- Gender and Relationships»
How To Treat Your Husband
When marriages fail - who generally gets the blame? Probably 90% of the time, it's packaged as the man's fault.
"He's too mean."
"He's so shut-down."
"He doesn't treat me right."
I'm all for husbands loving their wives. My first hub on this topic was directed towards the husband. I definitely believe that the husband is responsible for loving his wife and treating her the way she should be treated.
But, wives, this hub isn't directed at your husband. The first step toward a healthy marriage is for both spouses to recognize their role in marriage. Wife, you do have a part to play in your marriage, and it isn't about teaching your husband to "treat you right." :)
Remember this fact: men are different than women! You have your own nature - and your husband has his own nature. Neither of you are wrong. Both of you are responsible for learning what the other needs!
So, here are some ways to give your husband what he craves...
Respect Him For Who He Is
You did this when you were dating. You admired him and looked up to his character. You always seemed to be impressed with what he said and did (at least you acted like it!). But now, years later, do you still look up to him?
Your husband needs your respect just as much as you need his love and tenderness. You may not get this, but this man you married craves your admiration - not necessarily your love!
Love comes naturally to you...it's just part of you. But your husband lives in a world of respect and honor. If you want to motivate and energize your husband, respect him whether you think he deserves it or not.
Every man will naturally respond to a wife that he feels respects him...it just adds fuel to the fire between you!
Vocally Appreciate What He Does
This is almost the same thing as respecting him for who he is.
You see, this is another difference between men and women: guys draw value from what they do. Think about it, what is one of the first questions every guy asks someone they just met? "What do you do for a living?" Why do they ask this? Because they identify themselves with what they do.
Men equate what they do with who they are. If you want to see a smile on your husbands face, start to brag about all the things that he does. Tell people how hard he works. Talk about the good things that he does around the house and how he strives to take care of you.
For most wives, it probably won't take long to think of some things their husbands do. For others, it may be an effort to find something praiseworthy. In cases like this, it may be beneficial to brag on his motives more than his actions. Just about every husband wants to take care of his wife. Not every husband is as able as others, though. Even the less capable guys still need to hear that their wives appreciate their efforts.
Trailer For Eggerich's Love And Respect Seminar
L&R Video Conference - Well Worth It!
Understand That There's Times When He Doesn't Want To Talk
I know this is tough for most women. But look at it like this - men and women are different!
It isn't natural for most men to have long conversations about their day. But meaningful conversation is how their wives feel close to them. I believe that it is their responsibility to overcome their own nature, man up, and sit down to genuinely talk with their wives.
At the same time - if it's his responsibility to override his nature and converse with you - isn't it fair to do the same? Sometimes (not all the time) it's good to respect his need for quiet. Sometimes it's a good thing to sit in the same room, side-by-side, and say nothing to each other.
Now, let me give you a clue as to when the most effective time for silence is. Do you remember last time your husband came home from work tired, worn-out or dejected? Maybe he failed on the job or was chewed out by his boss. Maybe he just had a hard day or an unusually tough workload. Whatever the case - this is the best time to just sit down next to him and relax without saying anything. Maybe you can watch tv together - maybe even let him fall asleep on the couch without saying a word! I know it's in your nature to want to talk about everything that happened, but don't worry - he's not intentionally holding out on you!
Do you know what usually happens when a wife gives her husband some time to be quiet with her? Probably 80% of the time, he'll open up after a while and tell her all about his day.
When I'm talking to husbands, I always stress that she needs time to talk. But since I'm talking to wives, you need to know that there are times that he needs to be quiet! Do you love him enough to respect that?
Yup...that's exactly what I mean!
When I talk to guys, "being physical" it means taking every opportunity they can to touch on her and love her. "Holding her hand and rubbing her back go a long way" - I'll always tell them.
But since I'm talking to wives about the man they married, it's rather obvious what being physical means...sex.
Listen to me, the need for sex isn't a defect in your husband's design! It's in his nature!
When I talk to guys about being intimate with their wives - I'm usually referring to emotional intimacy. You need him to connect with you emotionally, right? So his responsibility is to rise above his tendency to isolate himself and connect to you.
I know that sex doesn't seem that important to you...just like emotional connection doesn't seem that important to him. But what you need to know is that they are equally important! He sees physical connection in the same way you see emotional intimacy. So, if he's responsible to meet a need in you that he doesn't have - doesn't that mean you're responsible to do the same?
Again, when I talk to husbands, I explain that the emotional connection should come first - then she'll be receptive to the physical connection. But, since I'm talking to you now, let me assure you of this: if you'll do your part first (connecting with him physically), he'll be just as receptive toward emotional connection!
Of course there's more to this issue that this...but understanding how his need for sex relates to your need for intimacy is a huge step forward to understanding your husband!
When I talk to husbands, I always tell them that their responsible to be sweet when they're having a "heated discussion" with their wife. But now, I'm talking to wives...:)
If you want your marriage to be a success, you have to let go of the times he let you down! No marriage is enjoyable as long as the wife is holding on to her right to "make him pay" for what he did wrong.
Your husband is human. He's going to make mistakes. You're going to be upset at him often. But the key to a happy marriage is to deal with those issues immediately. Don't allow that anger to stew...before you go to bed, forgive him!
Marriage counselor Emerson Eggerichs said this about most marriages he's encountered:
"I've found that most women want their marriage to be more positive while most men just want it to be less negative."
Why is this the case, because this old saying is true: "Happy wife, happy life."
So don't allow the stress of the day, the past failures of your husband, or the irritation you have toward other people to force you into being "cranky." Do those things give you the right to be irritated all day? Probably! But should you be irritated all day? Probably not...
Why is this a big deal? Because inside the nature of your husband is the tendency to move away from irritable people. Don't ask me why this is, but that man will pull away from you if he senses that you could be upset at him. Maybe it's because he craves your respect so much that he doesn't want to face a situation where he'll lose it. Whatever the case, if he senses that you might be upset with him, he's going to want to move away from you. In extreme cases, this is why guys will storm off and slam the door.
When I talk to husbands, I encourage them to man up and lovingly face the argument rather than throwing their hands up and walking away. But since I'm talking to wives now, I would encourage you to not force him to have to make that decision. When you're having a disagreement, do your best to stay agreeable. Don't ever attack him as a person, even if you don't agree with his actions!
By Far One Of The Best Marriage Devotionals!
It Takes Two
Marriage is a two-way street. Both the husband and the wife are individually responsible to meet the other's needs. The husband can't assume that his wife's needs are the same as his. Neither can the wife assume that her husband needs the same thing as she does.
Men and women are different. And if a couple wants their marriage to be strong and happy, they need to know how meet needs that they may not relate to.
So wives, if you want to keep your marriage strong, you're going to have to realize that your husband needs your unconditional respect in exactly the same way you need his unconditional love!