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How to Get Over with Your Ex: A Heart Break Healing Guide

Updated on April 26, 2014

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The Sad Reality

Have you experienced sharing a deep, meaningful relationship with someone and then without any warning, your relationship just went sour? And before you knew it, you are there, left alone, clueless, feeling terrible and stuck with a thought…"how can I get over with my ex and start moving on with my life alone?"

The feeling of suddenly being single is like being struck with a lightning that you’d rather die in its impact than face the world after its strike.

Well, it is inevitable to feel terribly hurt, betrayed and lonely. I guess everybody has to go through it. From the Kubler- Ross model on the five stages of grief, you have to go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression before you can finally walk in to the road of acceptance.

The art of letting go

You need to accept your pain

You need to accept your pain. Stop living on… it was my fault, what have I done wrong and what if’s! Don’t think too much and over analyze things. For now, just let it flow in you. Accept the pain. Cry if you must and cry it all. Don’t leave a single tear to shed in the future. This is your moment to cry for your ex and after today, it’s over. You don’t have to waste your lifetime blaming yourself or blaming him on your break up. One of the best thing to do is to talk to your best friend or to your family or to someone you are close with. It will make things easier for you.

Caught Unprepared

If you feel like you were caught unprepared and there are things you’d like to tell him, then sit down and write him a letter. Write what your heart cries. Write it all. Don’t be afraid. Tell him everything that you feel. Tell him your expectations on your relationships especially your pain. Take all your time to compose the most beautiful, hateful, lengthy love letter you’d ever write in your whole life.

Then crumple it with your hands and burn it. Watch it burn up to very last end of the paper, until it all turns black and be gone with the wind.

Yes. You do not have to sent the letter ‘cause the ugly truth is… he doesn’t care. And he won’t even read the letter. And worse, he might come straight to your door and tear it on your face and you don’t want to experience the same humiliation. The letter was meant to help you pour out your emotions- unleashed your deeply hurt ego. Stop thinking that he might change his mind after he reads your letter and please don’t beg him to come back to you cause if he truly loves you, he wouldn’t have chose to hurt you in the first place. Leave a little pride to your self.

Let me remind you that going through this phase is not easy, so don’t jump into another relationship if you’re not totally over with your past.

Finally, you have released your suppressed emotion. Now, it’s time to look back on your flaws and shortcomings.

Yes and it’s not a joke. Experience is your best teacher. and you don’t want to experience the same pain. You don’t want to waste your time on undeserving people. You don’t want to kiss another frog hoping he’d turn out to be a prince. Learn from your mistakes. Examine and Analyze what went wrong and do better this time.

Don't make a move you'll soon regret

No matter what happens, stay away from your ex. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t email. If you share the same house, then get your stuff and get out. You don’t want to live in a place filled with so much memories. You don’t want to reminisce every detail of your life together. You don’t want to cry while eating your favourite pizza just because you had great memories in it. This will help you recover from your break up more easily.

Focus on unaccomplished goals.

This is the best time to focus on your unaccomplished goals. Maybe you have always wanted to learn how to paint, write a song, or learn how to swim but because you were too busy with your romantic relationship, you didn’t have time to accomplish it. Or maybe you have neglected a few of your friends because you spent most of your time with your ex- well now is the perfect time to reconnect with your friends. Friends provide the most valuable support network especially this point of your life.

Seek Help

If you were seriously affected by the break up, it’s fine to seek relationship advise through counseling. There are also relationship forums available on the website who can share with you their relationship break up advice. You need to work on you emotional and psychological health. Don’t take it for granted.

Seek Guidance through reading

Read some inspirational and motivational books. Don’t limit your self to ways that can help you with your broken heart. There are a lot of good authors that gives good advice. My favorite book is Quest for Love by Elisabeth Elliot. Look into your soul and nourish it with the things it desire. Your soul desires to be happy, so stop being bitter. It desire to be free, so stop dwelling on the pain. It desire to move on, so stop holding on.

Live life again

You may also want to consider going to the gym. Breaking up can give so much stress. Exercise or any form of physical activity can release a hormone called endorphins which leads to a feeling of euphoria. You may also want to explore the world and join a mountain climbing club.

This way you will meet a whole new circle of people. Some of them will become your friends. and Who knows, maybe one of them is your soul mate. And isn’t it finding someone is the ultimate answer on how to get over with your ex?


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