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How long-lasting friendship starts and the etiquette of a good friend

Updated on March 22, 2014

Getting the best out of your friend

To get the best out of your friend you need to follow certain rules

# never ask a favor contrary to her nature

# always be honest

# keep her secret safe

# Offer good advice

# be happy at her success

# Help financial in her time of crisis

# Support her dreams and aspirations

# always tell her the truth


In our journey through life we meet different people who come from various backgrounds religions and cultures but along the way we find someone who has the same ideals, beliefs and characteristics, we find ourselves developing a bond of friendship which lasts for several years.

Most of the times we do not consciously choose our friends and suddenly find ourselves having a close bond with someone, suddenly we find ourselves sharing secrets, seeking personal advice and have regular association with the person. True friendship comes naturally without conscious effort, the person just effortlessly or gradually becomes a future or part of your life.

There are certain reasons friendship occur and several situations which increases the engagement of both parties making what started out as acquaintance to friendship then true friendship, some of the reasons that contribute towards the development and nurturing of a friend are:

Job related friendship

Many lifelong friendships start from the work place, it is easy to see why friendship can happen and develop quickly, and the working environment especially at close proximity makes for familiarity. Seeing the same person six times weekly could make coworkers develop interest in the personal life of the coworker, this is more pronounce in high risk jobs like police officers, firemen and building construction workers.

Other working environments that can cause close friendship are family owned business, working in saloons, and working in an open plan office.

Two friends using a microscope

Two friends using a microscope
Two friends using a microscope | Source

Friendship through education

Going to the same school is the number one way friendship start; it develops over the years and gets nurtured into good friendship, establishing a friend in educational environments especially during our formative years is like asking why the sun sets everyday. It is unusually to go through primary school, high school and college or university without developing long lasting friendship.

This is because as we develop as individuals we tend to find ourselves more comfortable with people of like mind, such as if you love sports, are more in tuned to your books, partying and even having the same dress sense all this add up to being friendly with a particular person.

So academic situations is a sure way of developing long lasting friendships, even the memories of your school friends and the mischief you went through creates a lifelong bond that is very hard to discard.

Friendship by religion

Having the same religious beliefs especially if you are very religious can develop friendship along this lines, religion is a great binder of people of the same mind set and belief. Religion in its self has very strict tenants of worship that some times have to do with the way you dress, behavior and the kind of interaction with others, and even extends to your choice of friends.

Having the same religious beliefs can be a reason true long lasting friendships occur, that is why couples that wed under the same religious banner are more likely to have a longer marriage and friendship that those from opposing religions.

Hands with wedding rings

Hands with wedding rings
Hands with wedding rings | Source

Upbringing and friendship

We don’t have a choice which level of society we are born into but we have the choice of who becomes our friend, upbringing has a lot to do with friendship, if you are born into a middle or upper class family the likely hood of having close interactions with members of the society you find yourself is a done deal.

This is because you grow up in the same neighborhood, attend the same schools, shop at the same malls and hang out at the same relaxation spots, some couples are keenly aware of this fact that’s why some people when financially buoyant prefer to move and live in certain localities or places.

They believe if they are in an upper suburb the children would develop along that lines, even though their reasoning sounds cold and calculated there is a level of truth to this logic. Upbringing also has to do with the kind of friends your parents associate with this in a small way can influence their children’s choice of friend.

Having common interests

Friendship usually develops when you have common interests, liking the same thing is a sure way of developing long-lasting friendships. For instance if you have common interests in sports like soccer you're more likely to meet regularly at the local sports bar wherever your favorite team is playing, common interests can be in art, certain musical genre, performing arts, cinema, activism, social work, and even politics.

Having common interest allows constant interactions, and is fertile ground for discussion, arguments and disagreement which might lead to long-lasting friendship. Relationships are built on couples having similar or certain common interest because it is easier to relate with someone who understands your passion and interests. The same ideas, dreams and goals and ambition are another way friendship could develop and grow.


Which is not a character of a good friend

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Friendship blossoms if you have the same circle of friends

Same circle of friends

Imagine seeing the same person with your friends and acquaintances in most places you all frequent, the likely hood that a friendship might occur is very probable, friends of our friends sometimes end up being our own friends too. As the saying goes birds of the same feather flock together, this is very true especially when related to friendship.

Ethnicity and friendship

You must have noticed people of the same persuasion bonding together; this is more common place in lager cities or metropolis. The need for familiarity brings people together especially in new environments, being of a certain race, ethnicity, speaking the same language can be a strong bond that develops into long lasting friendship.

If you live in a foreign land a suddenly you find someone speaking your local dialect in your neighborhood you are drawn to the person simply because they speaks your language. The possibility of sharing nostalgic feelings of your country or people can draw you closer to that individual, common ethnicity is a reason some comradeship develops and could evolve into long lasting friendship.

