How to avoid anger in marriage?
"The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.” - Unknown
Modern marriages has become very stressed and tensed. Work related tension, family issues, relationship problems make your married life very problematic and confrontational. You find it difficult to adjust with your spouse and flare up for feeble reasons.
You know you are being unreasonable, but your fatigued mind refuses to adjust with your spouse. Angry outbursts is a common scenario of modern marriages.
What does anger do to your marriage?
1. It makes you resentful against your spouse.
2.You feel that your spouse does not love you enough.
3. You feel yourself drifting apart from your spouse.
4.You no longer want to spend your time together with your spouse.
Anger adds flavor to your marriage only if the anger is superfluous and not from the depth of your heart. Imagine your married life as a placid coexistence with no tiny tiffs between you and your spouse. How do you think your married life will be? It will be boring and dull. It is like watching the same movie, again and again. Nothing to be excited about, is there?
Do not make your anger bitter
But when the anger you show is bitter, it leads to resentment and hostility between you and your spouse. It can ruin your marriage as nothing else. Words said in anger becomes torturous when there is no explanation for the reason of the anger. Marriage life has become very complicated because both you and your spouse undergo lots of stress and tension at work place and you need some peace at home so that you can relax your frayed nerves.
Your anger should be mild and situation prone, like an annoyance for a delayed dinner, for a missing file or anything which is light and not serious. You get irritated,you flare up and exchange hot words and turn your face away. You do not talk with each other and there is forced silence at home.
You want to say sorry but your ego fights against it. But when your spouse forgoes his\her ego and approaches you with a sheepish smile and a surprise gift in his\her hand you forget everything. You feel thrilled and ecstatic. What follows later is the blissful making up for the hurt inflicted and you feel very much in love and your spouse feels very much in love also. This is a unique feature of marriage where your anger disappears after a day of disagreement and you feel intense closeness with your spouse when he\she apologizes.
If you lead a mundane life of routine conversation, you lack and miss the lively beauty of arguing and making up. The making up is a supremely romantic and intimate part of marriage and I am sure those who have experienced it will agree with me. You should not confuse these sorts of tiffs with the grave fights you have over certain serious issues in your married life. When you fight bitterly, words spring out harshly from your heart and you drift away from each other. There is no making up in this sort of fights as your spouse is convinced that he\she is right and that you are gravely wrong.
When there is bitterness in your words your resentment gets deeper and deeper. It wrecks your marriage,but when it is a momentary flash of anger, there is no great resentment as you know that it was just a flare of impulsive annoyance your spouse feels. The anger shown is just a spark and not exactly fire.
"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” -Ogden Nash
Momentary anger is always short lived and harmless as it is not from your heart and so, very superficial. It does not go further than that. When your anger is from your heart, you must pause and rationalize as to why you harbor such anger against your spouse. If you do not discuss and sort out such issues with your spouse, your anger might well turn ugly and your marriage will become a loveless coexistence between the two of you.