The fact is each of us needs some time of our own either to relax or to ponder on something that is troubling us and trying to find a solution. It helps a lot.
- A good friend is someone who has true feelings for you. He is happy to be your friend and is glad you’re his friend. He treasures you a lot, he considers you as special in his life. He may have no gifts to give you but his actions shows you that he is indeed your good friend, a true friend, a friend you will long to have for the rest of your life. What are your feelings towards your partner?
Don’t be a mere lover in the relationship. Also, be a friend – a friend and a lover. A relationship doesn’t start without friendship. A relationship results from friendship. Love in relationships has to do with attraction and intimacy. A friendship is different. You have heard of the saying, ‘Friends for life,’ but not ‘Lovers for life.’ Friendship goes beyond intimacy. Once intimacy ends, it is the end of a relationship of which even a reunion can never work or it won’t work out for long. An eventual breakup is certain to happen.
A friend will always be there for you both in good and bad times. He will stick with you to the end. A friend will not single you out in front of her friends. He will be proud to show you off to others. A friend will always appreciate you and she understands you, is willing to listen, is compassionate and whenever a fight or misunderstanding arises and both of you end up not talking to each other; in the end you will sort out the difference(s) which was about to destroy your friendship. True friends even when they part they can always revive their friendship because they care enough for each other.
Lastly, remember some relationships can never be reactivated. They cannot be fixed. They are beyond repair as they have been extensively damaged. In such a situation the only reasonable solution is to part. It may be you are not compatible with your partner or you had wrong reasons, or your ex had wrong reasons, for engaging in the relationship.