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How to Read your Date's Body Language

Updated on June 25, 2016
Sue Adams profile image

Fellow of the RAD Institute of Choreology. Books published by HarperCollins "Take Back your Health with Body Awareness".

Is your date a liar? Watch the body language.
Is your date a liar? Watch the body language. | Source

Is Your Date a Liar?

How do you accurately read your date's body language? Rather than falling prey to charm and verbal seduction tactics, be observant and trust your instincts. A little knowledge of body language can help you see the reality of a potential partner's character or intentions. For example, your date might be saying: "I really like your hair," while flicking a hand dismissively, or suddenly for no reason, twitching a leg, or kicking a foot.

When Things do not Add Up

Do the gestures and expressions contradict the words? That is the question.
Do the gestures and expressions contradict the words? That is the question. | Source

How do you Know?

How do you know when your date is not being sincere? Watch: where is the attention, the focus? They may be sidetracked by the competition parading by.

Famous modern dance choreographer Martha Graham once said: "The body can not lie". Instinctively we all converse in body language. Noticing the meaning of certain position, gestures, expressions and involuntary knee jerking and leg twitching requires some observation skills. Yet because body language is inborn, even in animals, learning more about it is just a re-affirmation of what your own body and its subconscious mind already knows. Body language is hidden in the genes.

To check up on your awareness of your date's body language, ask yourself the following six questions.

Six Questions

1. The Eyes. Concentrate on the eyes, where do they focus? Are they evasive, looking away or wide open, making friendly eye contact with you?

2. Direction. Which direction is your date facing? A are you sitting side by side, each facing your own way like equal buddies? Or is your date facing you in opposition?

3. Openness. Is your date's posture and position open, welcoming, assertive and approachable or closed up, frightened and introvert?

4. Twitching. Does your date have involuntary twitches, like aimless foot kicking or leg twitching without being aware of it? Or chewing on the fingers or nails? Or other irritating unconscious habits?

5. Honesty. Does your date's body language agree or contradict what the person is saying? Like the politician who says: "We are giving the issue utmost priority!" sitting cross-legged inadvertently kicking the issue away with the twitch of a kicking foot.

6. Compatibility. And finally, does the date's body language synchronize with your own, or do they move in opposition, against your positions, directions faced, and movements?

How Compatible Is Your Date?

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Who is Wearing the Pants?

Who is going to be wearing the pants in this potential future relationship?
Who is going to be wearing the pants in this potential future relationship? | Source

Confidence Versus Shyness

Someone who feels good in their body, is confident, open, well centered and physically balanced, is more likely to be good potential for a possible future relationship. If, on the other hand, the date is shy, introvert, sits all hunched up, looking beaten down and afraid of life, perhaps that date is a no-no. Of course there are extreme cases at both ends of the spectrum. A loud-mouthed, over-confident, boasting date with an almost violent style body language will, in the long run, probably turn out to become a control freak. A shy person, on the other hand, may have some characteristic treasures in store yet to be discovered. The fine nuances to look for may be found by looking at how someone uses their personal space.

Your Personal Space

You may believe that a person's body occupies the amount of space it needs from head to toe and as far as the limbs can reach out into space, but it does not stop there. Although that space is fixed by the size of the body and could be measured with a ruler, as soon as you begin to move and act, so your personal space also begins to change and grow or shrink according to how you behave in various circumstances. So while you are studying your date's body language, be well aware of your own. Let us look closer at your personal space, sometimes called the aura.

Rather like a protective bubble all around you,  the aura can reach far beyond the physical limits of the body itself.
Rather like a protective bubble all around you, the aura can reach far beyond the physical limits of the body itself. | Source

The Aura

The aura is personal space around the body. We use it all the time when moving, breathing, speaking, shouting or jumping, or relaxing. The aura may project itself far beyond the limits of the physical body itself. It can change in size and density.

You may act big or small and you can, to a certain degree, control who or what enters or has an influence on your personal space, the aura. Expanding your aura involves projecting energy coming from the gut: the whole body, heart and soul. The allure of great actors and the grace of dancers depend on this. You too can expand your aura, grow from within to discover and express your personality. The aura is used either to enhance a statement you feel is important, or to protect yourself from harm. To experience this for yourself imagine the two extremes of your body:

  1. huddle up into a little ball in fright, in the corner of a small dark room.
  2. take a huge jump in the air with your legs and arms wide open in a star shape.

Somewhere in between, your choice can be applied to every day situations.

For example, whenever standing in an airport queue, why not take a strong, outward growing aura? When really bored, you may even physically imagine taking grands jetés across the diagonal of the giant check-in hall. It sure keeps the queue crowd at a respectable distance.Try it, play with your aura. It's a real fun way to pass waiting time!

