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How to Deal With Breakup and the Resultant Loneliness
Overcome Loneliness After a Failed Marriage
Divorce usually sends us into a world of confusion and vulnerability. Ending a marriage is one of the hardest things you will ever do, especially if children are involved. It’s never easy when your marriage ends especially when you remember the great moments of happiness you shared during the marriage. Even when you think that you will be happier, that your life, as well as the lives of your children, will be better in the long run, you are still left to deal with the knowledge that you have failed as a spouse. Whatever the reason for the divorce and whether or not you wanted it – the breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of mixed feelings to deal with; hunt, anger, remorse, betrayal, sadness, blame. A divorce or breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments.
Don’t fight your feelings –it’s normal to have lots of ups and downs and conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. After all, divorce is a life-altering event especially that which is accompanied by a high number of negative and powerful emotions.
Loneliness is one of the many unfortunate by-products of a failed marriage. Therefore, it is essential that you take the necessary actions required to overcome loneliness before it takes control of you, overwhelm and overtake you, and result in depression. But there are things you can do in this difficult time. The following tips on how to overcome loneliness after a failed marriage will be of assistance:
Cultivate new friendships
It can be extremely tempting to isolate yourself after a divorce, but isolating yourself will only make this time more difficult. Don’t try to get through this on your own. Reach out to trusted friends and family members. People who have been through painful breakups or divorces can be especially helpful. Even in the midst of the sadness and stress of a divorce or breakup, you have an opportunity to learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person. They know what it is like and they can assure you that there is hope for healing and new relationships. You may feel embarrassed, extremely sad, and very lonely. However, while it is healthy and necessary to occasionally take time alone in order to grieve and heal you cannot overcome loneliness by doing so for often. It is far more beneficial to surround yours with loved ones who can offer you support, and uplift you when you are feeling down.
If you like you have lost your social network along with the divorce or breakup, make an effort to meet new people. Join a networking group or special interest club, take a class, get involved in community activities, or volunteer at your school, church. Spend time with people who support, value and energize you. While there is nothing wrong with solitude, being freshly divorced or separated, you may feel somewhat rejected and vulnerable. If this is the case it is important that you don’t isolate yourself. Surround yourself with people who are positive and who can truly listen to you. It’s important that you be honest about what you’re going through, without worrying about being judged, criticized, or told what to do.
Taking care of yourself after a divorce or relationship breakup
Learning to take care of yourself, can be one the most valuable ways to keep loneliness away following a divorce or breakup. As you feel the emotions of your loss, you can resolve to take care of yourself and make positive choices of how to move forward.
Invest time in your career
Another important element of avoiding loneliness following a divorce or separation is to stay busy. Remember that moving on is the end goal. Investing time in your professional life can help to take your mind off your misfortune and this will eventually lead to reward such as success and new responsibilities, which will help you find a good morale and good self-confidence. One of the aspects of divorce is that you are given the chance to concentrate on yourself again, and many divorced individuals find the freedom to follow their dreams, practice their passions, and discover their life purpose.
Rediscover your hobbies and interests
One of the very best and most beneficial ways to stay busy is to become physically active. Joining a gym or health club is not only a great way to meet people, it’s an excellent way to stay in shape, lose weight. Involving your with groups that bring together people who are interested in a particular hobby or activity is not only a way in which you can avoid loneliness, but it is also the perfect opportunity to rediscover who you are and what you enjoy in life. No matter what you’re into, whether it’s gardening, skydiving, or skiing, finding others with similar interests shouldn’t be too difficult. It is difficult to succumb to feelings of loneliness when you are fully engaged in an activity that you enjoy.
Spend quality time with your children
If you have children and are the custodial parent, this will not be as issue, you will, of course, stay busy taking care of your children. If you are the non-custodial parent, however, it is important that you also stay involved with your children. Loneliness cannot permeate your life when you are delighting in the experience of spending meaningful time with your children, and when you are watching them exude the joy of childhood. Children suffer from loneliness as the result of divorce as well. As a parent your children, without a doubt, are and will always be your number priority.
Do not mistake quality alone
Everyone is different in the amount of alone time they require. Remember that being alone does not necessarily equal loneliness. It can be a shock to your system to suddenly find yourself alone after you have spent a great deal of time being one-half of a married couple, and you may find it very uncomfortable at first. But this time to be a little selfish, be good to yourself, get to know yourself; enjoy the luxury of sleeping alone. When you are continually running away from yourself, you do not give yourself the chance to adjust to the reality of your new life. Therefore, it is essential to your overall sense of well-being to take necessary time to refresh and renew yourself in mind, body and spirit. Spend the time in meditation, exercise, reading or watching TV or movies.
Get outside help if you need it
If reaching out to others doesn’t come natural to you, then consider seeing a counselor or joining a divorce support group. The most important thing is that you have at least one place where you feel comfortable giving vent to your feelings.
In conclusion, getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward. You are not destined to a life filled with loneliness, simply because your marriage has failed. Remind yourself that you still have a future. Divorce is only the end of one chapter of your life, and the beginning of the next. It is your responsibility to be active in bringing about the necessary changes that are required to avoid feeling lonely, and to prevent many of the other negative feelings that inevitably come as a result of a divorce. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones. If you fail to handle loneliness carefully, it can succeed in preventing you from moving forward in your post-divorce life.