Nine Sure Ways to Kill Your Marriage Fast
The sad reality of marriage
You may be like me or worse. You could be going through a rough patch in your marriage and you sincerely do not think you are contributing to its present state.Forget about the premarital counseling you may have attended before marriage. Being married exposes you to diverse situations you would never have imagined. If you are struggling in your marriage, then you are in the right place. This article is for you. It explores all the wrong things couples do that actually make marriage ugly and uncomfortable.I am neither a divorce advocate nor a sadist. Far from it. In fact, I am happily married with children. How I wish this were true for all mankind. However, the sad statistics tell us that there is divorce happening every single second. According to the Encyclopedia of Psychology, 40% to 50% of married couples in the United States divorce. According to Crisp and Co Solicitors, 42 % of marriages in England and Wales end up in divorce. The rate at which spousal cruelty and killings are occurring is alarming.
Are you killing your marriage?
The following are nine ways of killing a marriage, either knowingly or unknowingly. Which of them mirrors the state of marriage now?
It may either be pronounced or subtle.You may not notice that you are being disrespectful because there are many issues going on in both your lives. Cracks have started occurring. You don't share as much time together. You are not sensitive to one another's feelings any more. Words fly between you two without a second thought. Either or both of you demean each other in public or in private. Know that this is disrespect and it is not going to ruin your marriage very soon.
Do you always find yourself competing to outdo your spouse? It could be an argument, a negative behavior or action. You feel you must win just so you massage your ego. If both of you are like this or one of you has to win or keep going on and on, then know that this is not healthy for a marriage.
3. Lack of remorse
It is normal to make a mistake in marriage. Human is to error. What you do after the mistake is what matters. If you find that you or your partner never say sorry as frequently as should happen, then your marriage may be headed the wrong way.
4. Revenge (Grudges)
When you feel that your partner is uncaring or always out to hurt you (whether knowingly or unknowingly), you start harboring vengeful thoughts and developing grudges. This is what goes on in your mind, "Is this what he/she is doing to me? Well, next time, I will do this or that. I will behave this way or that. I will withhold one thing or another." I am very good at keeping grudges. I only realized how terrible this was to my marriage when my husband actually voiced it.
Nothing destroys a marriage faster than suspicion. If your partner is always suspicious of you or vice versa then know that your marriage may not survive. How do you live with a person who is always suspecting you? There is hardly anything you can do without its motive being questioned. Suspicion occurs where there is no full trust. This can come about if you did something bad that was not expected of you or if you have an insecure partner.
6. Lack of secrecy
Marriage is an institution that should be respected. Since it involves two individuals from different backgrounds, there is bound to be friction. You two are living together under one roof. You will get on each others nerves. You will not like one another's habits. And that is as okay as it is normal. What you do after is what will determine the direction of your marriage. If you choose to stand on your roof top and let everyone know what's going on in your marriage, then be ready to reap the resultant fruits.
Infidelity or extra marital affairs are the last straw for any marriage. This pierces the aggrieved partner's heart to the core. The pain and betrayal turns to hatred, resentfulness and self-pity. The marriage may or may not survive depending on how strong the affected partner is and how remorseful the wrong doer is.
8. The silent treatment
I use this frequently even when I know how bad it is. I am lucky that my husband is the talkative type and therefore always initiates talk. It can be daunting though when a spouse decides to go silent on their partner. It can create bitterness, anger and animosity. This is what often aggravates an already bad situation leading to vengeance, hatred and death (either or both homicide and suicide).
Finances are very sensitive. If couples are not in agreement about their finances, they are bound to have problems. From the very onset of their marriages, they must agree on how to spend money so that they are on the same level when it comes to expenditure, savings and development.
Betrayal is sickening. It will rip a spouse's heart apart in a way it may never recover.
Betrayal can be in whatever form. Extra marital affairs carry the day here. You wake up one morning to the discovery of infidelity in your partner. All trust flies out the window to be replaced by anger, unforgiveness and hardheartedness.
You can also wake up to the realization that your spouse of several years has several projects running or assets that you are unaware of. What would run through your mind? Would you shrug it off and continue with life as if all is okay?
You visit your in-laws or acquaintances, and your personal matters (known only to your spouse and yourself), crop up in a conversation. At first you pardon. But then you realize that they know more about your affairs than they really should. Upon further interrogation, you realize all that information is coming from your beloved spouse. That is betrayal.
Tell-tale signs that your marriage is in its last throes
Your marriage can be salvaged
Your marriage can be salvaged. I was able to salvage mine before it was too late through a very good friend of mine. Her words of wisdom worked like charm. Try any of the following. It may save your marriage. It my restore it back to normalcy.
1. Forgiveness. You need to say sorry (and mean it). This should be done more often whether you feel like it or not. Similarly, accept apologies when they are offered.
2. Communication. This is key to the survival of any marriage. With open channels of communication, you will be on the same page with your partner since it becomes easy to convey any news you receive and to resolve any arising issues.
3. Prayers. The cornerstone of any successful marriage is prayers. Pray unceasingly.
4.Humility. Humility here should not be mistaken for a door mat. Be humble in the way you relate to one another and love will exude from therein.
5. Wisdom. With wisdom, you will know when to talk and when to be quiet; when to vent and when to hold back; when to be firm and when to reach a compromise. With wisdom, you will understand how to navigate this murky marital waters.
When to let go
Marriages are different and unique. You may be a good person but your spouse may be totally opposite. Rather than die physically or from depression, you may need to make that hard decision of walking away. Quite sadly, your marriage may be beyond salvage after all.
Here's how to tell when you need to let go:
- Persistent fights without resolving underlying issues
- Constant threats of killing or suicide
- Open affairs with no guilt
- Wasting of finances
- Bitterness,sadness, resentment and ill will that refuse to go away.
I saw this on social media recently:
blind husband +deaf wife = happy marriage
At times it pays to play deaf, blind and dumb just to avoid unnecessary issues cropping up in your relationship.
Always use wise judgement in any decision you make in marriage.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Carole Mireri