- Gender and Relationships
How to Find Mr. or Mrs. Right
A Diamond Ring Doesn't Have to Look for a Finger
When the Time is Right You'll Know It
In spite of all the propaganda, not everyone is looking and not everyone needs to be. I just read an interesting article about Dr. Donald A. Redelmeier, a physician-researcher and perhaps the leading debunker of preconceived notions in the medical world, who makes it his duty to look at things in our world in a brand new way. One of the interesting things he was quoted as saying is, “Do not get trapped into prior thoughts. It’s perfectly O.K. to change your mind as you learn more.” One prior thought most of us have been programmed with from birth is to believe is that we all have to have a “soul mate” and, as soon as possible. How true is that? What anxiety that creates in the many who are hanging out as singles? How many bad relationships does it stir up, simply because we think we need to have somebody, anybody? If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my seventy years on the planet, it’s that fear and anxiety will only get you more fear and anxiety. They also get you hurt.
Relax. Enjoy your life as it is right now and watch the “magic” happen. My wife recently told our grandson, who was having teen insecurities, that she began to doubt if she’d ever find “someone.” Then she found me, and she’s still wondering! She was in her mid twenties when we met, and we’ve been married for four decades. She said that she stopped running around with her friends from this activity to that, hoping that at the next activity she would find Mr. Right. She settled into her life and lived it to the fullest. One day she got a phone call, and it was from me. I was a blast from a time in the past when we had met briefly once, ten years before, and then I disappeared into the Catholic seminary, and she into a convent. We both left those temporary detours without either of us knowing it. It was that Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder, speaking through my mother, who whispered, “Remember Frances? Why not give her a call?” So, even though we lived a hundred miles apart, and it was a snowy day, I dialed the number and asked her to double date with my cousin and her husband who lived an hour between us. Because of the blizzard, she left her car and got on a bus. As soon as she opened the door, with toilet paper rolls for curlers in her hair, I knew she was the one. My heart has never lied to me.
You May Miss What’s Under Your Nose
The point? Relax, or you may well miss Mr. or Mrs. Right who may be right under your nose. You see, there’s a part of you, that most humans don’t even know they have, that has your best interest as it’s primary goal. It knows you better than you know yourself, and knows what you need and want much better than any friend you could imagine. It’s a powerful part of your mind that can, if you let it, draw the right people into your life. Find this hard to believe? That’s not surprising, since we’ve all been programmed by science to live our lives in the very limited world of our five senses, a world that's flat, hard and cold. A world that excludes the possibility of anything other than what we can hear, smell, taste, or see dramatically limits us and keeps us in our little room where there are no windows and no surprises. But, there is so much more to our world than that.
Listen to the Whisper in Your Heart
So, where is that only one place to find a life partner? It’s in your heart. How could this surprise us, when everything connected with love is represented by the heart. The heart is the universal symbol of the seat of our emotions, especially our emotions of love and devotion. This time, though, it is the heart with a twist. The heart is also the focal point of our inner wisdom, our creative intelligence, and our genius. Carl Jung, one of the greatest thinkers of the twentieth century said, “Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” William Shakespeare said likewise. “Go to your heart, knock and ask what it doth know.” Ralph Waldo Emerson, who many consider America’s teacher also said, “Listen to that little voice inside you, and it will lead you where you need to go.”
I clearly remember Charlotte, a seventy-four-year-old woman who lived in the tiny town where my clinic was located. She came to see me, because she was getting lonely and didn't know how to handle it. She told me that her husband had died twelve years before, and she had never been lonely nor even thought of another relationship. All of a sudden, she said, she wanted someone special in her life. "This is impossible," she said, "I know everyone in this little place and there's no one I'm interested in." We talked for a while about what kind of a person she'd want to have in her life, and she again said there was no one in town that fit that description. I talked about how powerful our minds were and suggested a mind exercise that might be fun if nothing else. I suggested that she write down all those qualities that she would want to find in a new partner and tape them on the refrigerator or wherever she would see them most often. Then, I said, "When your drifting off to sleep, see yourself walking hand in hand with this person and feel the warm, loving feelings that you want." Two weeks later, Charlotte came back to see me and had a big smile on her face. "Come on," I said, "I know this stuff works, but this is pretty quick!"
"Even you won't believe it," she said with a twinkle in her eyes. "I went to dinner at the hotel, with some neighbors, which I seldom do. Well, after dinner there was a dance, and I was just sitting there watching with no interest whatsoever to do it myself, and this man I had never seen came up to me and asked me to dance. I just couldn't believe. I liked him right off, and we had a great time. He told me that he is a lawyer and a widow from Buffalo and just bought a small farm that's not very far from my house. He comes here on the weekends, and we've seen each other now several times. I can't believe this, but it sure is fun!" Charlotte was lonely no more.
There is something grand happening amidst the growing chaos of today. We are discovering our genius, the genius within us, the whisper in our hearts. It is a discovery of amazing proportions and has applications in every area of our lives. In relation to this post, this inner genius can and will guide us to our soul mate, Mr. or Mrs. Right, if we will only let go of our fear and be still. In the stillness will come the answers that we will recognize as the truth and which we cannot hear in the chaos of our anxieties. The stillness within is the only place where we will find what we seek, no matter what it is. Here is how to take control, banish the fear and find that quiet place within you where all your answers will be revealed.
© 2010, sgscalese