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How to Get Back Together With Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend: 5 Intelligent Things to Do

Updated on March 4, 2017

How to Get Back Together With Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend

If you forgive you can get back together with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend
If you forgive you can get back together with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend | Source

How Can I Get Back Together With My Ex?

Akosua was in a relationship with Kwasi. They were together for over a year. Unfortunately, Kwasi was swept off his feet by a very tempting girl, and he cheated with this girl. This led to a serious fight between Akosua and Kwasi. Though she loved Kwasi, and they tried to resolve the issue, Akosua and Kwasi could not fix the problem and so broke up. But, months later, Akosua realizes she still loves Kwasi and wants to have a relationship with him again.

You may be in a similar position, and asking yourself, “How can I get back together with my ex?”

What are some of the things you can do to reconcile with the guy or girl you were once involved with, and who you still love?

Forgive Him or Her

If you broke up because the other person hurt you, you will need to forgive the person before you will even feel like getting back together with him or her.

If you do not forgive, getting back with your ex may even be impossible because you may find it difficult to accept your true feelings for him or her, which may be that you still love them, and so never go back.

If you gather the courage and get back together with him or her, you may refer to what the person did to hurt you often, especially when you have quarrels. This may cause your partner to get angry because many people do not like to be reminded often of mistakes they made in the past. Unforgiveness will create disharmony in the relationship, and this can lead to another break up.

It is therefore imperative that you forgive your ex boyfriend or girlfriend if you really love them and want to get back together with them. Forgiving someone is even an act of love, and so when you find it in your heart to forgive, you are showing love to your partner. It can then spur you on to want to get back together with him or her. This is how to get back together with an ex.

Forgiving will also free your mind and your heart to love the person again, which will increase the chances that the relationship will succeed when you get back together.

Forgiving can be difficult at times, especially when what the person did to you hurt you very much.

How can you forgive the person so that you will feel love for him or her?

  1. The mind of a person will always like to keep the negative things that someone has done to hurt that person, and will quickly forget the good things that someone may have done for that same person. Therefore, it is natural that the terrible things he or she said or did to you will replay in your mind sometimes.
  2. Therefore, say positive words to yourself when you are tempted to feel antagonistic towards him or her, or when what he or she did to you comes back to your mind. That is how you can counter the negative thoughts that will come to your mind. You can say something like, “I must admit what Ike did to me hurt me a lot. But I want to move forward and so I forgive Ike from the bottom of my heart,” when you feel like hating him or her again.
  3. You can also say something like, “I still love Anne. I know what she did was terrible but I will not allow it to stop me from having another relationship with her. I will not hold on to any unforgiveness. I let go of any pain, mistrust, and bitterness. I may have had one disappointment, but this time I will make sure things work. It is going to work. I will help bring about change this time.” When you say these words every time the negative thoughts attack your mental faculty, you will discover that with time you will have better control over your emotions, and you will start to forget what he or she did to you because those thoughts will lose their hold over you.
  4. There are people in your social circle, for example schoolmates, associates, family, or community members, who have suffered hurt at the hands of others, but have successfully forgiven and moved on. Find some of these people and ask them how they were able to let go of hurts and move on. Make mental notes of the things you can apply to your situation, and use them to help you let go of the hurt.

Getting back together may require that you forgive your partner who hurt you in the past.

Forgive Yourself

To get back together with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend, you need to forgive yourself, if you contributed to the break up.

It is possible you may have been responsible for the break up, and you find it difficult to forgive yourself, wondering how you could have made such a terrible mistake to let the girl or guy you loved, or who loved you so much, leave your life.

You need to forgive yourself so that you can build up your self-confidence again. Holding on to guilt will destroy your self-confidence. When you are not self-confident, you cannot love yourself, and someone who does not love himself or herself cannot love another person.

Again, no one can love you if you do not love yourself first. No one can make you happy if you cannot make yourself happy first.

If you do not forgive yourself, you will go back feeling guilty and unworthy of receiving love. Because of this, you may not show abundant love (which is needed to make the relationship work) to your partner, and he or she may think you do not love them anymore. That can lead to serious disagreements in the relationship, and may even cause another break up.

So, how do you forgive yourself?

  • Just ask yourself, “Have you forgotten you are a human being? Well, since I am still human, I will make mistakes. What I did to Ike is unfortunate, but what is done is done. I cannot undo it. All I can do is to correct my mistakes, and try to be a better person today.”
  • Tell yourself you forgive yourself. You can say something like, “Ike, I forgive myself. I resolve not to think about what I did again. I will make sure I do not make those same mistakes again ever. I will not let that mistake of the past weigh down on my mind and control my life. I am bigger than that. I must use my mind for more creative things, and to create strategies to help me love Anne better.”
  • Pray to God to forgive you for what you did. In 2 Chronicles 7:14, the Bible says, “if my people who are called by My Name humble themselves , and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” If you pray to God with a sincere heart, He will forgive you and give you another chance.
  • You can pray something like, “Dear God, I know I have hurt Ike a lot. I am very sorry for what I did. I regret it and I want to get back together with him because I love him. Please forgive me and help me to reconcile with Ike.” God will listen to your prayer and give you peace of mind and heart so that you can love your partner from a free conscience.

Ask for an Opportunity to Make Amends

How to get back together with someone involves reminding him or her that you are still around. Contact your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend. Tell him or her you want to have an audience with them to discuss issues. You can say something like, “Ike, I don’t know about you, but I have missed you a lot. I still care about you and I want us to meet and lay our differences to rest. I think there is a future for our relationship, and I want us to make it work. Can we meet? I would be very happy if you can make this happen. And please know that I still love you.”

