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How to Avoid Becoming a Bored Married Couple

Updated on January 7, 2013

Even if you aren’t yet a bored married couple, you should read this article. Avoiding boredom in marriage is crucial to a long-term relationship that can weather the good and the hard. If you’ve taken a look at the divorce statistics, you’ll see that you have a 50% shot of not making it.

Thankfully, avoiding boredom isn’t rocket science. Here are five key principles to keep your marriage exciting.

  • Surprise
  • Competition
  • Space
  • Communication
  • Risk

Let’s look at each one of them individually.

SURPRISE

When you first met your beloved, the newness made everything seem exciting. It evoked feelings of love, fascination, and a sense of adventure. Once that ends, you can feel a natural dip in hormone levels. If you need some new adventure in your marriage, bring the element of surprise back into the relationship. Here are some ideas…

  • Wear a new outfit or scent. The visual and olfactory stimulation will trick your partner’s brain into feeling that “new relationship” energy.
  • Go away somewhere that neither of you are familiar with- a vacation, restaurant, or other locale.
  • Surprise your partner with a gift of some sort.
  • Act in a way that is out of character. If you usually wait for your partner to make the move, turn on your inner tiger.

COMPETITION

There’s nothing like a good ol’ fashioned bet or board game to get those excitement hormones flowing. You can be as daring as you wish, as long as both partners are on board. Create a scenario where you and your spouse have to go at it- with a prize at the end.

  • Board games
  • Friendly bets
  • Sports activities

SPACE

Marriage is a lot of hard work. When each individual can happily be on his or her own- whether with friends, partaking in a hobby, or doing a community project or job, time spent away is not a bad thing.

This is of course if your marriage is reasonably solid. Spending time apart creates a sense of longing, of returning to comfort, and enjoying one another. The saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” is actually true!

COMMUNICATION

Boredom creeps in when people get stuck in a rut. Ruts happen because you don’t speak up and make changes! Communication is the absolute bedrock of any relationship. It is necessary to communicate daily about more than the weather. You should have some time each day to discuss something meaningful.

There are entire books on communication and marriage. I suggest you pick one or two up- it'll help with all sorts of issues besides boredom.

RISK

As humans, we’re made for adventure. It’s not always possible to skydive or repel off of a cliff, but you can do other things that add an element of risk into your marriage.

  • Why not go skinny-dipping?
  • Plan a trip to go white water rafting.
  • Take a wild salsa dance class.

*Just make sure both parties are willing and enthusiastic!

Some boredom is inevitable

Try not to get into this mindset...

"Well we're bored and old and married, guess that's all there is," and then slump into a depression.

Life gets boring sometimes. It's inevitable. Look at it as a season THAT WILL END if you take care to inject some juice into your routine. Don't let negative thought patterns discourage you from trying new ideas. Eventually the bored season will end and you'll be back to your "lovery" selves in no time!

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    • adjkp25 profile image

      David 

      5 years ago from Northern California

      There is a ton of good advice here. I believe my wife and I could fall into the married for a long time category since we are almost up to 17 years. It is so easy to get caught up in the everyday craziness with jobs, kids, etc and forget what started your time together in the first place.

      Sometimes the smallest things can help break the monotony of a marriage.

    • Gypsy48 profile image

      Gypsy48 

      5 years ago

      Awesome article, love the video.Voted up and useful:)

    • randomcreative profile image

      Rose Clearfield 

      5 years ago from Milwaukee, Wisconsin

      Great job with this topic! Even the best marriages need an occasional change of pace to keep things fun and interesting. I love all of your suggestions.

    • profile image

      chrisinhawaii 

      5 years ago

      Awww...I love the pic! And the article, too... I'm glad MH mentioned "date night" too. That is a definite MUST.

    • MelChi profile image

      Melanie Chisnall 

      5 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      Could not agree with you more! Anyone who says marriage is a walk in the park and that they never get bored is lying. Can't be true. It's work, but it's a good kind of work. I love your ideas. Going to give a few of them a try. Thanks! :)

    • boundarybathrooms profile image

      Thomas Mulrooney 

      5 years ago from Colne, Lancashire, UK

      I think this works even if you're not married! I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years now, and while that's not an awful long time I do agree that the newness feeling fades away. We try to do as many new things as we can together instead of just lounging in front of the TV all the time, so I'll try some of your tips to spice it up a bit more too. Thanks!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 

      5 years ago from San Francisco

      What was very successful for Arlene and me was dating again. Now,if you think about what I did and your suggestions, you might be pleasantly surprised. Thank you

    • blondey profile image

      Blondey Hubpages 

      5 years ago

      Hi Julie De Neen,

      I've admired your blog, and finally get to read one of your articles.

      Nice work! Loved the video and I feel def very valid and good tips! Couldn't see it explained any better!

      Thanks

      Rose

    • Gladys Familaran profile image

      Gladys Familaran 

      5 years ago

      My boyfriend and I are actually doing the first 4 key principles (Surprise, Competition, Space, Communication) and we're not even married yet. :p We've been together for almost 7 years now. When we get bored we'll try the 5th hehe. I think this can work not only for married couples but also for those who are dating.

    • mr-veg profile image

      mr-veg 

      5 years ago from Colorado United States

      Awesomely presented article!

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 

      5 years ago

      Awesome video & tips.

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 

      5 years ago from United States

      I think Surprise and communication is needed right now in my marriage.

      Loved your insight into how to rekindle the romance ;)

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 

      5 years ago from New York, New York

      Oh I love your tips here and will say this after almost 7 years of marriage I agree that this can get boring from time to time, but you made some wonderful and valid suggestions here how to get out a rut. Great job and of course voted way up, shared and tweeted, too!!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Actually, I wasn't reading this article for either of the reasons you gave..I was just reading it because you wrote it. :)

    • ccurry profile image

      Carolyn Curry 

      5 years ago from US

      Good hub I was performing the checklist.. While listening.. great insight

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