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Nine Sure Ways to Kill Your Marriage Fast

Updated on February 12, 2020
Carole Mireri profile image

Carole is a writer and blogger. As a married woman, she understands the challenges of relationships especially in the marriage situation.

What is marriage?
What is marriage? | Source

The sad reality of marriage

You may be like me or worse. You could be going through a rough patch in your marriage and you sincerely do not think you are contributing to its present state.Forget about the premarital counseling you may have attended before marriage. Being married exposes you to diverse situations you would never have imagined. If you are struggling in your marriage, then you are in the right place. This article is for you. It explores all the wrong things couples do that actually make marriage ugly and uncomfortable.I am neither a divorce advocate nor a sadist. Far from it. In fact, I am happily married with children. How I wish this were true for all mankind. However, the sad statistics tell us that there is divorce happening every single second. According to the Encyclopedia of Psychology, 40% to 50% of married couples in the United States divorce. According to Crisp and Co Solicitors, 42 % of marriages in England and Wales end up in divorce. The rate at which spousal cruelty and killings are occurring is alarming.

Are you killing your marriage?

The following are nine ways of killing a marriage, either knowingly or unknowingly. Which of them mirrors the state of marriage now?

1. Disrespect

It may either be pronounced or subtle.You may not notice that you are being disrespectful because there are many issues going on in both your lives. Cracks have started occurring. You don't share as much time together. You are not sensitive to one another's feelings any more. Words fly between you two without a second thought. Either or both of you demean each other in public or in private. Know that this is disrespect and it is not going to ruin your marriage very soon.

2. Competition

Do you always find yourself competing to outdo your spouse? It could be an argument, a negative behavior or action. You feel you must win just so you massage your ego. If both of you are like this or one of you has to win or keep going on and on, then know that this is not healthy for a marriage.

3. Lack of remorse

It is normal to make a mistake in marriage. Human is to error. What you do after the mistake is what matters. If you find that you or your partner never say sorry as frequently as should happen, then your marriage may be headed the wrong way.

4. Revenge (Grudges)

When you feel that your partner is uncaring or always out to hurt you (whether knowingly or unknowingly), you start harboring vengeful thoughts and developing grudges. This is what goes on in your mind, "Is this what he/she is doing to me? Well, next time, I will do this or that. I will behave this way or that. I will withhold one thing or another." I am very good at keeping grudges. I only realized how terrible this was to my marriage when my husband actually voiced it.

5. Suspicion

Nothing destroys a marriage faster than suspicion. If your partner is always suspicious of you or vice versa then know that your marriage may not survive. How do you live with a person who is always suspecting you? There is hardly anything you can do without its motive being questioned. Suspicion occurs where there is no full trust. This can come about if you did something bad that was not expected of you or if you have an insecure partner.

6. Lack of secrecy

Marriage is an institution that should be respected. Since it involves two individuals from different backgrounds, there is bound to be friction. You two are living together under one roof. You will get on each others nerves. You will not like one another's habits. And that is as okay as it is normal. What you do after is what will determine the direction of your marriage. If you choose to stand on your roof top and let everyone know what's going on in your marriage, then be ready to reap the resultant fruits.

7. Infidelity

Infidelity or extra marital affairs are the last straw for any marriage. This pierces the aggrieved partner's heart to the core. The pain and betrayal turns to hatred, resentfulness and self-pity. The marriage may or may not survive depending on how strong the affected partner is and how remorseful the wrong doer is.

8. The silent treatment

I use this frequently even when I know how bad it is. I am lucky that my husband is the talkative type and therefore always initiates talk. It can be daunting though when a spouse decides to go silent on their partner. It can create bitterness, anger and animosity. This is what often aggravates an already bad situation leading to vengeance, hatred and death (either or both homicide and suicide).

9. Finances

Finances are very sensitive. If couples are not in agreement about their finances, they are bound to have problems. From the very onset of their marriages, they must agree on how to spend money so that they are on the same level when it comes to expenditure, savings and development.

Betrayal

Betrayal is sickening. It will rip a spouse's heart apart in a way it may never recover.

Betrayal can be in whatever form. Extra marital affairs carry the day here. You wake up one morning to the discovery of infidelity in your partner. All trust flies out the window to be replaced by anger, unforgiveness and hardheartedness.

You can also wake up to the realization that your spouse of several years has several projects running or assets that you are unaware of. What would run through your mind? Would you shrug it off and continue with life as if all is okay?

You visit your in-laws or acquaintances, and your personal matters (known only to your spouse and yourself), crop up in a conversation. At first you pardon. But then you realize that they know more about your affairs than they really should. Upon further interrogation, you realize all that information is coming from your beloved spouse. That is betrayal.

Tell-tale signs that your marriage is in its last throes

Spouse battery

Death threats

Uncontrollable anger

Psychological torture

Extra-marital affairs

It helps to say sorry to your spouse
It helps to say sorry to your spouse | Source

Your marriage can be salvaged

Your marriage can be salvaged. I was able to salvage mine before it was too late through a very good friend of mine. Her words of wisdom worked like charm. Try any of the following. It may save your marriage. It my restore it back to normalcy.

1. Forgiveness. You need to say sorry (and mean it). This should be done more often whether you feel like it or not. Similarly, accept apologies when they are offered.

2. Communication. This is key to the survival of any marriage. With open channels of communication, you will be on the same page with your partner since it becomes easy to convey any news you receive and to resolve any arising issues.

3. Prayers. The cornerstone of any successful marriage is prayers. Pray unceasingly.

4.Humility. Humility here should not be mistaken for a door mat. Be humble in the way you relate to one another and love will exude from therein.

5. Wisdom. With wisdom, you will know when to talk and when to be quiet; when to vent and when to hold back; when to be firm and when to reach a compromise. With wisdom, you will understand how to navigate this murky marital waters.

When marriage goes awry
When marriage goes awry | Source

When to let go

Marriages are different and unique. You may be a good person but your spouse may be totally opposite. Rather than die physically or from depression, you may need to make that hard decision of walking away. Quite sadly, your marriage may be beyond salvage after all.

Here's how to tell when you need to let go:

  • Persistent fights without resolving underlying issues
  • Constant threats of killing or suicide
  • Open affairs with no guilt
  • Wasting of finances
  • Bitterness,sadness, resentment and ill will that refuse to go away.

Final thoughts

I saw this on social media recently:

blind husband +deaf wife = happy marriage

At times it pays to play deaf, blind and dumb just to avoid unnecessary issues cropping up in your relationship.

Always use wise judgement in any decision you make in marriage.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 Carole Mireri

Comments

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    • Carole Mireri profile imageAUTHOR

      Carole Mireri 

      6 days ago

      Well said, dashingscorpio. I wonder why many end up with "non-soul mates." as marriage partners. It is true that the choice of partner does determines how solid one's marriage foundation is.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      6 days ago from Chicago

      My #1 way for how to kill your marriage fast would be:

      {Choosing the WRONG mate!}

      Ideally you want to choose someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the marriage as you, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for each other.

      Compatibility trumps compromise.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      There is no amount of "work" or "communication" which can overcome being with someone who does NOT want what you want.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      Life is too short to be trying to change water into the wine.

      The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.

      Your objective should be to have a "soulmate" not a cellmate.

      No one is "stuck" with anyone! Suffering is optional.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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