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How to Be Without Your Soul Mate And Be Happy

Updated on July 9, 2019
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Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.

Definition of a Soul Mate

I've spoken to a few people about this and we all came to the same conclusion. A soul mate is someone who just gets you. You don't have to talk, you can sit in silence and it's not awkward. You have this connection that can't be explained in words. There's a chemistry between you that can you could almost reach out and touch. It's invisible but it's there even when you aren't in the same room. Jeez, anyone else has a lot to live up to don't they?

The thing is that when we feel this way about someone, anything else seems like second best. We don't always end up with the ONE. We feel aggrieved. Why would we settle for anything less than those feelings?

The trouble with such intense feelings is that they can be overwhelming. We don't always know how to deal with them. In my experience such a relationship can be all consuming. Is that a good thing?

Sometimes I think it's better for your soul mate to be your best friend rather than your partner in life. You get that amazing connection without all of the other stuff.

What Happens When The Relationship Ends?

If you've had a relationship that's ended with your actual other half, you know the one that makes you feel right, whole and the way you were meant to be. How do you move on and have and fulfilling relationship with someone else?

What you have to remember here is that you broke up for a reason. One or both of you decided to end it. Maybe you were the only half of the relationship that felt so strongly. Maybe he or she took a step back, perhaps it was too intense and you needed space to work out what it was and if it really was love and not something else entirely. You worked it out, you feel it was love after all but now it's too late. They have moved on and you don't know what to do with yourself.

Don't worry. There is light at the end of this very long, very dark tunnel. You soul mate or the person you feel is the only one for you is not the be all and end all. You can go on to have something great with someone else. Sometimes a lack of intensity can be a good thing because life opens up and it becomes about more than that one person.

The One is Not Always The One

We feel they are the one and the only one because we have become closed off to anyone else. What's the point, I'll never feel like that again? Maybe not, but can you honestly say it was always the best feeling in the world?

As the song goes: If I lose the highs at least I'm spared the lows. Full on all consuming love can be wonderful, but it can also be bloody difficult.

The ONE for you might be that person that takes life as it comes, has fun and treats you well. They might even be a bit hot too! Imagine all of that without the angst. Can you do that for a moment?

Who we consider to be our soulmate may not actually be all that good for us on an emotional level.

I am a person of extremes, or at least I was. When I love someone that's it. I love them for life. I used to think it was unfortunate for me, but now I don't mind. I accept that's the way that I am and I appreciate that one person (we all have one) for being in my life at that point. I am glad I have felt that kind of love. It once seemed like a curse, but now I see it as an experience that I am glad of.

How to Get Over Your Soul Mate

I'd say don't even try to get over them. Trying to do anything will inevitably lead to more anxiety and resistance.

Let them be there and be glad that you have experienced something amazing, crazy, beautiful, horrible, terrifying and just damned right confusing. Let them go (metaphorically) and decide what qualities you would like in your next relationship. Perhaps all of the good stuff, all of the fun and the excitement without the intensity. Yeah, that sounds good to me.

All of this is just my take on what a soul mate is of course.


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