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How to Save Your Marriage after an Affair

Updated on December 30, 2010

What would be your reaction when you caught your spouse in an extramarital affair?

Detection of an affair may trigger a host of emotions such as shock, anger, disgrace, dejection, guilt, remorse. One time you will feel that you should end this marriage and the next moment you wish to desperately save it. This is true that no one wants to experience the pain of divorce, however an affair weakens the foundation of marriage and to save ones marriage after an affair becomes a challenge. 

 Nothing is hard if you really love your spouse. If you are committed to save your marriage after an affair then it gets easier to repair and heal your relationship. The most important thing is to be calm, because arguments can further make the condition worse. You are desperate as your spouse cheated you despite the fact that you have given him complete trust. But now, to lower the strain in the relationship, don't let negative emotions to overcome you. To rebuild your marriage into a more satisfying relationship after an affair, here are some suggestions for both the partners: 

Save Your Marriage
Save Your Marriage

Tips to Save Your Marriage

  • When your spouse apologize for having an affair and admit that he is responsible for all the pain and hurt you are going through, then now its your turn to take a step and put in some efforts to save your marriage.
  • Once you have decided that your relationship and marriage is worth saving and you really desire to save it then start by listening to your spouse. You deserve answers such as how the affair came about and if your spouse too willing to save the marriage then he should answers your queries.
  • Good communication is necessary, so that feeling of rage, pain, betrayal could come out. This is compulsory to ensure that this situation doesn't happen again. There may be things that you would not like to hear from your cheating spouse about his affair, you can state it clearly.
  • Keep in mind that the conversation you are having with your partner should be constructive. If you are not in right state of mind then postpone any discussion on the issue. Give each other space and time.
  • Many times couples decide to stay in a marriage after an affair but fail to truly forgive the spouse and forget the whole incident. They keep blaming themselves too for the sore relationship and as a result they suffer
    emotionally and mentally.
  • Not recall the issue again and again, once discussions are over then don't try to dig the past yet again instead concentrate on rebuilding your relationship with your spouse. You can share your feelings with your trusted well wishers; this will give you emotional support.

Stop An Affair and Save Your Marriage

It can take a long time to rebuild the trust and heal the hurt as time is the great healer. Marriage counseling may help to cope with the situation. Once you decided to save your marriage after an affair, this is possible that you may emerge with a stronger relationship than before.

Saving a Marriage After an Affair: Is It Possible?


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    • LensMan999 profile image

      LensMan999 4 years ago from Trans-Neptunian region

      Hi Tulsa and steve,

      Thanks for sharing your views.

    • profile image

      steve 7 years ago

      said the divorce atty. You are nothing more than an ambulence chaser.

    • profile image

      Tulsa Divorce Attorneys 7 years ago

      Divorce is the only real option at that point because the faithful spouse will always feel the sting of the other spouse's transgression. The transgressing spouse can apologize until they are blue in the face, but that does not undo what they did.