Body Language is Communication

Body language is a two-way process. Just as in a verbal conversation, much of your date's body language is a direct response to your own behavior. Here is a chance to communicate on a nonverbal level that reaches your date's subconscious mind. If your own aura is set to block out messages, then however hard your date is trying, his or her messages won't come across. You, the receiving end, can learn how to be open and welcoming, how to throw off all unnecessary baggage and barriers. Then, your mutual body language interaction becomes a true and honest conversation. In other words, neither be too shy nor too pushy; listen and look attentively.

Do not fake it. Many public figures trained in good body language come across as fake. With motionless hands, unblinking eyes, botoxed frowns, and fast speaking lips, they seem robotic, almost as unreal as victims of plastic surgery.

Want To Learn The Basics?

Advanced Body Language - Nonverbal Communication skills for Greater Understanding - Seminars On Demand - Motivational & Personal Development Training Video - Speaker James Malinchak- DVD + Streaming Video & Audio, MP3, Compatible on All Devices
Advanced Body Language - Nonverbal Communication skills for Greater Understanding - Seminars On Demand - Motivational & Personal Development Training Video - Speaker James Malinchak- DVD + Streaming Video & Audio, MP3, Compatible on All Devices

Advanced Body Language - Nonverbal Communication Skills for Greater Understanding is an interesting and helpful dynamic DVD Training Video by Director Michael Jeffreys featuring Bill Acheson.

Format: Dolby, Widescreen, NTSC

Number of discs: 1

Studio: Seminars on DVD

DVD Release Date: November 1, 2009

Run Time: 75 minutes

Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #141,293 in Movies & TV (See Top 100 in Movies & TV)


What Not to do on a Date

Dating Etiquette and Timing

And finally, without respecting plain ordinary dating etiquette, you won't be asked to date again.

So what is dating etiquette?

  • Focus on your date without distraction.
  • Listen to what your partner is saying.
  • When a thought pops up in your head, do not interrupt.
  • Store your thought until they finish saying what they want to say and listen.

Often the thought you had in mind is no longer relevant by the time your interlocutor has finished speaking. Listening and timing is crucial in effectively interacting with a date.

To Conclude

How to Read Your Date's Body Language involves awareness of your own body language. Foot kicking and leg twitching and other such involuntary behavior can easily be spotted. In this process we can become aware of our own twitches an eliminate those. Follow good etiquette for a successful dating experience. And lastly, the aura is a great asset in body language. The aura is the spotlight on your personality.

What Have You Experienced?

Have YOU dated someone whose body language obviously contradicted their story? Tell us in a comment.


© 2016 JULIETTE KANDO - You may link to this article, but you may Not copy it. Copied content will be reported with a DMCA notice and will be removed.



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    • Sue Adams profile image

      Juliette Kando 4 years ago from Andalusia

      Yes Savvydating, it would be interesting to sum up which style of body language creates a greater, more welcoming aura. Maybe you'd like to write a Hub about that.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • savvydating profile image

      savvydating 4 years ago

      Body language speaks volumes. People with open palms and good posture are ususally a pleasure to be around. On the other hand, people who are always touching their face (or rubbing their ear) may be lettting you know they're not particularly honest. The list goes on...

      Thanks for writing about this matter, Sue Adams. By the way, I think the aura thing is relevant, as well.

    • Sue Adams profile image

      Juliette Kando 5 years ago from Andalusia

      Hi Reina, thanks for that link, very interesting.

    • profile image

      Reina 5 years ago

      The tips you have here could really be help to those who are currently dating with a person they're not yet familiar with. Always pay attention to your date's body language. The person might be bored or he may turn out to be interested in you. There are just so many body gestures that mean so many things. You could get some tips on reading a person's body language on

    • Sue Adams profile image

      Juliette Kando 6 years ago from Andalusia

      I have been away for a while so here is a joint message for all you kind people who have left comments.

      Thank you for dropping by and appreciating this hub and please come back soon.


    • schoolgirlforreal profile image

      schoolgirlforreal 6 years ago from USA

      Like Cagsil said, now he doesn't have to write it. Lol

      Thanks very much, very insightful!

    • profile image

      ssaul 6 years ago

      interesting i will definitely try this out, i hope i ace it and get good results! thanks for sharing

    • Cagsil profile image

      Cagsil 6 years ago from USA or America

      Hey Sue, this goes right along with my hub on "People Watchers". It's always important to read people. It's important to understand that not everyone is always truthful with their words, because of different motivations in each person. How to read your date's body language is how one gains insight to those they are with at the time. Excellent Hub! :) Absolutely Awesome! Thumbs Up! :) Thank you so very much for posting this hub. I now do not have to write it. LOL! :)

    • profile image

      kohku 6 years ago

      Some very good tips here. I can't stand from new dates. I am never impressed by verboholics so it's a good idea to make a judgement based on body language. Like you say... the body cannot lie. You can even distinguish between honest body language and learnt mannerisms (which are the worst).

    • profile image

      Charlotte 7 years ago

      Thanks for the tips Sue. I'll know what to look out for now on my next date.

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