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How to Calm the Wrath of a Jealous Girlfriend

Updated on April 1, 2013
Notice how not only are their arms crossed, but their legs too... the precursor to the wrath of a jealous girlfriend.
Notice how not only are their arms crossed, but their legs too... the precursor to the wrath of a jealous girlfriend. | Source

When one of the guys has a jealous girlfriend, it's not safe for anyone - especially if she blows up over nothing at all. Everyone is involved even if they don't think they are - the jealous girlfriend involves all of his friends and if she is upset with her boyfriend, she is upset with them all.

She knows all his friends numbers, and will call them if she can't get in touch with them. She knows his schedule like the back of her hand, and she will call him to make sure he's where he is supposed to be.

It's a very volatile situation and being in a relationship with a partner that is extremely jealous is very nerve wracking and sometimes not worth being a part of that relationship. To say that there are trust issues is putting it mildly, but that's for someone with much more degrees than I have. For now, let's focus on how to calm the wrath of a jealous girlfriend. This hub will cover the following topics:

  • Is My Girlfriend Jealous?
  • How to Deal with Jealousy
  • Jealousy and Insecurity

It's all in the eyes
It's all in the eyes | Source

Is My Girlfriend Jealous

I don't think any guy starts off a relationship with any fore-knowledge of if his new girlfriend has a jealous streak in her, sometimes jealousy lays dormant until the honeymoon of a blossoming relationship is over.

Sometimes it starts gradually, other times it's like a toggle switch that gets flipped on seemingly for no reason at all. Some guys won't even know what's coming until a full blown episode occurs because he was 30 minutes late, and didn't bother to call her and let her know.

Here are a few hints that your girlfriend might be having some issues with jealousy:

If your girlfriend is calling you 20 times a day to check on you, she is probably a jealous girlfriend. If she finds out that your work buddy Tony is really an Antoinette and she wants you to stop hanging out with her even though you've been working with Tony for six years and have been with her for 6 months - yeah, she's jealous.

If she watches you like a hawk when you go out, and wants to start a fight with any girl that talks to you - yes, even the waitress taking your order. I would say that she is jealous. If she feels you spend more time with your friends than with her, or if she doesn't know why you have to visit your mom at least a few times a month she may have a weird kind of jealousy issue there. If your girlfriend has some of these symptoms, you have a jealous girlfriend.

He wants to move past the issue, but she seems like shes not ready just yet.
He wants to move past the issue, but she seems like shes not ready just yet. | Source

How to Deal with Jealousy

Jealous girlfriends are very clear on what they expect from their boyfriends - if you fall outside those lines, or if you cross the line because you didn't think that it was serious enough, you will suffer the wrath. If you just want to keep the peace, just know what the boundaries are, and play inside the lines.

If something new develops, make the adjustment, and stay within those lines. Use extra care around the issues that matter to her. If she doesn't like you kissing anyone, not even for social gatherings, don't do it. Once you're use to the arrangement, you get pretty quick in offering your hand to shake instead of dealing with a cheek to cheek. Your girl sees this, and knows that you love her.

There's no easy way to battle this head on, it just takes time. If your love is strong, it's a small consolation as long as the relationship is health and not abusive.

Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner was jealous?

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Jealousy and Insecurity

Jealousy is closely linked to insecurity, and it may be something as simple as having a talk where each person will commit to boundaries, but that usually just side-steps all the issues.

Jealousy can be baggage that she brings to the relationship from an earlier relationship that she had with someone that wasn't faithful. That can turn on as soon as she feels that she is in love with you, or she may not be wanting to let herself get that far to avoid being hurt by you.

Jealousy coupled with insecurity is a pretty sick combination. Jealousy seems to be more of the aggressive state while insecurity is more of the passive or re-gressive state. She feels that you will leave her, and this usually flip-flops into a phrase like this: "Why are you talking to your friend Tonie at work so much, do you love her - are you going to leave me?!!"

Sometimes jealousy is just a by-product of trust - or the lack thereof. She doesn't trust you to obey her rules so she must always know where you are 24 hours a day. If she tries to locate you by calling, and you don't answer right away, you must be having an affair with that waitress that she saw you talking to when you ordered your food.

Jealousy is hard to get through, but you know that love conquers all, and when trust is finally given you, everything will be okay - so don't screw it up, you may not get a second chance.


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    • KawikaChann profile image

      KawikaChann 2 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place

      As always, it's great to hear from you and thanks a bunch for your comment. If more people shared your rationality and insight the world would be a better place Alun.

      I've seen the pendulum swing both ways from aloofness to darn-right-psychotic from friends and friends-of-friends-of friends. In both extremes there is danger to some degree - true love I think plays dangerously between the two with a lot of tippy-toeing about both lines. I think in many cultures they call this "passion", in others... not so much. Peace. Kawi.

    • Greensleeves Hubs profile image

      Greensleeves Hubs 2 years ago from Essex, UK

      Hi Kawi; It is, I think, nice to have a girlfriend who feels that she needs you so much and cannot be without you. It's nice to feel needed. I know I worry so much when in a relationship about losing the love of my girlfriend. If that is 'insecurity', then I think it is a natural part of devoted love.

      But when linked to 'jealousy and above all, 'trust', in a partner's faithfulness, it becomes a serious matter of possessiveness. If the partner does not trust you, it says something about her/his lack of respect for your character or commitment. And it becomes a serious restriction on your freedom to enjoy other peoples' company, if they are angry with or jealous of anyone you spend time with. That would not be a good basis for a relationship.

    • KawikaChann profile image

      KawikaChann 4 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place

      Thanks Sam for your comment, I appreciate it. Peace. Kawi.

    • KawikaChann profile image

      KawikaChann 4 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place

      Thanks for your comment LL, we'll agree to disagree, but I think that we'll agree that when a couple needs help, that they should seek counseling. Definitely a conversation start-up. Peace. Kawi.

    • sam.azgor profile image

      Sam Azgor 4 years ago from Bangladesh

      nice hub..beautiful, interesting and voting up

    • L.L. Woodard profile image

      L.L. Woodard 4 years ago from Oklahoma City

      I would like to agree to disagree with your conclusion. "Love conquers all" is a romantic notion, but it is not true in the real world. If it were true, no spouses or partners would ever be abused physically or emotionally, the divorce rate would plummet, etc.

      I also disagree that remaining in a relationship with a person who has unprovoked jealousy issues is not healthy. If the two people involved can't find a compromise that truly works for both of them, seek couple counseling. If your partner/spouse won't go, then you go and work out with a counselor what actions are in your best interests.

      I think this hub has value as a conversation starter and certainly as an expression of your point of view.

      Voted up and Shared.