- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
Going out into the big world looking to attract a man can be a scary ordeal whether you are new to the dating scene as young female or re-emerging into the dating scene after many years of being unavailable.
There are so many things to think about. You want to put yourself out there, but in a way that feels genuine so that you can attract the kind of man you are after. You don't want to send the wrong signals and end up with Mr. Disaster.
Well-meaning friends and relatives will offer all kinds of advice. Some of it is fantastic advice. Take it all in and sort through what works best for you. There will always be some trial and error in the dating game.
Whether you are looking for Mr. Right, or even Mr. Right Now, I have a few dating tips that I hope will help your success rate. Just remember to have fun. Don't take things so seriously.
What to Wear
This encompasses a lot of things. First of all, dress your age. There are cute stylish clothes for all ages. It's important to act your age, but still have fun while doing it.
Secondly, dress for the occasion. Don't overdress or under-dress. If it's warm, wear something flowy and cool. If it's chilly, you might consider wearing a light sweater or jacket that you can remove if you warm up.
Above all, dress for comfort. Make sure that you are comfortable in what you are wearing. If it is a new outfit and it's too big, too small, itchy, etc. you will spend the evening tugging at it and will most likely become irritable and it will show on your face. Wear something that accentuates your assets. Yes, even you have some part of your body that is better than the rest. Play it up.
A word of caution about cleavage. If you are proud of your cleavage, please display it tastefully. Don't be surprised when others notice it. You have to be prepared for that, good or bad. In my opinion, you can't advertise "come look at me" and then be upset when people look at them.
Shoes can do so much towards your comfort level and confidence level. Choose your shoes wisely.
Dress to Be Noticed (in a GOOD way)
Try wearing something eye-catching. By this I mean something that people will notice. Maybe it's a bright scarf. Maybe it's a red pair of shoes. It might be a sparkling pendant that catches the light. Give them something to mention when striking up a conversation with you. It could be an unusual piece of jewelry. It could be a hat. It doesn't need to be over the top to catch someone's attention. It just makes it easier for the guy to compliment you.
I remember years ago, I wore a starched white shirt that had a simple little cartoonish applique on it. I had several guys comment about how cute the applique was. Did they really find it cute? No. They wanted something, anything, to break the ice and let me know they were looking at what I was wearing.
By the way, when they do mention the item, thank them. Don't apologize for the item and say something like "oh, this old thing!". If their comment allows you to elaborate and lead into a natural-flowing conversation, then go for it.
I see this come into play so many times with my daughter. Guys always comment on her t-shirts as an opening line. Make it easy on the guys. Give them something to strike up a conversation about.
Where to Go
My suggestion for where to go to find a man is the place(s) you'd like to go with him once you're together. I would also suggest thinking about where the type of man you want would likely hang out.
For instance, if you love the cowboy types where would you expect to find cowboys? Perhaps you can visit a boot shop, saddle shop, or attend a rodeo. If you want to meet a doctor, where would you expect to find a doctor? You can visit a hospital cafeteria or do volunteer work at a hospital.
If you like going to flea markets or garage sales, these can be great places to meet guys that like the same think. If you like live music, live music events can be a great place to meet guys as well.
How do you feel about smoking and drinking? If this is a deal-breaker then be mindful of where you go to meet men. Not all men who go to bars or clubs drink and smoke, but many do. Again, it's hard to complain that you ended up with a guy who likes to drink all night if you met him when he was drunk one night in a bar. Sure, it could be an isolated incident, but you need to be mindful of the clues.
Remember, unless he's the mailman, Fed-x guy, or pizza delivery guy, he's not going to show up at your door. You will have to go out to meet him.
Things You Can Do to Increase Your Odds
- Most importantly, be yourself. Let the guy get a glimpse of your personality. Guys particularly love confident women. Be as confident as you can. This is easiest when you are yourself.
- Guys can be intimidated by girls in large groups. I think this is especially true if your group is loud and giggly. There are just too many eyes watching if you turn him down. The last thing he wants is this loud cackling group to laugh him out of the place. He can't afford that. If you are looking for a guy, keep the size of your group down to 2-3 friends.
- When out with friends, don't huddle in a tight group with your backs to the world. Face outwards so that you are approachable.
- Scan the room. See who is paired up. Take note of the guys that are making the rounds. Pick 2-3 that you find attractive. Be sure to make eye contact with them and smile. Let them catch you looking at them. You can try moving around the room to make sure they notice you checking them out.
- Depending on your confidence level and the situation, you can speak first if you want. It can be as simple as "hi". Sometimes that's all it takes to break the ice. Comment on something they are wearing, maybe their cologne.
- If you are at a club and are asked to dance, dance at least one dance no matter what whether or not you like the guy. It immediately lets others know you are there to dance and many cuter guys will be encouraged thinking if you'll dance with this guy you'll surely dance with them. Nobody wants to be the first guy to ask you. This guy just did you a favor. Bear in mind, he might ask again. If you really enjoyed dancing with him, dance again. Otherwise, you don't owe him a second dance. He simply broke the ice for you.
- Keep in mind that half a dozen guys may be checking you out. If they see you and your friends laughing at every guy who walks up and you turn away, they aren't likely to approach you. You almost have to be leery of the one who does it anyway after watching you reject others because it usually means he's super cocky. Just realize that your actions are being noted. Don't inadvertently give out misleading information about yourself.
- Do not try too hard. Don't go out every night in desperation. Go out once or twice a week to different places. Expose yourself to different settings and types of people. If you go to the same place every week you will wind up seeing the same people every week.
- Some feel that meeting guys through friends and/or family is the best way. However, I think that can be tricky. I think you should be selective about who you tell that you're in the market for finding a guy. Some friends or family can become obsessed with hooking you up with everyone they know. Seems like everyone has that one friend though that is really good at match-making. If you have a friend like this, she might be able to help. It might be worth a try.
Good luck to you! Have fun! Don't be afraid to take a few risks. You never know who you might meet!