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How To Steal A Girlfriend

Updated on October 2, 2012

Learn the steps to make her yours...

So you've come here to figure it out huh? To learn the secrets to snaking a hottie from her boyfriend? Well, Have I got news for you.
You sir...
Are an incredible tool.

There are millions of single women in this small, small world that we live in, and none of them are good enough for you? You just have to have this girl, who's perfectly happy making someone else perfectly happy?

"Oh, but Ryan, her boyfriend? Is a real jerk. She isn't being treated the way that she deserves to be!"

"Oh, but Reader, that guy I shot? He was gonna buy the last plain bagel at Dunkin Donuts. He probably wouldn't even eat the whole thing!"

It is a terrible thing to do. You selfishly destroy the happiness of another, only to enter a relationship where guess what? At some point? She'll probably leave you for someone else.
Now, I have to be completely honest... I'm very knowledgeable about this subject because I, myself have tactically aquired a lovely lady or two who were already "In a relationship" on Facebook. So trust me, every dirty name I'm calling you, I'm reading off of my own name tag.
Hell, the girl I'm dating now? Wasn't exactly single and ready to mingle when I first made a move.

Imagine this. You spend hundreds of hours, minutes, sleepless nights attempting to capture and sustain the interest of a girl. You are cahhhhraaaazy about her. You invest your whole heart and give it everything you've got for her. And you finally get her. She feels the same way that you feel about her. And one day? You get complacent. You start taking things for granted, and you forget to do the little things. A missed lunch date here, a forgotten phone call there. And suddenly your relationship becomes like your wallpaper. Hiding in plane sight, invisible in its conspicuousness. And then, some guy. Some dude you've never even heard of, shows up in her life. And of course he's new. Of course he's exciting. He's different. He's somebody she's never gone through the basics with. She doesn't know that his favorite color is blue, or that he's seen the new Batman movie twenty times. You ask her, just to appease your insecurity, the nagging jealousy, and she'll say "He's just a friend," and hey! It's true. But then imagine her slowly slipping away, from your bed into his arms. And one day you wake up, alone with a battered ego and broken confidence.
That is the pain you intend to inflict on another man.
For what?
For a girl who's willing to trade up when things get complacent with you? For a relationship almost assured to be loaded with the drama of her previous relationship and trust issues?
Now, there are rare cases. RARE, mind you. Where the guy truly is deserving of said pain, and the girl just needs an excuse to escape, and in those rare moments, it is acceptable to be her knight in shining armor. ONLY, if you keep your hands to yourself until she changes her relationship status.
If you're in love with a girl, and you have to have her, but she belongs to somebody else?
First, make absolutely sure she isn't happy. I mean, if you really love her? Her happiness with him is more important than your selfish, and most likely physical impulses.
And if she isn't? If he is the douchebag that every romantic comedy villain has always been, and you are head over heels, Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling for this girl?
You tell her your feelings.
Don't allow yourself to slowly melt into the friendzone. You tell her that she deserves to be treated better, and that you can be the guy who does. Tell her why you care about her, not her cup size.
Hands off until he backs off.
Again, it is of the utmost importance that you respect the fact that she does have a boyfriend. And going back to the trust issue? If she cheated on him... Don't be surprised if she does it to you.
Give her space.
Nothing will completely ruin your chances like becoming an overbearing stalker. In fact, you might end up pushing her away from you, right back to him, in his comfortable, manipulative arms.
She will be hurt after the break-up.
Don't take it personally, she does like you if she was willing to leave him for you, but she will remember the good times more than the bad for an awkward minute there, she'll need her space.
Be her friend.
Actually listen... Which you should be doing anyway.

I hate myself for doing this recently. I really do. But the girl was absolutely worth it, and I've never been happier. I like to think that we're the exception to the rule.
Bottom Line- A break-up hurts both sides. and there are scars. Think of it as two hearts sharing a pump, and in the healthiest of break-ups, it shrivels and falls off, leaving both sides healthy and happy. When you steal a girl? You rip the pump out, pulling memories and feelings with it. You don't just hurt him, you hurt her, and eventually? You'll hurt yourself.
Think twice before you decide to disrespect the happiness of others.


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