Best friends

Best friends
Best friends | Source

Things about friends

how friendship develops
etiquette of friendship
keep secret
same circle
offer solutions
common interests
offer financial aid
show appreciation

Friendship etiquette

Relationship and friendship is generally based on trust so friendship can be nurtured or fizzle out depending on the people involved, it could have longevity or could be short lived depending on the common goals, commitment and behavioral patterns. Having good or bad etiquette is the difference between short lived friendship and the one that lasts a lifetime.

There are certain etiquette that should be observed if the friendship is to blooms and last a long while, some of them are;

Sharing private information with other

Because you are close friends your friend might disclose certain private and personal issues with you, a true friend safe guards the trust imposed on them by keeping the issues to her self. Telling a third party about your friends personal problems is adversely a breech of confidence, allow you friend divulge the topic if she so wishes by her self to third parties.

Communication is the key to friendship

Staying in touch and keeping the channel of communication open builds friendship and shows you friend that you care, by showing interest in you friends well being, family and daily challenges makes you a good friend. Without communication either through telephone calls, emails, social media chats and even letters, the friendship can be classified as cordial, short lived or close. Communication is truly the key towards a long lasting friendship.

Summary on borrowing

Always return borrowed items on the day agreed upon, never borrow the same item twice, and always try to return an item in the same condition or better condition than when it was borrowed. Try not to borrow brand new items, they might be prone to damage and might put you friend in a difficult dilemma. She might not want to borrow you the item but because she’s a true friend she might be compelled to lend you the item.

Friendship, money and borrowing

Money has broken more friendships than betrayal or gossip, when dealing with a friend especially when money is involved honesty is the best policy. Money can have very strange effect on people so being your friend you should be aware of how your friend reacts to money issues, taking money from a friend without paying back on and when due can break a long friendship.

Always try to payback loans according to your agreement and refrain from taking monetary loans form your friend if you know that the person takes money matters hard, the same goes for jewelry, and borrowing certain home appliances. As a true friend always return borrowed items exactly on the date agreed failure to do this might jeopardize the friendship.

Borrowing certain apparel might become a habit or asking for a particular bag or shoe, etiquettes means not borrowing the same item more than once, the person might not mind initially but this constant habit can lead eventually to the end of a friendship.

Good manners also means you should return used and borrowed items in the condition you got it or even get the item in better condition, if you borrow a car make sure it is cleaned inside out before returning it same goes for clothing items.

Two friends

Two friends
Two friends | Source

Show your friend some appreciation

It s easy to overlook certain things your friend does for you because after all she’s your friend and is expected of her WRONG, friendship is about compromise, appreciation and trust. Friendship is reciprocal so when he or she does something for you show appreciation, she might have changed her entire schedule just for you.

True friends usually go the extra mile to help out friends so if your friend seems to have your back always that is indeed a true friend.

The art of listening to a friend

Paying close attention to what your friend is saying can give you an insight to what exactly is troubling her, friends by their nature need someone to talk to and unburden their minds, listening to what she says makes you a good friend. True friends pay attention to both the said and unsaid words that is the true art of listening to a friend.

Learn to offer support for your friend in times of need, human beings are prone to disasters, tragedies and challenges, leading your support during this trying periods is a sign of true friendship. Support can be financial, emotional, just being their for your friend or through constructive advise.

Friendship is a lifelong deal that involves support and understanding of the other person’s trials and tribulations.

Friendship is truth

If you can’t tell your friend the gospel truth about any situation then that person is not your friend, being able to divulge secrets to a person out of total trust makes the recipient a friend. The truth is sacrosanct in friendship while others might hid certain facts about your friend it is a duty as a true friend to tell the friend the truth. Sometime the truth hurts but if the person is your true friend she would appreciate your honesty and even seek advice form you.

If telling the true causes a separation without reconciliation then the person involved is not your real friend.

Friends need notification too

When visiting a friend out of courtesy make known your intentions, they might have other plans and this might hurt the friendship, notification of an intended visit just makes good manners. Africans are more likely to popup at a friends house without notification there is nothing wrong with that but if the friend is otherwise engaged then the visiting friend should contend with having very little or divided attention.

Offer financial assistant

A friend in need is a friend in deed, helping out a friend to weather some financial situations especially if you have the money is an act of a true friend. But when money is involved as stated earlier much care is needed, giving your friend a loan is not out of place especially during trying periods.

Agree to a payback period and don’t lend money you cannot let go off this could spell doom to an old friendships, true friendship can last a life time when nurtured with love and mutual repect


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    • tony55 profile imageAUTHOR


      5 years ago from Nigeria

      Thanks Rafig23 for the comment.

    • Rafiq23 profile image

      Muhammad Rafiq 

      5 years ago from Pakistan

      Interesting and informative Hub about friendship! Thanks for letting us know how to maintain friendship forever.


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