Finding Romance by Using a Truck stop
"Yeah, it's my truck. Got a problem?"
My office is open
I want to be honest. I know a few guys like the one in this story. He is the "Poster Boy for Rejection," and is doing his best to make his life work. But there's that burning in his heart that nags him because he cannot find some good, hot romance from a lovely girl.
All of the lovely girls he knows have either cursed him out or humiliated him for asking them out. The poor guy can't win. He walks around looking like a stray puppy---got that lost look in his eyes.
All of this is about to change and he is going to be considered a "Love King," because he is smart enough to follow this free advice I am offering.
"18-Wheels Coming at Ya'"
"I'm a serious trucker--do not get in my way!"
Okay, Lonely, Rejected Guy, This is For You
Step 1: Do your very-best to get "the" girl you have dreamed-of, to go out with you. It doesn't matter how you do it. Make her sign a contract saying that if at the end of this night she is not looking at you differently, you will never call or talk to her again.
Step 2: Be yourself. I mean, you have already set the "big evening," up ahead of time by doing research, getting data and checking in-person to make sure you are going to succeed.
Step 3: Do not do anything, and I do mean anything, to ignite this "dream girl's" suspicion of what is about to happen in a few hours. You need to engage in some intelligent conversation about what she did that day, how good she looks in her sundress, and there is not a need for that can of Mace and Rape Whistle you see sticking out of her purse.
The Life of a Trucker
The next time you and the family are on your yearly-vacation--having fun, seeing the new scenery and just enjoying life . . .
If you stop at a huge truck-stop
and get your table or booth and do not see a waitress for a long length of time,
do not worry, shout "Hurry up! We are starving," for I know, speaking from personal experience, truck stops cater to the professional-truck driver and they always come first, not a vacationing-family.
Do not, above all, start showing-off and being all manly, or someone called a "bouncer," who knows how to handle himself will first tell you to settle down. Then if you persist in your foolish behavior . . . .
You will be forcibly-removed and no apology extended to you.
Now The Plan Kicks-In
Your keeping this hot chick talking about herself and her sundress has worked in your favor. You have diverted her thinking away from where you are taking her. And lonely, rejected guy, if you have accomplished this, you are halfway home.
So set your emotions on "Cruise Control," and let the rest of your master plan take over.
THERE IT IS "the" place where your dreams will come true: "Big Willy's 24-Hour Truck Stop And Cattle Yard," "the" most-popular place anywhere in your state. Boy, is this "goddess," you are with going to tell her girlfriends what a "Love Machine" you are after tonight.
Step 1: Be very courteous. Open her door for her. Girls love that. Compliment her for the 50th time how pretty her sundress is and how she might think about pulling it down to cover most of her thighs. She will appreciate you saving her honor.
Step 2: Open the door of "Big Willy's" for her. Again, she is now relaxing and warming-up to you. Boy, oh boy, are you "in the fast lane," now. Your life will change drastically after this night is over.
Step 3: Walk her to your table, pull her chair out for her. Man, are you a thinking "lover man." Pay no attention to the "wolf calls," and whistles from these worldly truckers as you two walk by. That only means they approve of your date.
Step 4: So far, so good. Things are going smoother than Liberace's designer silk undies. The waitress comes over and asks what you would like to drink. You order for both you and your date. You order yourself some iced tea and order a Jack and Coke, a double, for her. Your date looks at you suspiciously, but you quickly say, "Your Jack and Coke are to celebrate our date tonight--and besides, I am driving. Care for another?" She agrees. The waitress is on her way for your hot date's second Jack and Coke.
Step 5: Now your date is relaxed and giggling, both good signs that you are going to have some romance, finally, tonight. The waitress comes back and asks if you are ready to order. You order two rib eye steaks with the trimmings for the both of you. Your date is so slim that she could "wolf-down" two rib eye's and not gain an ounce.
"Buddy, these steaks are d--elicious!"
