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How do You Control Anger - Tips on Anger Management

Updated on October 8, 2012
Anger Management - So Important Up Close and Personal
Anger Management - So Important Up Close and Personal

What is Anger and How to Control It

Everyone comes across some angry feelings at times; sometimes it's unusual and comes as a surprise, and sometimes it is a regular thing, all too often a daily thing and like living on a powder keg. So, what is anger and how to control it?

First, let's look at some of the signs that things are not quite right and what anger is...

Anger is a secondary emotion, an intense feeling of rage and one that can overwhelm us very quickly. It usually comes on the tail-end of other feelings such hurt or pain, but the anger tends to mask those initial feelings very quickly so that the person experiencing the anger isn't aware of the underlying trigger.

Signs of anger - can be a feeling of a surge of energy in our bodies, or a tension band around the head, the voice rises and volume increases, a sense of losing control, an increase in frustration, or a bubbling over of frustration, clenched fists, face screwed up, the face reddens and blood pressure rises.

What to do when anger gets the best of us? How do you control anger?

First thing to do is to get control of yourself again. If you are angry enough that you feel like you can't think straight, then get away physically from the situation and diffuse the energy of the emotion of anger running through your body.

Some good things to do to use up this energy:

- go for a walk or run - give yourself time to cool off and think about things

- do something energetic, like boxing, swimming, cycling, dancing

- clean the house or rip the weeds out of the garden

Once the hotness of the anger subsides and the energy generated has been dissipated, hopefully your head is now clearer to reflect on why you became angry in the first place. Even though the anger has dissolved, the initial feeling of frustration, or hurt and pain is still there needing to be addressed.

The best way to avoid anger building up and backlogging is to deal with issues as they arise. They don't go away if we ignore them. They build up and eventually we explode with an irrational reaction to a sticky situation. The signal that anger is being bottled is an irrational response to an incident that more often than not is relatively minor.

Ask yourself, did that stressor really warrant that 'vesuvial' blow up, and what is really at the bottom of that reaction?

The trick is to recognize when the pressure is building and deal with it before it gets out of hand. They may only be words, but sharp hurtful words are like barbs; they get the 'hook' in under the skin and do unseen damage in young tender lives, or your spouse's loving heart, and these words fester under the surface, till they themselves erupt and the destruction can then perpetuate through the generations potentially producing toxic relationships and stunted lives.

Kind Words Build Up and Bring Intimacy
Kind Words Build Up and Bring Intimacy

Cruel words spoken in haste, when venting, can do untold damage. Likewise a kind and soft word can calm the 'savage beast' beating in the heart of a hurting person. Speaking words of kindness and encouragement can go a long way to soothing the wounded spirit. Thinking good thoughts and releasing those who have hurt us, by forgiving them in our hearts, goes a long way to releasing us from the tangled web we've woven by holding onto those hurts and wounds.

Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Resolve issues as they arise.

Here's a prayer that can help you determine what to deal with, and how:

"LORD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."


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    • jtrader profile image

      jtrader 3 years ago

      Voted up and useful. Cleaning the house usually helps me.

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Some very good advice and information, Johanna! Voted up and shared.

    • Johanna Baker profile image

      Johanna Mary Elisabeth Baker 5 years ago from Christchurch, New Zealand

      Thanks Denise :-)

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Good tips.