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How To Stop Being A Doormat For People

Updated on January 28, 2015

How To Stop Being A Doormat For People

It's one thing to be nice to others, but you're going over the limit when you allow yourself to become not as important as the people you are trying to please. You give much of yourself everyday to keep everyone you know satisfied and over the years you've bought many friends with acts of kindness and a giving heart. However, there is one person you're forgetting about, "It's You."

You went out to lunch with a group of friends, which you do twice a week, you it made up in your mind before you made it to the restaurant that you were not going to pick up the check this time, like you do every week; but when the check came to the table you were the one who paid because you didn't want your friends to think you were being cheap with them. It didn't matter at the time that you would need the money to pay for a taxi ride home, and none of your friends even offered to give you a lift home.

You neglect your own needs so that others could like you, not realizing that they like what you do for them and they don't like you enough to respect it. Learning how to say the word, "No," and sticking to it will greatly benefit your self esteem, you will feel better about yourself after you've stood up for yourself and it's about time.

Connect with yourself, spend some time doing something good for yourself, like going to a day spa to get pampered, get a massage, go for a walk on the beach or see that movie you've been putting off because your friends were too busy to join you.

If you just can't resist doing something for someone, there are many homeless shelters and missions where you can volunteer your time to help those in need who will appreciate it. When you see that there are people who are out on a limb or in dire straits, your ungrateful friends will not be your main focus anymore, in fact you will be too busy, you won't have time to say yes to them anymore.

Sure you might step on some toes and disappoint those who had planned on taking advantage of your kindness once again, but you will not be neglecting yourself just to have a few friends. Your true friends will understand and they will get over it and they may even start to reciprocate when it comes to you. Although, if they take offense to you telling them no or turning them down, it isn't your responsibility to make them feel better about your decision to say no.

Doormats can find themselves in some dangerous and uncompromising situations epecially in a romantic relationship with a partner who is controlling or abusive. Perhaps as a child, you became a doormat when you witnessed one of your parents being passive towards the other and there was abuse in the family which led you to become a doormat in your future relationships as an adult.

Another solution people should remember when trying to stop being a doormat for others is not to worry about what people are thinking or saying about you. A doormat wants to please everyone and by trying to please everyone, they lose themselves and only please just a small fraction of people. Failing to please everyone will eat away at someone whose goal was to please everyone. Punishing yourself is never an option.

You should set boundaries and limitations for what you do for others and not have a care in the world about what reactions you get from them. Always put yourself first, because if you can't take care of your own needs, "How can you take care of anyone else's needs?" Loving yourself is not a selfish act, in fact it's very selfless when you take the love you have shown yourself and apply it to someone who is grateful for your very existence and appreciates all the good you do in there lives and they follow up with reciprocating and showing you that love too.


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    • Affinity2010 profile image

      Leslie Trotter 3 years ago from New Orleans, La

      You're welcome Dorry. Good for you to finally stand up for your best friend, yourself. You can loose yourself when you are taking care of everyone else but yourself. Ungrateful people will step all over you no matter what you do for them,,,they will never fully appreciate you are what you've done for them.

    • profile image

      Dorry 3 years ago

      I am a perfect doormat for everyone in my family. There cannot seem to be another person to babysit, nurse the pregnant/lactating mothers, meet financial needs...bra, bra, bra. And you will hear them ask "why are you thirty and without a child or husband ?" Why can't they reason and see the kind of burdens i have shouldered for them in the last ten years? It is 2014 and i have learnt to say No. I am sick and tired of losing myself for ungrateful people. Nice article. Thanks.

    • bizna profile image

      JUDITH OKECH 5 years ago from NAIROBI - KENYA

      Nice hub. I like writing about my personal experiences or experiences surrounding me and your hub is somehow similar to one of mine. Check it out. "Is it your wife or your siblings, who comes first".


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