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How to Romance Your Spouse and Liven Up Your Marriage

Updated on February 13, 2012

How to Keep a Marriage Alive

In the beginning it's so easy, you merely have to look at each other and your pulse quickens. You laugh at each other's jokes, whisper sweet nothings in your beloved's ear, gaze longingly into each other's eyes for long moments of time. The annoying little habits are "so cute", everything thing about your mate is so perfect that you can't ever imagine them making your angry or hurting your feelings. Your "so perfect" mate simply walks into the room and you tingle with excitement. Let the fairytale begin, you are in love! If only you could feel like this forever.

Jump forward a year or two(maybe less) and you are picking up his or her dirty underwear from the bedroom floor or one wants to stay up and read, but the other wants the lights out. There are no groceries in the house and why didn't he or she go shopping, it was there turn. Who is supposed to do the cooking, or "I thought you paid that bill"! You know something is wrong when the longest conversation you have all day is about the bills or the house chores.

So, what happened? Where did that perfect mate that made your heart pitter-patter and consumed your every thought go to? Are those wonderful "first love" feelings gone forever? Must we be resigned to merely "getting along" instead of being passionate about each other?

The answer is no, it is completey possible to bring back those feelings only better because the love that you have now is much more than infatuation like it was in the beginning. You now have the opportunity to experience true love and caring for each other that goes much deeper than any kind of first love or crush that you had on each other. You now have some history together, made some lasting memories and you now have a foundation to build on. The key is to keep building and avoid tearing each other down when things get rough.

Part of what happens over time is you can fall into a rut. While that rut may be comfortable, kind of like a worn out shoe, it is not exactly thrilling. My husband once told me after we had been married a few years, not to worry about him looking at other women because I was "comfortable" like a worn out shoe (yes he used those words) and he would stay with me. This didn't exactly accomplish the joy he was looking for, needless to say, but looking back it is funny now.

Do you want to get out of your rut? Bring some excitement back? Of course you do, but how? I am going to list some suggestions, some from experience that I know work, but others I have read about and learned from the many marriage weekend seminars we have attended.

Ways to stir up the passion:

1. Exercise together: Wether you are runners, bikers, walkers or have never gotten off the couch, now is the time to start. Any type of moderate physical acitivity done with your mate will bring you closer. When my husband and I finish a marathon (though he finishes way before me) we are closer and more tender with each other for days after than at any other time. Something about the shared experience of an extreme physical activity forges a strong bond, both emotionally and physically beyond what I can explain.

2. Speak kind words to each other:This one may sound like common sense, but sometimes we can let our moods or stress get in the way and we end up snapping at or nagging our spouses more than saying loving things. It may seem forced at first but with practice you will find yourself doing this without thinking about it.

3. Put aside selfishness and put your spouses needs ahead of your own. This one, like the one above, takes practice, however if you try it you will see results. For example: Little things, like pouring your mate a cup off coffee or packing their lunch. Do a chore that is normally your spouse's chore especially one you know they do not enjoy. Make it a point to do at least one kind deed for your spouse each day. Within a week and maybe sooner you will notice results.

4. Become a student of your spouse: This one needs a little explaining. To become a student of your spouse you "study" him or her and find out every little detail that they are made up of. Every like or dislike, every interest, hobby, nuances, etc. You may know his or her favorite color, but do you know what her favorite song, his favorite food, her favorite book is? Do you know how he or she likes to be touched? There is so much you could learn about the other and when you do it will lead to numerous ideas for how to please and romance your spouse.

5. Be spontanious: One of the best ways to get out of the rut is to break up the routine. Have a last minute sitter in mind for those times when the two of you think of a crazy idea and then just go!

These are just a few suggestions, there are so many more and if your brainstorm you can come up with even more ideas that fit your relationship. The main thing of course is to take time out for each other and do not let the business of life and all the monotony (bills, work, chores,etc) get in the way. The love is still there, but it takes a little effort to bring back the passion. Is it worth it? Will it work in your marriage? You will never know if you don't try and you have nothing to lose by trying.

If you like, please feel free to leave comments and add some suggestions of your own. Thank you for reading!


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