- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Courtship Consideration and Advice
In my life I have observed that you will never know what you are getting into when you get married. Even if both sides have known each other from infancy the 'messy bits' tend to always complicate the question. The question of matrimony for me comes down to: Do you have what it takes to answer for the other person's past, present and future or don't you? This isn't a financial question as I considered it; it is an emotional, mental and spiritual question. If the answer is 'no' then you have something to worry about. Or should I say, you have some problems within you to solve. If the answer to that question is 'yes' then waiting one second may be too long in proposing, once you know your own mind and soul on the matter.
When you propose to someone, what is it that you are asking of them? What are you offering in return? The connection between these two considerations are poignant. I have always thought of a marriage as a covenant or contract; its substance being the fabric of future relations. It is important, therefore, to consider what you have to offer. Don't let it discourage you but rather sober you. Consider what you want to offer and make plans to bridge the gap. Stick to these plans. It is important. Then consider what you are realistically expecting from her. Does she know what you expect and does it please her to consider filling your expectations or do you need to make some adjustments. Uncommunicated and unresolved expectations are the cause of many very rocky parts of marriage once the hormones cut out.
When you propose, have you thought about what you like and love about them once their six pack goes to goo or their body begins to deteriorate? Do you think that fate will always keep you in the lap of luxury or if it does do you think that money will be enough to buy your continued happiness? I should hope that people would pick up a tabloid long enough to notice that this last motivation doesn't get anyone in Hollywood very far. Before ever criticizing or considering any of his or her flaws come up with ten things you love about the. While courting you should be able to do this easily. After getting married remember this list and add to it as often as you might.
I admit that I am not a romantic in the classical sense of the word. I let my head get in the way. As some have noted, "Jagged, you over think everything way too much." I am guilty. My wife will attest to that. I don't think, however, in this arena that a little forethought doesn't go a long way. It is good to have a clear understanding of your part of the equation. Emotionally you need to understand how sensitive you are to his or her feelings and make plans to improve. There is always room. Physically you need to know your capacity to do work. Doing work in a relationship is BIG. Finally, spiritually, you need to understand where his or her spiritual bearings are at. How much they expect of themselves on a deep level. If you want things to work out you need to match that level of commitment to growth and make constant strides in promoting your partners drive.
Now that most of the heavy courting questions are out of the way, understand that you will have to keep things up after the ring goes on. Your relationship will enter a new mode once both parties in the marital contract feel the binding nature of their vows. It is important that you follow through with your end. Make commitments in private to hold each other accountable. Know that you are going to make mistakes and so is she. Don't make the ones you know will break his or her heart but that still leaves a lot of room to screw up. Be prepared with a forgiveness policy. My wife and I have a saying, "Sometimes I am wrong, sometimes you are wrong, sometimes we both are wrong." It has saved our relationship many many times.
Life is beautiful. Love is beautiful. Both need to be realistic but that doesn't change their beauty. Become a beautiful person inside. Seek those who appreciate it. Live life to the fullest and let everything else go. It will be worth it in the end and many times along the way.