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6 Easy Steps to Break Free from the Friendzone

Updated on March 30, 2015
Turn that friendship into a long lasting relationship.
Turn that friendship into a long lasting relationship.

The Common Problem

If you're reading this you most likely have a problem. This problem is commonly known as the "friendzone". Let me tell you from personal experience that this is not a nice problem.

Whether you have strong feelings or you're unsure of what you feel towards your "friend" this guide is here to change that friendship (or crush) into a long lasting relationship.

Ever since my first friend zone situation back in freshman year of highschool, I vowed to never let it happen to me again. Now in College I have a foolproof 6 step plan to break free from the friendzone.

This 6 step plan isn't strictly for any gender. These methods affect both genders equally.

An outline of this article is as follows:

  1. Acknowledge Where You Stand
  2. Changing Their Perspective
  3. Becoming a Better You
  4. Ask Yourself "Is it worth it?"
  5. Take Action!
  6. What are your long term plans?

It is advised you read this whole article for the best result. If you can't, feel free to bookmark this page for later! Or share it with a friend... Just not the friend who put you in the "friendzone".

Gender Related Poll:

Who Friendzoned You?

See results

Step 1: Acknowledge Where You Stand

Whether male or female, you can be friendzoned.

When you're friendzoned you need to acknowledge where you stand with this person.

Some people don't even know they're in the friendzone until it's too late. This is an issue I have personally suffered encountered.

Use this check list to acknowledge where you stand:

  1. Do they refer to you as their "best friend" or "sibling"
  2. Does it seem like you're in a relationship with no benefits? (e.x: You go to the movies strictly as friends)
  3. Does their family refer to you as their "friend"

If any of these seem like your situation then you're friendzoned.

Luckily depending on how "friend zoned" you are, you may have the ability to break free!

Firstly, what you're going to need to do is confess how you feel about this other person.

Regardless of how shy you are, you have to admit your true feelings.

This can be exceptionally hard, especially if you don't want to jeopardize your friendship.

In this modern day you should be able to do this easily via text and spare yourself shame if they quickly reject you.

If you want a better chance of success call your "friend" and ask them to a date. Make sure you emphasize the "date" part.

I advise reading the rest of these steps before calling/texting your crush.

This video from Simple Pickup (Professional Pick Up Artists) is a prime example a calling for a date.


Motivation to Call Your Crush!

Step 2: Change Their Perspective

Once you've identified where you stand with your crush you have a base to build on.

Now you need to look at any time you spend with your crush as an opportunity to show them the real you. Let them see what they're missing out on.

If you're committed to winning this person over you have to let them see you at your best.

This doesn't mean change who you are or how you act in any way. It strictly means try your hardest to be the best you without changing who you are.

The following things can be changed without changing who you really are:

  • Productivity
  • Looks
  • Fashion
  • Hygiene
  • Showing your colours (happiness, sadness, joy, and humor)
  • Show off your confidence (don't be cocky)
  • Good and Bad Habits

Be sure to express yourself. Your friend may look at you differently if they know more about you on a personal level. This is the first step towards a relationship.

Don't sacrifice any of your morals for this person. If they don't accept the true you it's their loss. Never change yourself for someone else.

If you do start to notice a difference in your friendship this can be the starting stages of your relationship.

Also remember that relationships that start fast end fast. This process will take time.

By any means do not just suddenly stop being the best you. People tend to start slacking off when they have it "in the bag".

Being nice to this person is like taking medicine. You have to take it even after you succeed in getting rid of your sickness. Even after you get your crush you're going to need to keep on showing them your best.


Step 3: Becoming a Better You

You're more likely to succeed with your crush if you improve your flaws.

Everyone has them and their more personal but can definitely help with your relationship.

Some things to read up on about improving are:

  • Fitness and healthy eating
  • Better handling of emotions
  • Becoming more productive
  • Setting and achieving goals

Try to improve yourself for the better. Not only should you change for your crush but for yourself too.

Self improvement has great results. Even little things like reading for one hour every day can help you on a mental level.

Websites like Cursed Addict and Life Hack offer lots for self improvement.

Self improvement is also a great way to build confidence. If you're self conscious about something that can be changed then why not take the opportunity? It all starts with you.

Ask Yourself "Is it worth it?"

Determine if it's worth going through a lot of trouble to change someones perspective of you.

There is a high chance that this "friend" won't be your friend after. Is it worth it to risk your friendship for a relationship?

Consider whether or not you truly like this person. You should explore other options before risking something you value.

You need to put into consideration all variables. What else will this jeopardize.

Put into consideration the following before approaching this friend for more than a friendship:

  • Do you truly believe you will be better off with your crush as more than just friends?
  • Do you have the dedication to make it work?
  • What will happen if you do get into a relationship but it ends on bad terms?
  • What will others think of your relationship?

All of these are valid questions to consider before approaching your crush/friend

If none of these situations are really important to you and you truly believe you want to get out of the friendzone then you most likely have the dedication it will take.

Take Action!

When you're ready to, take action!

After dating for a while and already have confessed your true feelings it's time to take the final leap!

In order to determine whether or not you're now available as more than just a friend declare your intentions.

Show them you want to take that next step in your relationship and you no longer want to be platonic.

Talk to your crush and see how they feel. If they feel the same way or are ready they will most likely let you know. After this you're practically in! Congratulations you've broken free from the friendzone.

If you're looking for extra risk put all your eggs in one basket and want to skip all the awkward conversation just ask your crush out! That will certainly determine whether or not they have feelings towards you.

What are your long term plans?

After breaking free remember you're still going to need to treat your crush like royalty.

You can start slowly down slightly and just become a good relationship partner.

Give your crush something to admire. The little things do matter.

Start looking at where things can be going weeks, months, and potentially years from now.

If your relationship is going to be a short 2 years until you two will move across the country from one another is it truly worth it? That seems to be more a friendship situation.

Look into long term plans for your relationship.

You can also live in the moment and hope for the best. This method isn't suggested but see where it takes you. Life is a learning experience.

Also be sure to remember that being alone isn't such a bad thing. We all need time to ourselves once in a while but why can't we adapt to spend time alone frequently? You don't need a relationship with this specific person, you want one!

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Voted up and useful!

      The most common reason why people end up in the "friend zone" is because they lack the courage early on to make it known they are romantically interested in a person.

      Secondly they foolishly believe by "hanging out" together eventually this person will come to see them as (relationship) material. It's far easier for a lover to also become one's best friend than it is for a best friend to become one's lover.

      While in theory it makes sense to say: "Lets take it slow and build a friendship first". The reality is if someone tells you that what they're really saying is; "I don't see you as being (the one)!"

      If someone thinks you're "hot" they're not going to risk leaving you out on the "open market". There is no such thing as being "exclusive friends".

      They will want you for themselves! One of the saddest songs ever written was "What Am I Supposed to Do Without You" by Michael Bolton. It's about being in the "friend zone" for years secretly in love and finding out your "friend" is getting married. So much time is wasted by people pretending to be content being friends while listening to dating problems of the one they want. A "platonic friend" is a (sibling) with different parents!

      Essentially an early rejection can save one time and heartache! As you said "Take action!". Always keep this in mind:

      In order for him/her to be "the one" they have to see (you) as being "the one"!

      A soul-mate at the very least is someone who (wants) to be with you!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde