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How to Get Over Someone We Loved

Updated on October 19, 2014
Poem I wrote.
Poem I wrote.

In retrospect, there has probably been quite a few relationships in our past where we have thought we were in love with the person we were dating. We may have even said those three intimidating words, and at the time it felt like they meant something. But now, looking back we realize that they really didn't mean anything, and what you felt was probably closer to lust or friendship than love. Then, some of us may be so lucky as to run into a relationship where suddenly, how we feel for that person is totally different than how we've felt for anyone else. It makes everything else we've ever been in look like a joke, and we wonder why we didn't realize it at the time. This person could be all we think about, day and night. They treat us better than anyone previous, and sometimes we may be pinching ourselves because it seems way too similar to a Nicholas Sparks novel.


For some of us, this person that we run into could be our happy ending, our future husband or wife, our soul mate. Other times, there may be cases where a person we actually, truly, know and can say that we're in love with, decides to have their fun, treat us like gold, tell us that they love us, then abruptly bring everything to a heart-breaking halt. Just like how it played out like a romance novel, it can just as easily end as how some romance novels tend to end - and that's not happily. It can leave us incredibly hurt.

It wouldn't be appropriate if I weren't to share my experience of novelesque summer love. I met this guy on an airplane flying to Toronto. We were from the same town, went to the same high school, he was six years older than me, he lived ten minutes down the road. Yet we'd never met each other before. We were going to the same place - and that was Canadian Forces Base Borden for military training. We clicked instantly, he carried my bags for me in the terminal, showed me around the base. He was charming, handsome, funny, and in shape.

Sounds like a movie already right?

It took a couple days before things took a turn for the romantic side. We ended up together after a few drinks on a Friday night and that was where it all started. He'd pick me up from my building and get out of the truck and open the passenger door for me and help me in. He'd make me stay in the truck so he could get out, open the door and help me out. He took me for long drives through the countryside. We watched the sun set in the town of Barrie, Ontario, right by the waterfront. Took me out for dinner and drinks, wouldn't let me pay a cent. Introduced me to his friends. And on the last night, when he was leaving, told me that he loved me.

I haven't seen him since.

I was heartbroken. I spent the rest of my summer that way, and my feelings I had developed for him lasted for a long time after that. I had three pictures of us together to dwell on, and the texts that we had sent, and that was enough to bring back the memories that we had together and tear my heart out anew. Had I been tricked? I was 19 then. Had I been foolish enough not to see that it was too good to be true? Or too good to last?

When we think we're in love with someone, it can be hard to know when to keep hoping, and when to let go. Even when we realize letting go is the best option, it can be one of the hardest things to do. Of course, we'll always have our memories with that person. Amazing memories of them sweeping us off our feet. We tend to replay the memories in our head over and over again. Those we'll always have, and they're not a bad thing. I have a personal belief that we should never regret things that once made us smile.

Getting over someone we loved is not an easy task, and we can't expect it to be instant. A year after my summer romance in Borden, I still feel a pang of hurt when I think of my Romeo. Let's call him Romeo, for the sake of the article. We have kept in contact since Borden, but I haven't seen him. I now have a boyfriend I've been with for eight months and Romeo is seeing someone new. We're friends on Facebook, although at times it's awkward because really, we're not friends at all. All we have that brought us together is those few weeks we had last summer, a feverish youthful romance that I think, in retrospect, was over before it even started.

Even though it is hard to accept, it is important to realize that if they were so quick to break our heart without so much as an afterthought, we are better off without that person in our life. Sure the times we spent with them were great at the time, how it all ended shows their true colors. Heartbreak is not an easy thing to go through, but be thankful that it happened then and not later, before we had the chance to get even further invested in the relationship.

It is personal preference, but usually if we just had our hearts broken, we won't be in the mood to rush into anything else with someone, even if it is a so-called rebound. It can be a bad choice, because our heart will still be with our Romeo and we won't want to be emotionally attached to anyone else, even if we try. It's not good because also, the new person we become involved with could develop feelings that ultimately will not be returned. Just because our heart is broken doesn't mean that we should risk doing the same to someone else. It is easy to develop a cold-hearted manner towards relationships for a while, and it is normal. We were hurt, so we are afraid to trust, afraid to open our minds to some new relationship, casual or otherwise. We probably cannot fathom the idea of saying "I love you" to someone else for a very long time, and that is perfectly okay.

Ultimately, it is our decision, but sometimes it may be best for us to cut off all contact with the one who broke our heart. Delete their number from our phone, including those texts that we saved. Delete any pictures if we think seeing them may trigger further heartache or resurrect old feelings. Unfriend them from Facebook, block them if we think we are going to be creeping through their profile. Seeing that they are moving on without us will only hurt, especially if the relationship ended not long ago.

Give it time. There is no definite time period that we should follow in order to get over someone, especially if we were in love. Do not feel like it has been too long, or let someone tell you "Get over them already". Love is an emotion that can form quickly and unexpectedly, but can last for a long time, even if the relationship ends. We can't just shut it off, even though sometimes we wish we could. We need time to heal and to accept the reality of the situation, and everyone should take as much time as they need.

However, it is important not to dwell on it. It helps to do things to keep our minds off feeling sad. Yes, we need time to grieve, but we shouldn't let it keep us from having fun and moving on with our daily lives. Nothing will be solved that way if we spend our entire time lying in bed feeling sorry for ourselves. Sure there will be days where we will take time to cry, and that is fine. Emotions should be expelled, not bottled inside. It is important to keep in mind, however, that we can go out with friends, participate in our favorite hobbies, and do things to make us feel good about ourselves. It makes the healing process easier.

When we fall in love, we hope that it will not end in heartbreak, although we know that this is not always the case. When we get into a serious relationship with someone, we are always taking a chance and laying our heart on the line. Love and loss tend to go hand in hand, but it is good to know way to cope if one day we wake up and find that our love is no longer reciprocated.

Do you normally have a difficult time getting over someone?

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