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How a Man Knows That a Woman is The One

Updated on May 17, 2016
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An essay about how a man feels about her.

Maybe I shouldn’t write this because I’m not a man. The source should be a man, and one who’s happily married at that. But men aren’t really good at articulating what they’re really going through and their thought process, especially in areas of love and relationships. They’re just not as aware of themselves in this area, and this isn’t a deficiency on their part, but just the way they’re wired.

But women can know very well. And the reason women can, is because we’re the ones convincing him that we are The One! Whether we’re doing this very directly or not, very consciously or not, there’s something we’re doing to convince him. And when we do this well, it isn’t by any accident. We know what we’re doing.

He knows that she would be a wonderful wife for him. It’s not just that he knows she would cook and clean. That helps, but that’s just a superficial quality. It’s something deeper than that.

It’s not just her ultimate and underlying sense of kindness either. He really looks up to her for that; she seems like an angel to him. She is an angel. Her kindness is what deeply attracted her to him, in the first place. He considers her a much better person than him.

There’s something more. He sees her not just as a wife, but as his wife, because he senses something else about her. He senses that she would be the one who would willingly, joyfully, take care of him, forever. Whenever he will be weak.

When he will get sick, and his body will ache, she would nurse him back to health. Every time. When he will be feeling down and depressed, she would lift his spirits up. Every time.

For a man, that is his wife, right there.

He can picture married life with her. Surprisingly, it’s not bad at all. It doesn’t seem like it would be stifling. It seems like it would be wonderful.

He pictures setting down with her. In a permanent home. Much of his freedom would be gone, forever. Freedom to live wherever he would want to. Freedom to leave a place whenever he would want to.

But this seems nice to him. Not the losing freedom part; the permanent home part. It would be nice to put down roots somewhere, for real. His life would be more meaningful. Meaningful is nice.

He doesn’t feel like he would be losing his freedom, either. He gets the sense that she would be very open-minded to life, and the lifestyle, that they would lead. They would share a life being open to, and trying out, different leisure activities. They would be open to meeting all types of people and making new friends. They would be open to the types of places they would live.

They would be both open to living a life, very different from the one, that either of them grew up in. Not because either of them wouldn’t like things about the life that either of them grew up in. And not because either of them would feel like being rebellious, for rebellion’s sake.

Simply because life feels more exciting and free this way. Life is meant to be lived like this. And he get the sense that, she understands this fundamental truth about life.

When a man feels this way about a woman, that’s when he knows, she is The One.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 16 months ago

      Sad but true!

      A lot of men and women are married to their "runner up" choice.

      Essentially anyone who has ever been "dumped" is with someone new because the person they wanted to be with didn't want them.

      Granted we as well as them may have matured enough to realize what we wanted was never going to work for a variety of reasons. Nevertheless it wasn't (our choice) to move on. We were forced to move on.

      Our current relationship happens because our last relationship failed.

      It's the circle of life.....

    • writinggalstuff profile image
      Author

      Donna 16 months ago

      @dashingscorpio: Thanks for your insights! I agree with you. I don't think most men fantasize about finding The One, it just comes to them. I hope that what you said in the last paragraph isn't totally true though, that's sad. :(

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 16 months ago

      In all honesty most often men aren't looking for "the one" they more or less "discover" they are with "the one". They just make the decision to get married after considering how good things are between them over time.

      Another factor to consider is most men don't seriously consider settling down until they're in their late 20s or early 30s. Marriage is not some "goal" or "hope" that men have been dreaming about since childhood.

      There is no such thing as a "Groomzilla".

      Timing is a major determining factor!

      No matter how "perfect" a woman might be at age 20 or 21 most guys in that age range are not in a hurry to become their parents!

      The very thought of getting married, signing a 30 year mortgage, and having children is the equivalent of watching their lives flash before their eyes!

      For men their 20s are seen as a time to party with friends, establish careers, watch sports, engage in hobbies, and get laid.

      The more dating/relationship experience one has they come to realize every (new) relationship has it's "infatuation phase". This is the period where both people bend over backwards to impress one another and seldom use the word "no" to anything in order avoid blowing their chance to be with her/him. If one isn't experienced it's easy to believe you've found your "soul-mate".

      Unfortunately more often than not you'd be mistaken because people don't generally show their "authentic selves" until after there has been an "emotional investment" or declaration of "exclusivity".

      It's not until you've had the major disagreements and learned what each other's "deal breakers" are that's when you can determine whether or not this is someone you can spend the rest of your life with.

      Sadly for a lot of guys they don't realize she's "the one" until after the relationship is over with. Hindsight is 20/20.