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How to Get Rid of a Girlfriend

Updated on May 14, 2015
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What to Do When You Don't Care Anymore

There are a myriad of ideas to be a romantic. However, there are men who don’t know the first thing about romance. They only know how to use and abuse. Still, a word to the wise is sufficient. If you have found out that you have saddled yourself to the wrong woman, and want to lose her in quick order, there are some tried and true ways.

There are two main ways to lose a girlfriend – internal and external. The internal allows you to destroy her self-esteem until she gets the clue that you are no good. The external allows you to humiliate your girlfriend in public and have the opinion and urging of her family and friends to get rid of you. Here are some ways to lose a girlfriend:

The Internal Ways to Lose a Girlfriend

  • Lie to her. Tell her all the things she wants to hear. It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s true. She just has to believe it. Better yet, lie in such a way that she easily catches you in the lie;
  • Beg to move in with her, and then don’t do a thing to help out financially;
  • Don’t take her anywhere except to bed;
  • Borrow money constantly and don’t pay it back. In fact, borrow money for a car, then get angry when she asks for the loan payments;
  • Don’t return her phone calls;
  • Make plans to go out, then don’t show up or answer your cell phone;
  • Disappear for days. When you finally arrive home, offer no explanation. If fact, get angry if she asks you where you were for those days;
  • Have sex maybe once a week. Tell her you may be willing if she loses a few pounds;
  • Leaves the house when she tries to discuss the relationship;
  • When your girlfriend thinks you are cheating on her, tell her she’s crazy;
  • When the two of you go out, make your girlfriend pay for everything;
  • Take a picture of her without makeup and post it on the Internet a la Russell Brand with Katy Perry;

The External Ways to Lose a Girlfriend

If you find that your girlfriend puts up with you despite using the above techniques to get rid of her, the external ways may do the trick. What goes on behind closed doors can be hidden. When you abuse your girlfriend in public, there are no making excuses for your behavior.

  • Introduce her as your ‘friend’ in public;
  • Ignore her when you go out together;
  • When you go out together and another woman sends a drink for you, take it, thank the woman across the bar, and invite her over;
  • Argue with her, curse, yell, and/or embarrass her in public;
  • Go to a dance, flirt and dance with everyone in the room except her;
  • Lock her out of the house whenever you are angry with her;
  • Give your cell phone number to other women. Tell them it's ok to leave a message for you, When they call, speak in a way to let your girlfriend know you are talking seductively to the woman;
  • Disrespect her in front of her friends and family.

Specialty & Cruel Break-Ups

If any of the above treatments do not work, and your girlfriend is still hanging in the relationship, you can always use one or more of these techniques:

  • Break up with her by cell phone;
  • Send her an email breaking up with her;
  • Send her a break-up fax. It’s a little archaic, but it will especially work if you send the fax to her job;
  • Hit her;
  • Give her a STD;
  • Have the new girlfriend call her up, inform her that your boyfriend is now with her, and will not be back

Repeat any or more of these actions often, at will or in combinations. Of course, if you were a decent man, you would simply sit down with your girlfriend and tell her it is over and why. If you are a coward who needs excuses so your girlfriend will leave you, the above behaviors, one or several, will guarantee you will break up. As an added benefit, it will certainly keep her from ever coming back to you.


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    • Carolyn2008 profile imageAUTHOR

      Carolyn Gibson 

      7 years ago from Boston

      Written with tongue firmly in cheek.

    • PluralGem profile image

      PluralGem 

      7 years ago from London, England

      Is this from past experience or a funny hub? :)

    • Carolyn2008 profile imageAUTHOR

      Carolyn Gibson 

      7 years ago from Boston

      Thank you for your comment, Paul.

    • PaulGoodman67 profile image

      Paul Goodman 

      7 years ago from Florida USA

      I think you've covered everything there! I think the "Give her a STD" one would be particularly unpleasant!

    • Carolyn2008 profile imageAUTHOR

      Carolyn Gibson 

      7 years ago from Boston

      Thank you.

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 

      7 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      These are some good suggestions. Great hub!

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