- Gender and Relationships»
What Legacy Are Leaving As a Father
How Would Like to be Remembered
I want to be remembered as a man who came, made great effort, and tried my best to make a difference in the lives of the next generation. What about you? What would you like? Think about both what your children would say about you as a person, and about your deeds. What will history say, about you? Are you that man whose ambition is to sleep with all the female that come across your way? Married or unmarried? Minor or matured? Or someone who had a successful marriage and had good children?
About a hundred years ago, a man looked at the morning newspaper and to his surprise and horror, read his name in the obituary column. The newspapers had reported his death by mistake. His first response was shock. Am I here or there? When he regained his composure, his next thought was to find out what people had said about him. The obituary read, “Dynamite King Dies,” and, “He was the merchant of death.” This man was the inventor of dynamite and when he read the words “merchant of death,” he asked himself, “Is this how I am going to be remembered?” he decided that this was not the way he wanted to be remembered. From that day on, he started working toward peace. He, the Dynamite King, was Alfred Nobel and he is remembered today by the great Nobel Prizes. He tried to leave a legacy better than what he did earlier that gave him notoriety. You can do the same in your marriage. Do something better than you are doing presently and leave a glorious legacy behind.
How would you be remembered? Will you be missed? You have to care that those who come after you (especially your children) are going to inherit a better world than the one you met. You have to consciously make the effort to improve your marriage before you go? History may indeed write us off as complete failure. You have destroyed and polluted and slaughtered and made a pretty poor show of marriage. Kenneth Hagin wrote, “I’ve seen the pain and pressure put upon a single mother trying to raise a family of her own. My own mother suffered horribly, even to the point of an emotional breakdown, and numerous suicide attempts.”
Children’s well-being is being taken for granted because parents are out chasing wealth. Socrates wrote, “Fellow citizens, why do you turn and scrape every stone to gather wealth and take so little care of your children to whom one day, you must relinquish it all.”
By your actions and your words, you create the atmosphere in your home. When you set a good example for your children and surround them with faith and love, you are providing the right resources that will enable them to grow up to be good men and women.
Couples are at war with each other without caring the effect on their children, making the marriage institution to break down. Each of us, individually, can do little. But if we come together collectively we can achieve great things. Hagin’s father abandoned the family when Hagin was five. He was so bitter about it that he wrote, “I know the injury that divorce can inflict in a young heart. My brother and I hated our father for what he did and even planned to kill him when we got old enough.” We must make a difference. Individually history must hold us accountable. Some people treat marriage as an “easy-come, easy-go” issue. Mal 2:14-16 says, “God hates divorce.”
Marriage is made even harder these days by the world’s view of men, women, marriage, and family. What the world preached certainly is not what God had in mind when He made us in His image, instituted marriage, and declared it good. Today’s society, however, while it’s great that women have made important and long overdue strides toward social, political, and economic quality, some women have, unfortunately, pushed for equality to the point of ignoring the distinctive differences God created in men and women so they would complement each other.
Some have even gone as far as asking, “Who needs men?” in response, some men have become passive, quiet, and unsure about their role in relation to women. In fact, they have no idea what God intends them to be, and women are frustrated because their men are not meeting their needs in the marriage and the family.
Permanence is not valued in our culture today, but it’s valued by God, the one who established marriage for us. Permanence doesn’t happen automatically. It takes work –but the rewards make the work well worth the effort. Genesis 2:24 states, “A man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
Oneness between a husband and wife is a process that happens over a period of time –over their lifetime together. Becoming one can be a hard process. But becoming one doesn’t mean becoming the same. Oneness means sharing the same degree of commitment to the marriage, having the same goals, dreams, and mission in life as a couple. It is not easy to change from being independent and self-centered to sharing of your life with another person. The difficulty is intensified when the partners come from very different family background, religion and financial background.
Make an effort but accept that it’s never going to be totally perfect. Just so long as we are trying to do something, it helps. What do you benefit that your spouse is afraid of you. Will this situation give room for affectionate relationship?
Every human being wants to be happy. Everybody wants the best this life can deliver. Nobody enjoys going around boosting of how many failed marriage he/she has had. You can have a successful marriage by believing you can. There is nothing magical or mystical about having a successful marriage. “I-can” attitude, generates the power, skill and energy needed to do.
Hindu philosophy believes that when good people pass away, they don’t die. Their names live on forever through their good deeds. Recall the last time you heard a eulogy. As people pay their respects, the most common thing talked about, are the little acts of kindness performed by the person during his lifetime. Little acts of kindness don’t go unnoticed. In fact, their impact becomes even more potent after a person is gone. That is when people realize how much those little acts of kindness meant to them. This can be demonstrated by the way a person felt dejected after the death of a partner who he/she had quarreled long before his/her death.
Calvin Coolidge wrote, “No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.” When a child is born, who rejoices? The parents, relatives and friends. But who cries? The child. However, when we die, it should be the other way round. We should be rejoicing and have the satisfaction that we made a contribution to the world and left the world a little better than we found it. Let the world cry that it has lost a good soul and become poorer.
So in order to be able to leave a good legacy to your children and your spouse depending who goes first, you must become his/her encourager. Be excited about your spouse’s successes. Be there to comfort him your partner when the business is failing or he/she is fired. Be by him/her when sickness slows him/her down and so forth. Marriage takes effort and commitment.