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How to Initiate a Kiss

Updated on January 3, 2013

It doesn't matter if you are a guy or a gal, initiating a kiss is some scary business if you've never tried it with that special someone. There are a few things you SHOULD do and SHOULDN'T. This is your go-to how-to guide for getting some action on those lips.

This might get uncomfortable pretty quick so don't make it a long pucker.
This might get uncomfortable pretty quick so don't make it a long pucker. | Source

Make sure you're comfortable

There's nothing worse than going in for a kiss when one or both of you are in some awkward position. If you're a guy at a restaurant, don't lean over the table and have your tie end up in the soup. Wait for a moment when you both are already in close proximity and there is no chance that either of you will fall, trip, or get a crook in the neck.

Prolonged eye contact

This is probably the most crucial part of initiating a kiss. Look the other person in the eye and hold your gaze. Don't be the first one to look away. You should immediately be able to tell if a kiss is welcome by the amount of intensity in the gaze returned. If the other person quickly looks down, that is a red flag that you should wait for a bit.

Touch the other person in a non-threatening way

In other words, no boob grab or butt pinch. Instead, put your hand on their hand, or perhaps pull the other person in close with a warm embrace around the waist. Girls love to have their hair played with or a gentle squeeze on the neck and shoulders. Touching the face (specifically the cheek) is an intimate gesture as well.

Should you ask permission?

There are two schools of thought on this issue.

1. Some people think that asking permission is polite. It shows that you care about the other person's intimate space and you aren't assuming that you can go in just because you two might be flirting.

2. Others think asking permission ruins the moment and is a bit on the dorky side. How many romance movies do you see where the two people discuss the kiss before it happens?

My opinion is this: There are times when it is appropriate to ask and other times, when it might kill the moment.

To ask or not to ask?

Ask permission first
Go for it!
At a bar or a dance club- first time meeting.
Your on a romantic date and the other person is playing footsie at the table.
If the other person is with someone else (even if only kinda).
You're slow dancing together and you can't get close enough.
If you are dating someone much younger than you.
You are tangled up on the couch watching a movie together.
If you aren't 100% sure he/she wants a kiss.
You are taking a romantic walk in the woods holding hands.
You are saying goodnight on the front steps and he/she hasn't asked you inside.
You are alone in a car having an intense discussion about love...and the moon.
You are in front of family members.
The girl is leaning up against a wall playing with her hair and giggling. It's pretty much a "kiss me please" pose.
Some couples are okay with public displays of affection- some are not.
Some couples are okay with public displays of affection- some are not. | Source

Start slow

Don't go full throttle with an open mouth and wiggly tongue. It's too much like a weird scene from Alien. If this is your first time kissing, just give a gentle closed mouth kiss to see where things are headed. It's easy enough to slide into tonsil hockey should both parties be "feeling" it, but if one isn't, the slobber might just gross him/her out.

A cheek kiss is probably best for this situation.
A cheek kiss is probably best for this situation. | Source

When in doubt

A kiss on the cheek can be friendly or romantic too. Sometimes you might be unsure about the other party. Giving a kiss on the cheek that is just a bit longer than normal can be the first step to a fun makeout session.

The best part is, if the other person isn't into it, then you simply say that you are European and that is the perfunctory way to say hello and goodbye. A nice smooth out!

Do not imitate this couple (and maybe don't be eating your lunch while you watch)

Have you ever attempted a kiss and misread the signals?

See results


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    • anupma profile image

      Dr Anupma Srivastava 

      5 years ago from India

      Really very interesting and useful hub. One must know when to kiss one's partner. A kiss can resolve the serious issues within a minute.

      Thanks for sharing such interesting hub.

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas through August 23, 2019.

      Who wouldn't stop and read a hub like this? Not me for sure. I'm glad to confirm that everything you have said in this article about kissing is reliable and I am glad to serve as expert editor.....please note the level of sarcasm in my statements.

      Great job on this one Julie, and I enjoyed your photos as well. The giggling kids were a nice touch.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      6 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      An interesting and insightful topic, a spur of the moment act kissing can be awkward if you are doing it for the first time. Voted up!

    • MelChi profile image

      Melanie Chisnall 

      6 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      This was great! Brought back all those memories of first dates and kisses...oh my goodness! Wish I'd known half the stuff you've written here back then. Super post!

    • tehjib profile image

      Kudrat-E-Khuda Barat 

      6 years ago from Bangladesh

      Interesting hub! A nice and pleasant reading. Thanks :)

    • michyoung profile image


      6 years ago from North Carolina, USA

      My first time to encounter a kind of hub. Well, I had a great time reading it. I wonder what my first kiss would be. ha ha

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 

      6 years ago from North Carolina

      What a 'different' hub, Julie. Loved the video-that was hilarious.

    • FullOfLoveSites profile image


      6 years ago from United States

      It's quite a, uh "daring" hub! Just kidding. :D

      I think for the guys especially, it's good to ask permission, even if his girl doesn't need him to do it. To me it's quite an endearing trait.

      Voted up and interesting. :)

    • juliataylor profile image

      Julia Taylor 

      6 years ago from Calforina

      I think you have a great practical experience of kisses .... Because you have such a great knowledge of it.... lols i like your post voted up...

    • Sherry Hewins profile image

      Sherry Hewins 

      6 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

      Looks like a very practical guide to getting kissed. I'm sure it will be very successful. Voted up and shared.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 

      6 years ago

      I can see how this will generate google interest. It's something that crosses the mind when you are entering a relationship -- happens every day! Your chart is amusing, but is truthful. Great post and well done.

    • cabmgmnt profile image


      6 years ago from Northfield, MA

      Nice hub! It helps in those awkward situations to have an idea on how to move forward and this has great tips.

    • Flemily profile image

      Emily Cappo 

      6 years ago from New York

      So sweet and love your photos, especially the one with the kids giggling!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 

      6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      My friend and I were just having this conversation this past weekend. I need to share this with her. She is recently divorced and convinced she doesn't know how to make the first move. I told her just to go for it.

    • carter06 profile image


      6 years ago from Cronulla NSW

      This is funny Julie, loved it...and ever so helpful :) VUUAB & shared...cheers

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 

      6 years ago from New York, New York

      Oh I loved this Julie and the video was too funny!!! Thanks for putting this Hub together!!

    • mr-veg profile image


      6 years ago from Colorado United States

      Nice Lippy hub :) Interestingly put together !!

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 

      6 years ago from Finland

      This was a nice hub and a good guide for those who need it, LOL! Having the first kiss is always exiting. This hub brings back many memories too. :)


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