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How to Avoid a Bad Relationship

Updated on March 18, 2013

He Says He Loves You Too Fast

If he tells you he loves you within two weeks of meeting you, he’s full of it.

It gets you hooked quicker. He assumes if you are shallow enough to fall for that, then you’ll fall for any line he gives you in the future.

You have to be realistic – does love at first site really exist like in the movies? No. Someone wrote all of that.

I do believe seeds are planted when there is an attraction between a man and a woman that will blossom if it is meant to be. In two weeks? It’s highly unlikely. Unfortunately, if we fall into the trap of a preying man then we will never find the one we are meant to be with.

Time With You Is On His Watch

If he can only come over during the day, maybe on lunch break, but always before dark, then he has a woman at home.

This is especially true if you've never even been to his house. The same applies if he can only visit you on the weekends too.

Whatever reason he gives you that you can’t go to his house to "chill" then he’s broke and living on someone’s couch, or he has a woman at the house and her catching the two of you there isn't in the plan. Do you really want to deal with either?

Some men may just be embarrassed by their crib for good reason. Be the judge of that for yourself but don’t be too judgmental. You’re crib may not be the best looking place to him so keep that in mind. A man will still invite you because he wants you to accept him for who he is and not what he has. You never know where he could end up so keep that in mind.

But a man that has never invited you to his place and again, can only come by during the day, has something to hide. Do you really want to waste your time playing Nancy Drew?

Friends With An Ex?

If you believe you can be friends with your ex, you’re sadly mistaken.

When there were serious feelings involved and it was a long relationship, it may seem harder to let go. It's easier to run back and forth to your ex than hitting the club or bar scene again. Dating is hard but continuing a relationship with your ex can be even harder.

Somewhere in the back of your head will remain those daydreams of making things work with your ex and if you are friends first this time it’ll be different. Sound familiar? Time passes and still nothing changes. You’re not fooling him or anyone else. He just wants to see if he can still get what he wants from you without the “title” of relationship or the strings that come attached to having a girlfriend.

On the flip side of things, let’s say you've known the guy for a really long time. You've seen firsthand the kind of player he is but you’re still good friends. You hook up occasionally, but don’t make the mistake of believing you could be the “one” to change him. A woman still has her needs too but don’t waste time pretending to have a relationship of substance with this man, accept it for what it really is and continue to find your true love.

No one grows up hoping to find love in a player, so lessen your chances of that by paying attention to the signs.

He's a Club Rat

If you hook up with a guy at the club, don’t look stupid the next day when he’s dressed and gone before you even wake up!

NEVER, I repeat, never, sleep with a guy you picked up at the club the same night you meet him. If you do, you stand no chance of being more than a one night stand. Wait 7 days at least, that’s just a number to throw out there, make it how ever many you want, just make it more than one.

It’s about respecting yourself mostly. Never come across as desperate and never sell yourself short. Whether you know it or not, the club scene is very small. It WILL get around that you put out the first night if you do it on a regular basis.

Next time you go to the club see how many faces you recognize from other nights, you’ll be surprised if you pay attention. The point is you never know who that one guy could know.

Besides it’s just bad form. You are better than that. If you do though, use protection; you may only sleep with him one time but you don't want to end up with something you have to live with for the rest of your life.

Baby Mama Drama

If he claims that he and baby mama are just friends, it's a red flag.

There is a difference between being cordial with the mother of your child and claiming to sleep on her couch every now and then to see his kid. There will always be that door he can walk through at anytime unless there are boundaries set.

There will continue to be sex between them until one or the other gets involved with someone else, hopefully. Even then, that’s not fool proof. It’s like an automatic back up plan.

Now, don’t dismiss every guy that has a kid and a baby mama just be leery if he’s always talking about his baby mama like she’s his best friend. Don’t accept him always going to see his kids alone and never bringing them around you or you've never even met baby mama. She may not even know about you and then what does that tell you? A big no-no would also be the excuse that he’s visiting his kids but it’s midnight.

Don’t be a fool and don’t get caught up in his drama, especially when she finds out about you. If she acts a fool then mystery solved. If it’s really over between them then she wouldn't act a fool right? When you start getting more and more private or restricted calls there’s a sign that she’s trying to find out if “her” man is with you (the other woman).

He's Married?

He’s married? Move on. Enough said.

He will never leave his wife and if he did would you really trust that he wouldn't do that same thing to you? You can’t change him so don't try.

Married men who cheat don’t take their vows seriously so why would he take his mistress seriously? You only fulfill a fantasy for him, nothing more. There will be no white picket fence at the end of your fairy tale. He will move on with his wife, have children and live happily-ever-after. You will only be a distant memory.

He Calls At Midnight

Its a booty call!

If you only get that call from him after 9 or 10 p.m. it’s only about one thing. You can either get yours or take offense to the fact he doesn't want to see you during daylight hours. Maybe he’s a vampire? Run with that if you want to but drop him. Unless he works from sunrise to sunset and then volunteers at a homeless shelter until 8 p.m. or so, drop him. Sex is not the basis for a relationship. Sex is rain during a drought. Period.

He Only Comes By On Payday

He only shows up at that first of the month.

This one is self explanatory, if he only shows up at payday, gives you some, but then leaves with your money, you are paying for sex. Plain and simple. If you can pay your man’s bills while maintaining your own, do what you are going to do but don’t be that woman giving your man your monthly child support payments while getting nothing in return. (And no, sex doesn't count.)

Does he have a job?

After his name, find out what he does. If he is available day or night he probably doesn’t unless he works his own business from home. If he says he’s in between jobs but has been getting unemployment for the last year, is that really a good starting point? A man should be able to handle his own without any assistance from a woman.

He's Too Selfish

Or Cheap ...

The first time you ask him to stop and pick you up something to eat or you jokingly tell him to buy you something while he’s at the mall, and he laughs, red flag. It’s not about being with a man purely for what he can do for you, but a man that does nothing at all will only aggravate you.

Women like to be showered with affection. Yes, even independent women. Being showered with gifts every now and then shouldn't be a fantasy either.

The point is, a cheap man will disappoint you and a selfish man will piss you off.

There is nothing lower than a man that will brag to his friends about the money he has while he does nothing for his girl. I don’t care if it’s just to get your nails done, you should never have to ask for money. Call me old fashioned, but a woman should feel like a princess and he should want that for his girl.

Don't Blow Off The Nice Ones

You want a nice guy but you treat all the nice guys like dirt.

Aren't we fickle creatures? I will be the first to admit this. I tended to blow off nice guys because I believed I'd be too much for them to handle or I'd expect too much.

I knew I wanted a nice guy just not a soft guy.

Guess what ladies, it’s the soft ones that will be that teddy bear you snuggle up next to every night instead of that body length pillow you tuck in next to you because your “dream” guy is out at the bar with his boys.

About the Author

Sydney Spence writes everything from her opinion and enjoys blogging for fun.

Sydney has been performing weddings since 2007 and also writes from her experiences with clients or her own personal life.

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    • sydneyspence profile image

      Sydney Spence 4 years ago from Austin Texas

      Some from experience, some from others' experiences lol. Really this was part of billybuc's How to Be a Better Writer "challenge". I'm on the first one, contemplative, lol.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      It sounds like you speak from experience. I recognized several of these from past relationships.