No two days in a trucker's life are the same
Time for action
Step 6: Now it gets serious. And you have to be near-perfect in your actions. You insinuate that after dinner you and this "goddess," head-back to your place and relax with some vintage wine and soft music. She curls her nose up at the offer and whines, "No, you are not my type." But she doesn't know that she has said the "magic words."
Step 7: You smile as though you are not hurting inside. Then you walk slowly over to a table where six big truck drivers are talking, having coffee, smoking cigarettes and one is eating chili. Then for no reason, you yell back at your date, "Is this the one who whistled at you?" She is on her fifth Jack and Coke and doesn't know what you are saying and you say to the surprised trucker, "Yeah. You look the type to whistle at a pretty girl, but buddy. I do not like that. And now you are going to pay!"
- You shove the trucker to the floor and laugh at him. By now his buddies are growing angry at a wimp like you pushing their buddy around, so they stand-up and say, "Friend, we do not want any trouble, but if you do not leave Johnny alone, we are going to show you what pain feels like."
- You stand back, pull your shirt off and laugh so loudly that most of the customers in the truck stop are now listening and watching you.
- Now you step-over Johnny and head for the biggest trucker, "Steel Sam," he is called on the road. You kick him in the shins, but he still stands and looks at you like a wild dog. Then with one blow from his big right hand, he sends you flying in the air over two tables while the patrons duck for fear you will fall in their mashed potatoes.
- You get up almost immediately. Your left jaw is broken. Blood is spewing out of your nose, but you run back to the table and say, "You call that a right cross?" Then you strike "Steel Sam" in the stomach. He just laughs at you. Now it's "Bear Blake's" turn. He spin-kicks you to the floor and almost knocks you unconscious.
- Now your hot girlfriend has realized you are getting killed for her sake. She cries like a newborn baby.
- You struggle to get to your feet, but you say, "You are making me mad. Have you had enough?" Then a nameless trucker hits you in the back sending you into the arms of the meanest, biggest trucker at the table, "Cobra Cal," who gets you in a "Sleeper-hold" and puts you on the floor "dead to the world." "Cal" was a former wrestler in the WWE.
- Your gorgeous date, out of pity, runs to see if you are dead. "Steel Sam," pours a pitcher of beer in your face and you come-to shaking your head asking, "Who am I?" Then you get up one more time and charge the table like a wild bull in a bull-fight in Spain. "Bluto,: the quiet trucker, dabs out his cigarette and lands a left-hook to your chin sending your head backward like cracking a whip.
Who did you pull-for in the fight inside "Big Willy's Truck stop?"
The lonely, rejected man or the worldly-truckers?
Success at last
With you now beaten an inch of your life, the gang of worldly truckers pick you up and carry you to your car with the help of your hot date who is hoping one or two of the manly-truckers will hit on her and take her home.
Instead of laying you down in your car's backseat, they hurl you to the dusty ground and spit on you while laughing like Hyenas as they walk away leaving you on the ground heaving for life as your sensual date sobs with sympathy for you.
Then the pay-off: Suddenly and right on time, your hot date coos, "Sweetie, uhh, I am sorry that this happened to you. Really I am. I do not know what to do, (sob) but, all I can do to make this up to you is . . . .
would you like to get back here in the backseat and uhh, make me more comfortable?"
These are "the: words you have waited, hoped, and suffered for. Mostly suffered for.
You now do not have to act at all. You are beaten to a pulp, but you find the strength to crawl into the backseat with "Carrie," the hottest babe in school.
My ex-rejected and lonely friend, do you know what happened inside the truck stop? Your date's maternal instinct started kicking-in and the nurturing part of her began to make her want to "soothe" you and make all of the pain go away.
Nice going by the way.
If the sunrise catches "Carrie" still "soothing" you, so what?
Note to All Movie Studios: This story is for sale to the highest-bidder to be made into a movie.