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How to Find Out if Your Significant Other has had, or is Planning an Affair

Updated on January 25, 2013

For Men

If you're in a committed relationship, marriage or otherwise, and you're concerned about your significant other's loyalty to you, as most men in the right minds are, here's a few tips on discovering whether or not she can in fact be trusted:

(1) BEHAVIOR AROUND OTHER MEN: How does she behave around other men? When other men are around, does her attention remain on you, or does she focus on the other guys present as much, or more, (if it's more, this could be a serious red flag). Do you notice her making eye contact with other guys, winking at them, licking her lips or twirling her hair while talking to them. No point in being pessimistic if these telltale signs are clearly present. They may not mean she's had an affair, but they could certainly indicate that she would be more than willing to, if the opportunity were to arise. It's the man who has too much faith in his significant other who oftentimes gets burnt in the end. Keep a cautious eye on her to make sure these flirting signs don't turn into something else more serious. If they do, or if you don't want to wait to find out, unless you're one of the rare men who isn't bothered by disloyalty, or the strong possibility thereof, you can spare yourself a lot of hassle by simply ending the relationship;

(2) Confront Her: If you have strong suspicions that an act of disloyalty may have already occurred, confront her about it. Be moderately casual, but not overly defiant. Make eye contact, and ask her about it with a serious tone. Chances are, if she has, she won't tell you unless she thinks you have good evidence to prove it without a confession. If you're relying on her confession as proof, however, pay close attention to her body language while she responds. If she frowns and stares at you as if she thinks you're a complete idiot for asking, it may be a good sign, but if she answers with a quick and stern denial, and asks you questions, such as why you would ever think such a thing, it may be a bad sign. Don't take her on her word out of love, or faith, always go with your gut instincts. If you don't think she can be trusted, and trust in a relationship is important to you, (as it should be), it's best to end the relationship. If she does it once, chances are she's liable to do it again;

(3) TRYING TO GET RID OF YOU. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that if your significant other is frequently telling you on the phone, or in person, that she has to go, or suggesting that you should be doing something else, (that doesn't involve her), there's a good chance it has something to do with an interest in another guy. Men can be so naive when it comes to trusting women, mainly out of pride. They think affairs can happen to other guys, but never to them. Well guess what, affairs can happen to anyone. And if it's a trustworthy relationship you desire, there's absolutely no place for pride. If she cuts you off in the middle of a sentence over the phone to say something like, "don't you think you should get going," and you respond with, "yeah, you're right, I'll talk to you tomorrow," and hang up the phone thinking everything is okay, you may be setting yourself up for an eventual major dent in your ego. There's nothing wrong with questioning her as to why she would think you need to hang up. It may sound a bit paranoid, but who cares? I personally would rather come across as potentially paranoid than as an idiot about to get burnt.

Affairs are horrible, but they happen all the time, and anyone, no matter how wealthy, attractive, or charming, can become a victim. If you don't think you can trust your significant other, and trust is a virtue you value, end the relationship. There's plenty of women out there who are trustworthy. And if you're not attracted to these women, learn to be attracted to them, or get used to being single. People who have affairs and are dishonest about them later are schemers, without any sense of decency or morality. They may know how to lure decent people in with charming demeanor, as obviously that's what they live for, but they can royally mess a decent person's life up as well. As such, they're not the type of people anyone decent and good-intentioned would want to be spending the rest of their life with.

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