- Gender and Relationships
How and when to walk away from a friendship
Surviving the war zone
A tale of two sisters and two different problems
I recently had to do something that I thought I'd have to go through again for the second time in almost two years. I had to walk away from a few of my friends whose friendships I thought were too solid to break. I need to explain before I get any criticism about how I handled the problem.
Both of these sisters have special needs. They deal with different types of emotional problems. The oldest has a problem with reasoning, where she doesn't fully understand the feelings and rights of other people or their right to react or not to her behavior. The younger has a liver disease that affects her both in mind and body.
While I was friends with both of these sisters at one time, it took me six years to let go of the younger one because she was a friend, but she constantly badgered me about my attitude. and tried to justify every tirade with Biblical Scripture. I wasn't promiscuous, I didn't drink, or do drugs The problem was what I watched on television. By the time she decided she didn't like Poltergeist: The Legacy, the show was off the air for almost four years,ending in May 1999. I used the confrontational method on her, laying bare her own faults that went far beyond what one viewed on television. By the time I was finished with her she was in tears. Before anyone should judge another, they should read Matthew 7:5 and Romans 2:2. If you can't control the stuff going on in your own house, (or the mess in your own back yard) you shouldn't stand in judgment of others and theirs. She showed a self-righteous streak that was as big as the United States.
The older sister was a polar opposite. While she didn't have the capacity to stand in judgment of other people or have a self righteous streak like her younger sibling, her lack of understanding was a trial at times. If one answered her back during an argument, you got an even bigger argument, mainly because she didn't comprehend what you meant. The reasoning and empathy aren't there. It's all in the way one approaches her and responds to what she says. Her cold unfeeling attitude could also hurt too. She has a rigid schedule that has to be kept where any deviation from it gets a testy attitude While she understood that things like the misplaced house keys and a shattered cell phone happen to the best of the best and the not so well organized, she still tried to rush me out of the church after service just to get home.I barely had time to shake hands or talk with the pastor for the second time that month.
Three verses committed to memory
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (KJV)
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. (KJV)
2 But we are sure that the judgment of God is according to truth against them which commit such things. (KJV)
The 18 wheeler, the baseball bat, and the battering ram
Both of these sisters have similarities in their behavior. They have the capacity to dominate the people that they are friends with. When they go off on a tirade it's usually quite loud, like a child that has a meltdown in public or throws a temper tantrum. If it were a choice between doing things their way or taking the highway, I'd take the highway every time. At least the 18 wheeler coming at me would've been seen. Other times it was an unseen baseball bat hitting me head on when the self-righteous tirades from the younger occurred.. When they argued. if anyone got in the middle and tried stopping it, their head was used as a battering ram. . .
The unanswered appeal for help
The fault of this trait can be traced back to both of the parents, who both dominate, dictate, antagonize, and tirade. Their father liked to control by manipulation, sometimes provoking both his daughters. Their mother liked to dwell on bad things, using her illness to manipulate. them into feeling sorry for her. When all this mess started, their mother pleaded for leniency. The dad, while having dealt with the problems they had all their lives, laughed it off and did nothing. Sometimes he became the instigator waiting till the last minute to tell the youngest daughter of their plans, which left me out in the cold without a way to church on purpose. He would also chime in with the mother to start trouble with the olest daughter regarding her first marriage saying she ran off on him when he decided to live another type of lifestyle with another man. The sense God gave them left 20 years ago. Their inability to guide affectively had me worried for their future. While my friends at church knew of my problems, like the father, they did nothing for me. Because of the convenience of the younger daughter's ability to drive, they used her as a taxi when no one was able to pick me up for Wednesday night Bible Study or Sunday School fellowships.
I've taken the church van on Wednesday night. Sadly, because there weren't enough drviers during that time, it stopped. Mercifully, I have forgotten what it meant to have the freedom of choice. I didn't mind waiting until 7:30 p.m. to get home because they rebroadcasted my favorite show The Tudors on BBC America twice on that night.
I chose to walk away to avoid the the emotional upheaval from both sisters.