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How Do I Get a Girlfriend and Lose My Virginity?

Updated on July 27, 2020
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I'm an eclectic gal with many diverse interests. They include relationships, film, trivia, and an assortment of other things.

Losing Your Virginity Requires a Plan

Virgins over 30 years old are more common than you think. Don't be ashamed. And there are plenty of guys out there who are even older than that who've never had a girlfriend. Yes, a girl has never kissed them or made love to them. Virgins are everywhere. There's no reason to be ashamed. Virginity is one of society's greatest problems.

The question is whether you're one of those virgins who wants to do something about it. If you're not, that's okay. Some people are happier when they're alone. Some people just do better when they're not around other people. You don't have to be ashamed of that fact and, I would encourage you to own your solitude. Tell people that you made the choice (assuming you have) and that you like it that way.

However, if you've read this far, I assume you're a guy who would like a girlfriend. Perhaps sex interests you? Maybe being alone is tiresome and you'd like some guidance on what to do. I am here to give you that guidance. I will give you the steps you need to take to get a girlfriend. You will also learn the steps you need to take to lose your virginity. However, I won't go into specific details of what to do, just how to make it a possibility.

As long as you are willing to change your habits, you can do this. Let's face facts, whatever you've been doing hasn't worked, right? Can you admit that much? Just admit what you have been doing hasn't worked. Be willing to try something new. With change, you will meet women and eventually a girl will be your girlfriend.

Are you with me? I'm dead serious here. I want you to have a girlfriend and I want to help. Please trust me that I know more about this than you can imagine.

Kate Upton will not sleep with you. Stay in your own league. (CC-BY 3.0)
Kate Upton will not sleep with you. Stay in your own league. (CC-BY 3.0) | Source

You Must Change

Why can't a woman just love me for who I am? Does that sound familiar?

I'm not suggesting you change who you are, unless you molest animals or are a serial killer. However, if what you've been doing hasn't worked so far, admit to yourself it's time to change something.

You don't have to change who you are, but you do have to be willing to change behaviors. At the very least, you have to be willing to try something different. Change, at its core, is frightening. Unfortunately, I can't help you if your plan is to just keep doing what you've been doing. Those who don't recognize their own history repeat it. There's no magic pill for a lot of things. Hard work is its own reward, particularly with self-improvement. Remember, finding a girlfriend and losing your virginity is going to require effort. And that effort is likely to feel uncomfortable to you. Trust me though, it will pay off.

This change may require you to simply change your mindset or it may require going to therapy. Do whatever you have to do.

So alone.
So alone.

Fear of Rejection

One characteristic of older men who haven't had sex or a girlfriend is that they're afraid of rejection. It terrifies them to the point of inaction. They can't go out. They can't meet anyone. Sadly, they're rejection zombies.

The first thing you're going to have to do in order to get a girlfriend is face your fears. So go on, go let some women reject you. Believe it or not, it's not that bad. In fact, there's something worse than having a woman reject you. It's when you meet a nice woman and it just doesn't work for you. And you have to do the rejecting. It sucks to hurt somebody's feelings.

The bottom line is that in order to get a girlfriend, you're going to have to meet girls. And when you start meeting girls, some are going to reject you. If you can't handle that, you're just not going to get very far. I have a friend who's a smart guy and good-looking. Something like twenty-five women gave him the boot before he met his wife. Rejection happens to everyone.

Just get used to rejection. It's a fact of life. It happens in dating. It happens when you look for a job. So, start slowly and do something that doesn't carry the kind of personal, face-to-face risk you probably fear. Try this:

  1. Join an online dating site
  2. Post a good profile (read up on that if you don't know how)
  3. Email some women who are clearly out of your league (be nice, courteous, and serious)

When you email women who are out of your league, they're going to reject you. Some won't respond because they get tons of emails. Others will just say not interested. It's all a form of rejection. It's impersonal and it sucks, but you know what? It won't kill you. After you get used to it, you can move on and let women who are in your league reject you. If you try long enough, a woman will accept your invitation. Have confidence and keep trudging forward. Your efforts will pay off.

High Standards

High, unrealistic standards are not healthy. People are people. Everyone has faults. It's another quality of men who haven't had a girlfriend. So, it's time to lower your standards! Okay, you don't really have to lower your standards. Just take some interest in meeting people and finding the beauty in different kinds of women.

My male friends tell me that once they put themselves out there and started meeting women, the process shocked them. Not surprisingly, they found out many different kinds of women attracted them.


