- Gender and Relationships
How to Leave a Bad Relationship
The idea of romance and love like it is in the movies is not a reality for many people in the real world. We have a notion of who our perfect mate should be and most times, you end up meeting the wrong person and you know that they are wrong for you from the beginning but you continue to date.
For others you have done well with your partner and there have been ups and downs but you are both happy and will continue to go through life together, growing, experiencing things together and finally growing old together.
Toxic relationships are ones that are no good from the start, you love this person but they bring you down and strip you of everything that you ever believed love could be.
These relationships start with fun and most do have a lot in common but there are underlying issues or situations that cannot be worked through in your relationship. The one partner brings the other one down, making them feel inadequate, unloved, insignificant and stupid. So much so, that it breaks down their confidence and they are unable to move forward with their own lives.
A dominant partner or one that is self absorbed cannot think to include you into their personal space and everything that is done, is done for them, leaving the partner to feel like a tag along puppy on a leash.
Control freaks need to have everything done their way and there is no room to have it any other way, leaving their partners to feel inadequate and useless.
A toxic relationship is one that breaks your spirits, makes you feel like a punching bag or just makes you feel nothing at all and the problem here is that you actually think that this partner loves you back, making it difficult to leave.
They tell you that they love you and there are special moments where you feel a little something but in general, you are neglected and if spoken to, broken down.
Getting out of a relationship is difficult for someone that has dedicated all their time and energy into giving out all of their love, until they cannot give anymore. Some people continue on and just find a way to live in that environment while others crack after a couple of years, leading to something so out of character that it causes further problems.
For the intelligent ones, they decide that this is not the way to be treated and that they deserve better, leaving their partner in the dust.
How to Leave a Bad Relationship
Having a history with someone makes it difficult to just leave but if you look back at the history, can you say that it has been a good chapter?
Most will say that they have had some wonderful times and that they have been through so much with their partners but the honest truth is that, if there were bad moments, you probably went through it feeling alone or taking the brunt of the stress.
A bad relationship is a bad relationship and it will not change! You have probably had conversations about your unhappiness, the way you have been treated or the lack of love that you have felt but it has fallen on deaf ears.
Your expectations of wanting to wait to see if your partner will change or your hopes of him/ her proving their undying love, is not going to happen and years could go by, wasting your life with the wrong partner, when the right one is still out there.
There are a few steps to leaving the bad relationship and by now, if you have not seen or felt change, (I am not talking about a good month every six months) then THIS is how your life will be forever.
You will always feel that you are waiting to see if he/she will shower you with love and adoration, that empty feeling will always be there and you will end up unmarried, without children, without a career and ALONE.
Take a lesson with these few steps and get the hell out of there!
What is the Secret to a Good Relationship?
Step 1 - Start Planning
Before you let your partner know what you are wanting to do, plan your life ahead. Decide where you are going to live and if you have debts together then work out a way to solve these issues before you leave.
Start working out where you will take your belongings and when you are going to go.
Planning things before you let your partner know is a good way to avoid arguments and feeling insecure about their reaction. If you can tell them that you are leaving and give them a solution to all the questions that they would want to ask or arguments that they would want to throw into your face, leaving will be quick and painless.
Step 2 - Avoid Physical Contact
Try your very best to avoid physical contact with your partner if you are prepared to leave as this will cloud your decision and it will make it harder for you to leave.
By sleeping with your partner, you will be taking one step back and it will make things difficult for you to move forward.
An intimate relationship draws you closer to a partner that you have been with for long and by avoiding intimacy, you will be shutting yourself off from further complications.
Step 3 - Tell Your Partner You Are Leaving
If it helps right down everything that has to be done before you leave. Sit down with your partner and be strong because if you are not calm and strong it will cause arguments that will be unresolved.
Calmly let them know that you are leaving and inform them of what needs to be done before you go. If you have debts together, give them a solution to the problem without arguments.
Say what you have to say and then let your partner know when you will be leaving.
Once you have had said what is on your list, get up and go.
Step 4 - Pack Your Bags
Now that you have told your partner that you are leaving call the movers or whomever it is that will be helping you move and confirm a time.
Pack your things and ensure that you do it all in the same day. Get your things out of the room and have them ready at the door for you to escape easily and quickly.
Make sure that you are packed up and ready to go, leave paperwork or whatever it is that you need to for debts, etc and get out on the same day.
Step 6 - Avoid Contact
Once you are out the door, do not tell your partner where you are going, switch off your phone and do not have any contact with your partner at all.
