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How To Tell When A Guy Is Playing You

Updated on April 22, 2010
A real player doesn't show his cards until after he's won the pot!
A real player doesn't show his cards until after he's won the pot!

Players come in a variety of sizes and attitudes.

Very likely you've, at the very least, been put into the game by a player wannabee. But the real players will always have an attitude that hits you funny in the stomach. There's always clues about a guy being a player, you just have to be able to tune into the "player red warning system" to be able to deflect him and protect yourself.

During the first early stages of dating you are on an "information gathering" mission that goes beyond initial attraction and romance. Keep your ears open and watch for the "red flags" that show the guy is not sincere in his relationships, that he is a player just looking to score.

Red flags include comparisons of you with other women from his past.

Asking your opinions that would normally be asked of people that are engaged or ready to be engaged such as your family goals (kids or not), your social goals (have you had a hard time dating?), your career goals (does your job come first?) while adding that you are "great" at whatever answers you give. He may be overly agreeable with the things you say.

Attempting to sound honest but keeping his options open as far as his commitment to you, and your commitment to him should be absolute. An unbalanced relationship reinforces your commitment to him and his freedom of choice at any point during your relationship.

Keeping tabs on you and the things you do with your friends, when he isn't around. Trying to have some control over what you do without offering any reasons why he needs to know. This may seem friendly at first but it's an attempt at controlling you, to make your dependence on him more secure and his sexual seduction more eventual.

Extreme amounts of flattery that go along the lines of your appearance, how sexy you look, how you are so much better than other women. And flattery that culminates in sexual advances.

Having excuses for his time but not accepting any excuses for you not being able to be with him. Another form of control to get to his ultimate goal, the bedroom.

The rules of a player are simple, flattery, pressure and control. He will wear you down if he can. To obstruct his attempts all you have to do is go slow, very slow, in the sexual speed of the relationship. Enforce your independence and do not be swayed by "futuristic questions" of what the both of you would be like as a married couple.

You are the master of your own actions, don't let the player choose the things that you do.


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    • R Pseudomen profile imageAUTHOR

      Robert Lee 

      7 years ago from Canada

      I havehad many lady friends fall into the same trap and have found this advice good to follow.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Thank you for this article. I just recently told a guy to take a hike after he began communicating with me again (after i had already ended flirting with him months previous, i never let it get any further). I wasn't sure whether i was too mean or not, but this article confirmed everything as he displays ALL of these characteristics!

    • R Pseudomen profile imageAUTHOR

      Robert Lee 

      8 years ago from Canada

      Yes, I have my awesome moments (*bashful smile*)


    • thevoice profile image


      8 years ago from carthage ill

      terrific powerful hub thanks much


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