Do you like to roll around in cat poop? Walk through burning fire? Stab yourself in the face with needles? All of these things attract women as well as desperation. Indeed, fear of rejection, unrealistically high standards and desperation are woefully unattractive. Remember, following my advice is only going to make things better. Can it get any worse? Could you meet fewer women? Have less success? Of course not! You'll be no worse off than you are now. So, you clearly have nothing to fear.

If you're going to start meeting women, you're going to need to relax. You don't want to worry about each and every woman not liking you. Does everyone like you? The best thing you can do for yourself is not care. You can't desperately seek somebody's approval. Enjoy each moment of this journey for what it is and don't expect anything from anybody.

When did you lose your virginity?

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Get Online and Join a Dating Site

It has never been any easier to meet women, either virtually or in person. The internet has made it so. There are a ton of different online dating sites. They make it possible for you to easily communicate with women and arrange to meet them in person. Or you can meet them virtually. Consider the endeavor valuable experience. You will learn all kinds of things about dating and yourself. You will learn what works and what doesn't. Remember, just be open. Be open to change and to rejection. Be excited about learning new skills.

Start Sending Some Messages

The key to getting the experience you need is to email a lot of women. It's important to start up conversations with them or have them reject you quickly so you can move on. You want to maximize the number of women who might respond. Therefore, email as many as you can, as long as you're sincere. Inevitably, some will find you attractive. In other words, you want to shoot a little low. You want to email women who aren't as attractive as you are on the male-female attractiveness continuum. Look man, you need the experience, so don't go expecting to date Kate Upton right away. Work up to it. You need to learn what works and what doesn't work. Fail forward. You might need to fail a lot.

Remember this with everything you write: women like relaxed men. Just relax. If you don't know how to write in a relaxed style, do some research. There are a million sites and articles detailing how to send dating emails. My best piece of advice though, is to fully read a woman's profile. Next, casually mention a detail or two from the profile in your message. Women want to know that you read their profile. Women get more emails than they can handle on any dating site. Most will immediately write off men who obviously didn't read their profile.

So let's say you've built up a bit of an email rapport with a woman. Of course, you want to meet her in person. What do you do? Again, you want to be casual, so when you get to this point, reply the same way.

"I'm really enjoying this conversation. Why don't we meet for a cup of coffee and chat in person?"

Note this for your future success. Every date you propose for a first meeting will be a cup of coffee. It should last no more than one hour. Why, you ask? Because coffee is casual (women like that), and screams "I'm not desperate" (unless you act desperate during the coffee). While having this cup of coffee, at no time will you ask for a second date. You will do that via email or phone call later on. You will simply end the date by saying you had a great time. Tell her it was so fun to meet her and get her phone number.

This can happen to you.
This can happen to you. | Source

What's Going to Happen After That?

After you've ended the date, wait between 24 hours and 3 days to call or email her back. The reason you wait to call back is that you don't want to seem desperate. Non-desperate men have lives and things to do.

Of course, some women won't show interest. Some women won't call you back after you leave a message. Some women will stand you up on your second date. Whatever. Don't worry. Both sexes stand each other up. Make sure you're talking to a lot of women and setting up a few coffee dates on a regular basis. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. And don't get hung up waiting for one particular woman to call you. Your goal is to get to those second dates. Once you have them regularly, you'll be well on your way to a girlfriend.

You just have to keep at it from there. Keep learning. Keep trying stuff. Consume all the advice you can get from people who know what they're talking about. Keep doing the stuff that works and discard the stuff that doesn't.

Okay, How Do I Lose My Virginity Though?

Well, if you've followed all the steps, you have a girlfriend now. Or, at least, you have a woman you've seen more than once. This is the first step toward losing your virginity. However, you can't jump right into that necessarily. Once you've taken the next step and seen a woman more than once, it's time to make a move. You're going to need to ascertain her attraction toward you. Practically, this means kissing her, which means reading my article on kissing, located in the link section. You're going to want to kiss her on the second or third date. Otherwise, if you wait any longer than that, any attraction she has for you is going to wane. She's going to wonder whether you are confident at all. By kissing her, you show her you're confident and increase your attractiveness.

Once you're kissing, sex is just a natural progression. I can't really go into more details. However, I guarantee you that getting to this point in the dating cycle will open up opportunities for you. You may fail at some, get close with others. Again, just keep getting to this point, things will fall into place for you. Once you get here, just keep doing what you're doing and it will happen.

If this confuses you, ask me some questions in the comment section. I will absolutely answer and provide you with some guidance.

Good luck!

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2013 Sychophantastic


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