You need time to process what has just happened as this will be a very emotional time for you.
Take the time to cry, feel like you have made the wrong decision and get some rest.
This might take a few days but without contact, it will be a lot easier to deal with.
Do not think about speaking to your partner and if you have left something behind, just forget about it.
This is a huge step and a big moment for you that will seem like the end of the world at first but it will be the best decision you have made in a long time.
Walking out will give you back your confidence and you will be halfway back to finding yourself.
Step 5 - Get Out and Go
Once you have packed up, get out!!!
If you stay for another day or wait until you need to settle debts then you will never leave.
Do it now even if you have to stay at a hotel, in your car or at a friend, just go!
It will also help to shut out any conversation with your partner so that you can avoid arguments or emotional cartwheels for the last time.
Leave directly after you have told them that you are going to and walk out gracefully.
Step 7 - Take a Time Out
Keep away from your partner, do not switch on your phone and if you are working, then concentrate on yout job and let people in the office know to say that you are unavailable for calls.
It is probably best to take some time off work while you take this huge step to allow yourself time to grieve and cry. If you think that work will take your mind off if the situation then work or find something to do to get you out of relationship mode.
Give yourself a week or two before you need to work out finances or issues with your partner so that when you do see him/her you will be able to talk normally without cracking up.
Get Away From it All
Step 8 - Tie Up Loose Ends
After you have taken the time to settle in to your new environment and you have cried until you can cry no more, then you can call your partner and ask to meet somewhere neutral to discuss all your loose ends.
If you feel that you are not ready to face them, then don't!
Should you want to close the chapter it is best to do it yourself but if you feel that you are not ready to do that, then get someone else to go and sort out whatever needs to be sorted for you.
This has to be done in order for you to move forward and if you have moved out and have packed up everything, then you are already half way to your new life.
If you do decide to meet your ex, then find a place where you cannot cause a scene, get everything ready so that you are prepared for the conversation and when you finally do meet up, do not crack up.
Be calm, be confident that you have made the right decision and let him/her go officially to give you closure.
Do not listen to them begging you to come back, don't listen to promises of a better relationship and try to end things as amicably as you can.
This is someone that you have spent a lot of time with and there is no need to end with a bang.
Walk away calmly and let them know that you have made the right decision, wish them the very best and leave.
Start Your New Life after a Bad Relationship
You are free!!!
Your whole life is ahead of you and you can have a great future because you deserve to.
Do not regret leaving, do not feel bad that you have and do not date immediately.
Dating is something that you will need to avoid so that you do not go into another bad relationship.
Concentrate on your career, your new home and your own personal space.
Do all the things that you couldn't do when you were in your troubled relationship.
Take a holiday because that will take your mind off of everything and you will come back with clarity.
You deserve to be happy
You deserve to be loved
You deserve to be adored
You deserve to be respected
You deserve to have someone that will love you completely and eternally
You owe it to yourself to enjoy life, find happiness and break free from being broken down.
This will give you strength and it will also teach you to accept nothing but the best for you, why?
YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED COMPLETELY.
Toxic Relationships and How You Feel
A toxic relationship is hard to sort through when you love the person completely and with all you have to give.
The unfortunate truth is that you have tried your best and have not succeeded in getting the same love returned.
Blinded, by your love you do not realise just how neglected you really are and it will eat you up intil you are broken down completely, where there is a point of no return for you.
Your partner will never know how much they have hurt you and they will always make it as if you are the one that is always in the wrong.
The attempts to try to gain yor partners love will be failed each and every time no matter how many times they say that they love you and perhaps a sorry once in the many years that you have been together.
You will feel alone, isolated, neglected, you will lose your self worth and you will definitely not understand just how special you are.
Your partner will break your spirit and make you feel weak until there is nothing left for you but the cold feeling of being empty inside.
There is always a breaking point where at that time is too late for you in the relationship.
Love is easy and unconditional, you shouldn't have to try too hard to get approval and no matter how much you try, the partner you have chosen is damaged and to avoid yourself getting punched up by words and verbal abuse.....LEAVE!!!!! LEAVE!!!!!!! LEAVE!!!!!
You have a chance to get away from the destruction and there is only so much pain and heartache one can take before you are completely broken.
A chance to find someone that will love you, adore you and fulfill each and every dream that you have had. They will support you, be loyal, faithful and you will feel love once again.
Move out of the toxic relationship before you are unable to give anyone else a chance.
© 2014 Natasha Pelati