- Gender and Relationships»
How to Enjoy your Married life
At some point in one's life, the spectre of marriage raises its head. What is it that makes people want to get married to each other? Is it love, possessiveness,companionship, great sex, trophy effect or material gains? Well, its either one of these or a combination of these depending on the circumstances. But once the first flush of marriage is over, the initial euphoria has subsided, the harsh realities of life take hold and slowly chip away at the foundations of a marriage. It is not uncommon to see couiples divorcing after 20 years of marriage. In fact, couples divorce even after a few hours of marriage.
Well, is divorce bad? Well, it certainly signifies a bad choice, either on part of the woman or the man. In some cases, it is justified (abusive relationships), however, majority of todays divorce's take place over extra-marital affairs or refusal to compromise.
I find it funny when I observe women who suddenly find just married men very attractive and vice versa. The sanctitiy accorded to marriage has slowly eroded with people trying to seduce even newly married couples. This is essentially the Novelty factor at work with the thrill of attaining the forbidden fruit as designated by society. On a few occasions its about revenge, boredom and neglect. I find divorce's an enormous waste of time and money. Why get married today if you feel that if it does not work out, the option of divorce is always there to exercise. In fact, I admire people who do not marry till they are sure (atleast they are honest).
Well, staying married requires a lot of effort from both partners. Many a times the challenges of life slowly eat into the relationship and before one realises , the couple has drifted apart, mentally as well as physically. So how does one keep that magic alive and enjoy the marriage. Well here are a few homegrown truths:-
- Compliment each other for all the good things done and genuinely share your partners happiness and grief.
- Play games- Mind games, physical games, long walks and BEHAVE LIKE CHILDREN WHILE DOING THAT.
- Flirt with each other, frequently, unexpectedly.
- Send flowers or gifts just like that.
- Talk to your partner about everything and vice versa.
- Be a good listener. Dont give adivice unless specifically asked for. Most ot the times, a patient hearing is all they need.
- Make fun of yourself and your partner in a nice way (no taunting).
- Never sleep after a fight. Always make up before you sleep.
- If you are getting angry at your spouse, just think of th good things you both do together and it shall pass.
- Be very clear about money and use only limited credit cards. Always make it a point to call up your spouse (both should do it) before you feel like buying anything on an impulse. Both partners need to follow that.
- Keep Ego's aside and learn to look at the other persons point of view.
- Push off on dates or weekends without notice.
- Go out and play in the rain.
- Give each other a massage when the other person least expects it.
- Learn the art of compromise. There is no point in fighting over small things. Understand that fact and you shall have a great marriage.
Well, these were some of the tips that I follow in my marriage and would like to say that they work. We fight (its natural, accept that) , but then we dont make it an ego issue and carry on with it. Most of the times we behave like children and thats what keeps us young and away from trouble.
Many couples look for friends outside their marriage to share their unhappiness and thoughts. Its good to find a neutral party to let off steam but remember not to get too used to it or you will start having feelings for that person. Invest the same amount of time on your marriage and you shall reap its benefits.