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10 Secrets for Seducing Women

Updated on January 28, 2014

Do you need some hot, babe action tonight? Well, read this article and the secrets to seducing women are yours.

While other people and other articles and various unseemly internet sites claim to have the secrets to seducing women, only this article really gives you the true secrets. These secrets have been culled from hundreds of experiences, lots of talks with my girlfriends over red wine and cheese, and my vivid imagination, which thinks I'm married to Brad Pitt and that my three cats are his children.

So, read on and learn the rare secrets of female seduction. Use these secrets at your peril!

Get you some of this hot babe action
Get you some of this hot babe action | Source

Refer to your junk often - No matter what country or what culture, women universally respond to men who talk about their junk. The faster you get to the subject at hand, the better, because a woman's positive response is directly proportional to the speed at which you point out to them that you are extremely well-endowed or that you are manscaped. Further, if you can rhyme when talking about your junk, this gets women extremely hot. Example: "Just between us. I have a beautiful..."

Lots of cologne - Again, this is another case where there's a direct relationship. The more cologne you wear, the more attracted a woman gets. Literally, if you can find a way to soak in your cologne for like a day or so, women will stick to you like flies. For bonus attraction, try drinking your cologne. There's nothing like a cologne tinged fart.

Jack 'n the Box - There's an old saying in women's dating circles: "Go to the box. Attract a fox." Since Jack n' the Box is like the Toyota Tercel of fast food restaurants, a hot woman will know you mean business right away when you take her there.

Be mean to animals - There is nothing a woman loves better than watching a man kick a dog in the face or throwing a cat over a guard rail and onto a busy highway. Take her to a zoo and go crazy and she'll probably rip your clothes off in public and do you right there.

Make her pay the bill - Take her to the most expensive restaurant, order a bottle of their most expensive wine, gorge on lobster. Then when the waiter comes with the bill, casually tell her you forgot your wallet. Women love a man with the kind of confidence that says: "I'll stick you with a $500 dinner bill and know that you'll still want me."

Stare at her chest - Do you really think she wore that low-cut blouse so you'd pay attention to her conversation skills? A woman wants to know you're digging the sweater puppies and there's no better way to say "nice job" than to keep your eyes down there all day long.

Say the following after every interesting thing you think you say: "Does that make you wet?" - The more you can ask the question, the better. Women want to know that you're concerned about their sexual readiness and desire toward you, so making sure they're aware of that interest is a good thing.

Refer to her as "Baby", "Honey", "Snookums", or "Bitchyboo" - Part of being in a long-term relationship is developing pet names for each other, so a man who meets a woman for the first time and already has a good list of potential pet names at his disposable is a hot commodity. Women love to be referred to as "baby". Although you don't want to delve right into the dirty stuff, getting a little dirty early on is always a good idea, so pet names like "taco pants", "trunk o' love" and "sexy crack" will work wonders. Added bonus: you don't have to remember her real name.

Pick your nose - Women love men who know how to use their fingers. Digging a juicy one out of your nostrils shows them you have the kind of dexterity they crave.

One word: "Yugo" - A lot of people don't know this, but "Yugo" is the Serbian word for "Stud lover". So when you pick her up in a Yugo, you are subtlely telling her that you will make her every sexual fantasy come true. Other cars that make a real impact are the Subaru Justy ("justy" means "throbbing sexual organ" in Japanese") and the Chevrolet Aveo ("aveo" is a slang word heard on the backstreets of Detroit that refers to a drink that makes a woman ravenous for men with hellacious body odor).

Help me, stranger!
Help me, stranger! | Source

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • Sychophantastic profile imageAUTHOR

    Sychophantastic 

    23 months ago

    I appreciate the comments!

  • promisem profile image

    Scott S Bateman 

    23 months ago

    A friend told me that "I have made love to less than 1,000 women" is a very effective pickup line.

  • eyesasc profile image

    eyesasc 

    5 years ago

    total wtf !

  • AmandaJon profile image

    Amanda Jones 

    5 years ago

    This is a great advice! Now we really know how to win a woman's heart))

  • profile image

    petereview 

    5 years ago

    Haha i like the way you lay everything down! Some great advice here, exept of the cologne, dont thing that girls like if you smell like a cologne factory.

    I have also some tips here: http://www.getlaidcollege.com

    Hope you like them,

    Cheers!

  • nerdmama7 profile image

    Nerd Mama 

    5 years ago from USA

    LOL. So I was reading and my first question is... What rhymes with "us"? I honestly wasn't sure if you joking or not until halfway through the article.

  • Sychophantastic profile imageAUTHOR

    Sychophantastic 

    5 years ago

    Sometimes people learn more from what not to do.

  • Digory profile image

    George Reagan 

    5 years ago from Hampstead, Maryland

    Great Hub, I love the humor.

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