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How To Stop A Divorce From Happening To You - 5 Vital Ingredients To Bullet-Proof Your Happy Marriage

Updated on October 3, 2014

Your Married Life

Most marriages seem happy enough looking in from the outside, but many couples wonder from time to time if they will end up being a divorce statistic anyway. They hope that they know how to stop a divorce from happening to them but the truth is that if they do not take action, it is possible for them to drift apart and end up alone. Life and marriage do not come with any kind of absolute guarantee but there are some things that you can do that will make sure that your marriage will last the distance as much as is within your power.

As much as you might feel a little insecure in these times where divorce and remarriage are ever increasing, one thing above all else will help you have a long-term marriage that does not end in divorce. That thing is a mindset built on making your marriage a wonderful life-long union between you and your soul-mate, and not allowing yourself to focus on thoughts of divorce - it is well believed that what you think on, what you focus on, you will bring into being. So the very first thing you need to do when you marry is be as certain as you can be on working on a happy, loving and close relationship with the love of your life. Remember you are building a future together, something of infinite value, something to be treasured and guarded, as if your life depended on it - because your married life does.

5 Vital Ingredients You Need for Safe-Guarding Your Marriage

Aside from that, there 5 absolutely vital ingredients to 'bullet-proof' your marriage and ensure a happy one:

The first vital ingredient is TIME

It is important that you make time for each other, as a way of showing your partner that you value them. You also need time together to get to know each other, to be able to talk with each other, learn each other's language and communicate together. You cannot continue to learn about each other without spending time together. You need to see the other person in different situations and that way you will see the different facets of your lover and get a fuller picture of who they are. Coming home from work, collapsing in front of the television after tea and then heading for bed is not quality time spent together.

You may need to actively make time together, that is devoid from distractions. It is also important to be able to communicate well enough to resolve any issues that come up and this does not evolve overnight. It takes TIME.

The second vital ingredient is RESPECT

When we first love our partner we see them through rose-colored glasses, but after a while the color does not seem so rosy, and we are let down by the one we love. Now, they did not mean to let us down, but being human, they make mistakes and it is easy to lose some respect for the love of our life as a result. I don't say that this will happen, but that it may happen that way, and there are other reasons that we may lose respect for our partner.

Whatever the reason, this is something that every couple needs to guard against, and they need to make a conscious effort to choose to be respectful of their partner. Love is a 'doing' word and lots of aspects of love are also 'doing' words, requiring active choices. So helping your love stay strong requires RESPECT.

The third vital ingredient is CONFIDING

As a couple you share personal intimate things with each other, that a lot of the time you would never share with any other. Generally you would not do this if you did not think that your partner would keep your confidences. This is a position of great trust and is something that can bond you together very closely. It is also a potential weak spot and it is important that you can be assured that your spouse is your greatest confidant and 'has your back.' You can potentially destroy your marriage relationship if you expose these private things about your lover or put them down in front of others, so it is important that you are good at CONFIDING and keeping your mate's confidences secure.

The fourth vital ingredient is APPRECIATION

Every person on this planet needs to be loved, valued and appreciated, and this need does not diminish as we grow into adulthood. Your spouse especially needs confirmation that they are appreciated by you, for who they are and what they do. You may think that you tell them that you love them and that they know that you appreciate them, but they still need to hear it from you on a regular basis.

Being taken for granted can be the biggest killer of relationships, not the big things that people seem to think of, like affairs.

Men, your wife would love to hear that you appreciate her taking care of the children, she would love to hear that you value the little things she does, like making you breakfast every morning. I don't mean that you have to tell her every time, but that you show her that you think about the contribution she makes to the home and how important she is in your life.

My husband is the one who takes charge in the kitchen and he runs the house while I leave our home to go to work, so he is 'tickled pink' when I tell him how much I appreciate how much he does for me, and how well he does it... especially when I say this in front of others. I am more than happy to show him my APPRECIATION, and each of us needs it to grow and thrive.

The fifth vital ingredient and perhaps the most important one is FORGIVENESS

Nothing kills a marriage faster than holding grudges and not forgiving the other when they hurt us for some reason. Unfortunately, no-one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, and intentional or not, we always wind up hurting the ones we love, usually the ones closest to us. Because they are the closest to us, these hurts are usually much worse than those of strangers, and the tendency may be to want to fight about it or at very least be righteous and justified in our anger about it toward our partner. Sometimes the last thing we want to do is forgive, and instead, we want restitution.

But, the only way to move forward in a wholesome and healthy way protecting the marriage and the partnership is to forgive, and let it go.

It is important to resolve the issue and at least talk about it so that both parties have an understanding of what happened, why, and what needs to happen from now on. Sometimes, though, it is just a little slight, something that your partner had no idea of how you felt when they did or said what they did, and if it is a one-off, forgiving and letting it go is the best thing you can do, for yourself and your marriage.

When you hold things in and don't forgive, your attitude towards your lover changes ever so slightly, imperceptively, and you lose a tiny bit of love, and whether they notice it or not, they change in their response to you as well. It is better to keep a clean slate by practicing FORGIVENESS, as often as it is necessary.

Bullet-proof Your Marriage

Stopping a divorce is just a little more than not starting one, and the start of a divorce always begins in your mind, in your thoughts and focus, so don't focus toward that thought, face the other way - turn toward a happy, strong relationship; one that you are willing to work on for the rest of your life, with the love of your life.

When you want to stop a divorce from becoming a part of your life, you may need to learn what it is that you need to do, to make sure you don't go down that road, that you choose the road you want to travel - through learning about healthy relating and how to build a beautiful marriage.

If you do not naturally have good communication skills or relationship techniques, and not everyone does, then find out how you can improve your marriage by learning those skills. There are good educational resources readily available through expert relationship books, courses and professional couples or relationship counselors. Find some that have worked for others first, as this will give you confidence that it can work for you too.

Don't let ignorance rob you of the marriage of your dreams.


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    • Johanna Baker profile imageAUTHOR

      Johanna Mary Elisabeth Baker 

      5 years ago from Christchurch, New Zealand

      Hi Bernie, thank you for your comment and while the physical aspect of intimacy is important, I think that the emotional intimacy is a much stronger force, the one that binds two people together. Congratulations on 34 years married, that is an achievement in itself these days. You are an inspiration to young married couples!

    • profile image

      Bernie K. Hopkins 

      5 years ago

      Very insightful article. I believe all five are equally necessary for a successful relationship. But I think all of these go hand and hand for the mental part of your relationship, but one physical one has been left out! I have been married for 34 years and intimacy has been the "glue" that holds the relationship together. Without it the relationship goes distant in a hurry.

    • Rehana Ferdinando profile image

      Anne Ferdinando Perera 

      5 years ago from Colombo

      This is a very useful hub. Those who want to get married, as well as those who are already married will find this article very helpful to make their relationship a strong lasting forever relationship.

    • Thundermama profile image

      Catherine Taylor 

      6 years ago from Canada

      Super hub, should be required reading for people before they get married so they have these key things in mind to make their relationship work. It takes so much more then love to make a lifetime commitment to another person. Voted Up!

    • Ask_DJ_Lyons profile image


      7 years ago from Mosheim, Tennessee

      Very insightful and helpful! Thanks!

    • Johanna Baker profile imageAUTHOR

      Johanna Mary Elisabeth Baker 

      7 years ago from Christchurch, New Zealand

      Thanks for your appreciation! :-)

    • words2inspire profile image


      7 years ago

      Awesome article, and I totally agree that being appreciated is vital to a healthy relationship.


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