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How to Avoid One-Sided Love

Updated on June 1, 2010

Romantic relationships require love and affection from both sides to be healthy and successful. When one person is doing all or most of the giving, and the other is doing all or most of the taking, there are going to be problems. The one on the giving end usually suffers the most. The duration and scope of that suffering depend on a number of things, including the level of self-esteem and the sense of self-worth that the giver has going into the relationship. Another factor that determines how bad it can be is how manipulative the taker is capable of being, and/or how manipulative the taker chooses to be. Some takers are so good at manipulation and exploitation that even givers with high self-esteem, going into a relationship, end up with very little or none by the end of it.


Differences


Not everybody who does not feel the same about you, as you feel about them, is the type of user and abuser mentioned above. The fact is, everyone is unique and has their own ideas about what they desire in a romantic partner. You may simply not be what the object of your affection is into. Listen and observe. Some people may tell you outright that they are not interested in having a relationship with you, and some may give off signals to that effect. Either way, you must respect his/her wishes! You can't make somebody love you. Don't try.


Don't allow rejection to make you feel bad about who you are. It happens to everyone. You shouldn't try to change who you are because of it. Just accept it and move on. It may hurt, but you will be much better off in the long run. If you manipulate someone into a relationship with you, his/her heart will not be in it. Not only will he/she be unhappy, but he/she may learn to take advantage of your neediness, even though that was never his/her intention at the start.


Users


To recognize when it is someone's intention to exploit or take advantage of you, there are things that you should beware of. For instance, watch for people who don't respect your boundaries or try to get you to do things that you don't want to do. If somebody really loves you, they do not behave this way. Also, if you are the one doing all-or nearly all-of the date planning, telephoning, gift giving, and paying for dates, you are likely being taken advantage of. If the only time your sweetheart calls or wants you around is when he/she wants something from you, you can be sure of it.


What to Do


First of all, set boundaries. If you think that someone is trying to take advantage of the feelings you have for them, establish clear boundaries and stick to them. If your crush loses interest, or he/she reacts with hostility (direct or passive), you will have confirmed your suspicion. At this point, you need to drop them like a bad habit and move on. You deserve better. Remember that! You must respect and value yourself. When you do, others will too. Don't be afraid to say no and mean it, and don't be too eager to please. Do not make excuses for someone who does not appreciate you or mistreats you. Do not act desperate or allow someone to take you for granted. Never isolate yourself from others, and keep yourself occupied with other things and people while your heart is mending. Remember that someday you will find somebody who loves you back. Save the best of yourself for that person.


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      ReddBeauty35 

      6 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

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