Tell him or her you want to talk whilst both of you do something you liked to do together, such as watching a romance movie, or cooking a meal together. This has certain advantages:

  1. It will create a conducive, informal atmosphere where you can both express yourselves in a relaxed atmosphere, whilst doing something that can help you to relive the bond you shared.
  2. It will reduce the tension, make you feel like friends again, and when you are relaxed, you are both more likely to listen to each other.
  3. It will remind you of the love you shared, and that can inspire you to want to make that love comeback by getting together again.

If he or she agrees to meet you, this is what you must do before you meet them:

  • Write down all the things that went wrong in your past relationship on a sheet of paper. List the main points only.
  • Write down all the things you remember you did that affected the relationship negatively.
  • Write ten attitude or habit changes you want to make to yourself, and how your partner can help you to make those changes.
  • Write down all the things you think you can do to help solve the problems that normally crop up in the relationship. For example, if you have noticed that you are temperamental, write down that whenever you are angry from now on, you will count to thirty, or walk away from the scene. If you have been cheating, write down the measures you will take to make sure you remain faithful to him or her from now on.
  • Keep a copy of this document.
  • Writing these things down will tell your partner that you intend to become committed to the relationship from now on. It will also let your partner know you are serious about doing something to bring about a change for the better in the relationship.
  • When you meet your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, after apologizing and discussing your relationship, give him or her a copy of what you have written as a sign that you are determined to start afresh, and to show that you are willing to make changes to yourself.
  • Tell him or her that you hope that changes you make to yourself will affect the relationship positively.

If you are thinking of getting back together with your ex, then you must seek an opportunity to show him or her that you are prepared to become a different person to make the relationship work.

Get Close Again

If you want to increase your hope of getting back together with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, you must continue to show you still love them, and also get close to them, especially when they are hit with tragedy, or when you suffer loss and pain. If you want to get back together with your ex, use disadvantages, sufferings, and misfortunes as tools to get them to become close again.

When he or she suffers misfortune, get close to them and offer words of solace. If your ex does badly in examinations, for example, you can visit him or her and say something like, “Ike, I am very sorry you did not do too well in the examination. I believe in you and know you can do far better than you did. I don’t believe you are that bad. Don’t give up. I expect you to do far better in the next examination. I am waiting to celebrate your big comeback with you when you do well the next time. Don’t forget you still have a special place in my heart.”

On the other hand when you are suffering, for example when you are sick, tell him or her to come and visit you. Make sure you look very attractive, play his or her favorite love song in the background, and intentionally direct the conversation towards the great times you shared together, and say you love him or her a number of times so that it will make an impression on their mind. This, together with the music, may make him or her sentimental, and they may want you again.

When you continue to show care, and try to get a romantic connection again, it may cause him or her to develop fresh feelings for you, and they may want to get back together with you. It will increase the likelihood of getting back together with your ex.

Do Continuous Monitoring

If he or she accepts you back, plan a continuing monitoring and evaluation scheme with him or her. This will involve regularly visiting some of your colleagues and friends who are still in good relationships and are sticking together with their partners.

  • Ask them about what they are doing right which is working for them.
  • Ask them about what they do when they are not happy with each other, and how they deal with it.
  • Get five or six different such couples in relationships so that you can get diverse advice, which will give you a wide field of knowledge to draw from.
  • Request their help to act as peer reviewers of your relationship. That means you give them permission to ask you regularly about how your relationship is going, and you also agree to give them permission to help you if you are having any difficulties.
  • Both of you should also regularly assess you well you are doing as a couple, and make the necessary changes required when you see that things are not going on well. Regularly read stories of getting back together with an ex, and how those people maintain their relationships.


This is how to get back together with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. When you succeed in getting back together, try to take trust seriously, so that you can enjoy the relationship for a long time.

How to Get Back Together With Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend

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© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio


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    • Papeeebooks profile image

      Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio 9 months ago from Ghana

      I agree with you that there has to be a change before the getting back together can be successful. Without it, old problems may cause another break up. But I don't think someone has to ask you for forgiveness before you forgive the person. To have YOUR peace of mind, you need to take the initiative yourself and forgive the person, even if he or she does not ask for it. But as you said, you must let the person know you will not tolerate the behavior that led to the break up again. I agree with that. Thumbs up! This is a brilliant comment.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 10 months ago

      In such situations I believe one has to first ask: "What has changed?"

      If two people still have the same life styles, personal beliefs/values, and temperament then whatever caused them to breakup in the first place is likely to occur again. It's like seeing the same movie twice. You know how it ends!

      Forgive Him or Her - The second question to ask is: "Why?"

      One has to be honest with them self as well as the situation to determine why they want to get back with the person who betrayed or hurt them.

      Oftentimes people are trying to forgive those who have NOT asked to be forgiven! If your ex hasn't asked to be forgiven or shown you any signs of contrition there's a good chance he or she might see your willingness to forgive and wanting to reconcile as a sign of weakness.

      Being alone causes them to "romanticize the past" and overlook the issues that were in the relationship. For others "drama" is romantic.

      Unless someone is asking for forgiveness (after) you have made it clear that you will never again put up with whatever they did then your getting back with them equates to the old: "Fool me twice shame on me!" adage.

      Even with that sometimes people are quick to offer forgiveness because they are in "shock". Imagine someone catches their mate cheating on them. The pain of the betrayal is enough but to add on the breakup or divorce on top of that is almost too much for some people to bare.

      They offer forgiveness without really knowing if they can forgive. It's always best in my opinion to take a few weeks to mull it over in your mind and as I said never forgive and reconcile with anyone who is not pleading for it.

      Even with that forgiveness just means you're not going to let whatever they did continue to dwell on your mind. It doesn't mean you have to get back with them or become friends.

      Yes, some couples have broken up and successfully got back together. However it's usually because one or both people have {changed} in some significant way or have (learned) from their past.