- Gender and Relationships»
How to Bring Back that "Loving Feeling."
Is it Worth Saving?
Many couples go through this and it is normal to lose each other especially after you have been together for a long time.
You have to ask yourself if it is just a lost feeling or if your partnership is just not working.
Firstly your communication is important and letting your partner know that you feel lonely and unloved is the first step. Change needs to occur willingly and if it doesn't and your partner shows know interest in trying to mend your relationship, than you need to consider your future and your own happiness by ending the relationship.
If you have tried absolutely everything to save your relationship and your partner could not be bothered than you need to MOVE ON!
However, should you feel that there is still love in the relationship and you are both willing to work on it, than there is a way back to love.
Step 1 - Communication
Time and time again women imagine that men can understand exactly what they are thinking and they get angry when their partners get it wrong. How can you expect him to do what you want if you haven't told him? Most men are not romantic and they come home from work just wanting to relax and if they could they would also have nothing to say.
You need to let your partner know that you would like to know about his day and that you would appreciate conversation because women need it.
Let him know that you feel lonely and would like for him to show some interest in you and what you have to say, even if he only pretends to listen.
Write down all of the things that have made you distance yourselves and start talking about each point individually. Listen to each point and do not respond even if something makes you angry or upset. Take in the information and each of you can have your say afterwards.
Step 2 - Process the Information
Once you have both written down all the things that are bothering you than you need to take the time to go through the list and see if there are things you are wanting to change and what you are not wanting to work on.
After you have gone through your list you then need to sit down and explain to each other what you are willing to work on and what you are not.
This process is about keeping your calm and paying attention to each other's needs and wants. It is not a reason to argue but just to speak.
Step 3 - Take Action
You have both been through the list and now it is time to work on each one a step at a time. Nothing changes overnight so be patient and help each other with the list.
Most men have no patience to do this process but just by getting him to work on a list is a huge step already and you just need to encourage him to continue to the next step.
By now you have told your partner how you feel and how things could change for the better and your partner has told you so you are both aware of what needs to be done in order to repair your relationship.
Going through the list work on one item and make sure that you are both happy with the result before you move on to the next one. Also remind yourselves that once you have completed the need on the list you have to continue to work on each one in ordr for your relationship to move forward for the better.
Step 4 - Back to the Start
Relationships need reminding that you were once friends so go back to being friends and try to get out and be social with each other.
Meet up after work for a drink or set a night in the week to go out as a couple where you will avoid talking about kids, bills or anything to do with domestics. This will be very difficult at first because you will find that you have nothing to say but just come out and speak, even if it is to reminice about the first time that you met or a time when you made each other laugh.
It might be difficult the first time around but don't give up and try again. Don't let him use the excuse that you can't afford it because you MUST get out even if you go for a picnic in th park.
Step 5 - Intimacy
This is where it gets tricky because for a man it is easy to just get the urge and go for it but for woman communication and affection is part of foreplay. Just forget that you have been with your partner for long and think of it as the start of a new relationship.
Make sure that you have set aside a date night, go and get your hair done, put on your make - up and find some sexy lingerie that would be unexpected from your partner.
During the course of the day send your partner an email, text or write a letter to show your enthusiasm and excitement for your date.
Make it simple and fun but arrouse your partners interest and just remember how you used to send each other messages.
Get romantic and once you have made it back to the bedroom, stop and pay attention to your partner because you both have your issues and you need to remind each other that you are still attracted even if you have picked up a couple of pounds and he has a beer belly, focus on the good.
Look into each others eyes and hold each other for a while then get to rediscover each other by talking about what you would both like.
Step 6 - Escape
Having children and responsibilities makes it difficult to feel loving and sexy but everyone needs to get away once in a while without having to worry about which kid needs what and what is for dinner.
Make a booking , pack a bag and get someone to take care of your kids for the weekend because you need to escape and just be in love.
Forget about home and bills and what made you angry to begin with and just think of it as a new romance about to blossom.
Remind your partner that he needs to record his sports and that she needs to get her sexy on.
Take this time to just have fun by trying new things. If your partner wants to play golf, play with him and if she wants to go to a show then go with.
This weekend away is to reconnect emotionally and physically with each other and it is not the time to bring up things that are bothering you. Again it is just to have fun and act like two new lovers.
Step 7 - Continuence
After your romantic getaway the two of you should be back on track physically and you will get there emotionally but it takes time and work and you both have to be reminded that you need to work on it in order to love each other again.
Change doesn't happen quickly so take your time but you will get back to where you can both feel the love again. It is going to take work and probably reminding on both parts but don't give up because after your weekend away you will know that this is the person you fell in love with and have spent half your life with and the person that you want to be with forever.
Try to keep the texting and flirting going on and stick to the night out every week even if you just go for a drive in your car, DO IT!