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How to Spot a Loser in a Man

Updated on May 14, 2010

There are many things that make a man a loser or an asshole. If you have already read my asshole blog you will definitely love this one. Today, I'm going to talk about a subject women all know and love: dependancy upon the male loser. It has come to my attention that quite a few of my friends are going through this period of time where they attract loser men and for some reason want to stay with them. I want to put another disclaimer in here that this blog is for losers, not assholes. Believe it or not there is a distinction, but I'll delve into that later.

How to Spot a Male Loser

1.) He doesn't have a job. Of course there are stipulations to this. If he doesn't have a job because he went to college and is unable to find one at the current time but has a source of income then that's acceptable.

2.) It starts with "Can I borrow a few dollars for (whatever it may be)" and it ends up he's on your bankroll.

3.) He lives OFF of (not with) Mommy and Daddy.

4.) He has a drug habit that he says is recreational but somehow all your money goes to his recreation and you find yourself being able to eat less on your lunch break.

5.) He doesn't have a license because someone in law enforcement has removed it for something he states as "unneccessary".

6.) All of his friends have apartments that haven't been cleaned in years.

7.) He has no intention, nor will he ever, of bettering his life. He wants you to do it for him.

8.) I don't want no scrubs... scrubs is a guy that can't get no love from me. Hanging out the passengers side of his best friends ride trying to holla at me.

9.) If he smokes cigarettes, it will start with asking for a few when he gets a nic fit. After a short period of time though you're buying cartons so you can give him his own pack because he keeps stealing all of yours or because you want to save some money in the long run.

10.) He doesn't have a "real place" to live. He has no known address, and no phone number. He just shows up when he feels like it. This type of loser will also end up staying at your house for several nights... whether you sneak him through the window or not. Other than that I hope he has plenty of friends.

11.) He tells you that he loves you and makes you feel like you're the most important person in the world... yet can disappear for days on end without a phone call and have no excuse if he does get in contact with you.

12.) All your friends liked him at first, but now since you're not even able to go for a ride and get something at the dollar menu at wendy's with them, they don't seem particularly pleased.

13.) Because he doesn't have any source of income or any place to live, somehow you seriously contimplate spraypainting "TAXI" on the top of your car. Which coincidentially is always on empty from driving his ass around.

14.) They steal to get money for whatever the case may be. But don't worry, he won't steal from you.... even though you've thought about it.

15.) He has a warrant out for his arrest. He says it's nothing, and will tell you what it's about but somehow the story varies when speaking with his friends, family or even on the off chance he actually talks to YOUR family. Either way, no he's not going to court and nothing you can do will change that. And if he does, be prepared to bail him out.

Personally I have encountered a loser such as this years ago but I was able to get out and quickly. However, if you find yourself in this situation... and most likely more than 90% of this will apply to you, you need to get away from this man. Whether or not you want to believe it, he's sucking you dry and you're only going to be hurt in the end. If you haven't already noticed, most of your messages are from creditors because you did have great credit months ago.. what happened to that. Also, you're very familiar with your banks overdraft fees and how they operate... you definitely get enough of them. Just remember, you're not his mother, his caretaker or someone he can depend on for everything from his shoelaces to money for a haircut. Please stay away from men who just end up hurting you in the end after they bleed you dry and find someone else to leech off of. I'm sure if you've read this far I got to you in some way.

I'm open to any comments or suggestions you might have.


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  • profile image


    8 years ago

    Hello Everyone. I hope you are all sitting down for this one. I met a "Loser" 10 1/2 years ago. He was sweet, full of promises and aspirations. He would tell me that he wanted to marry me, that I was the first women he's ever loved. He had a job, a car and he seemed to be stable.

    He moves in with me and quits his job. The car which he led me to believe was his, was a company car and so there went the car. However, the car situation didn't last very long because mommy and daddy bought him a car. Oh and did I mention that at the time he was 43 years old. Anyhow, he sat on his behind for 6 months while I took care of him. When he finally found a job, I thought that things would get better. Boy was I wrong. He not only pocketed his money, he spent it. On what, I don't know. The worse part was that he would ask me for money because he was broke. If the car needed gas or the insurance had to be paid on it, I was the one paying for it. Just like I've been paying for everything else. He would contantly tell me that we were going to get married and when I called him on it, his reply was, "if you wouldn't argue about not being married, or about my not doing anything with my education and getting a better job, then we would be married". Then, he has the never to tell me that he barely makes money and that he doesn't have a bank account. HELLO!!! He has no friends and my friends are his friends as he says. He talks about friends, but at this point, I've come to realize that they are just imaginary because I've never met any of them.

    To make a long story short, I am in the relationship from hell being sucked by a leech who simply won't go away. We have a daughter and she adores him which is part of the reason I'm still with this loser. 10 1/2 years later, we are still not married. He is still telling me that he wants to get married and that he loves me. I'm still hearing his favorite words "we will". He has wasted a great education to be someone else's lacky at work. I work the overtime to make extra money and he sits home doing nothing. He has never purchased anything for our daughter, not even an xmas present. I am younger than my loser by 20 years--he is 54 now. I'm the responsible one. The one with the bank account and the life insurance. He has neither.

    As if any of this isn't enough, we now have his disrespectful and unappreciative 17 year old son living with us because his mother kicked him out two weeks ago after she had to call the cops on him repeatedly. I am not only putting up with his crap, but also his sons. His son can say whatever he wants to me and he will not say anything to him.

    My point is that "Losers" come in all different shapes, sizes and ages.

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    I am dating a Muslim, been knowing him for about 4 months now.And yes, I know we are NOT suppose to be dating at all, seeing that he is a Muslim, so I am suppose to keep my mouth closed about our RELATIONSHIP.Anyway, moving on, as time passed between us, I've found out some very interesting things about my BOYFRIEND...he chain smokes, drinks alcohol, cusses like a sailor on leave, lives in a house with his mother, does NOT have a job, already asked me for cash, twice.Excepts personal things from me, like,money, food, DVDs, clothes, rides in my vehicle, never offers any gas money,even asked me to buy him cigarettes before.He is home all day long, maybe fixing on a car for someone in his neighborhood, or feeding his neighbor's dog.I have mentioned to him that I can help him find a job.He has made no mention of it since.And this is the guy that is planning on placing a ring on my finger.OMG..what the hell did I get myself into???Also, I think he's hiding things from me, let's call it a deep gut feeling.I know he's still married, but I think there may be more than one woman involved with him.I don't see him making any progress to better his life.He does not own a license, no car, no job, no income,no home of his own,nothing.Ladies and gentleman, I know what you all must think of me.My mama, did not raise a fool.But right now, I think I have made a real big mistake in getting close to this guy.He told me when we first met, that he would never try to convert me.Guess what? He recently informed me, that he wants to be married to a Muslim female.And now has me in training to obey him.Question...he knew I was raised as a Christain, the very night we first spoke.Now if he KNEW I was NOT Muslim when we first said Hello to each other, then why would he come after me, if what he wanted was a Muslim female in the first place???There are so many things wrong with this picture.Let me explain something, I am an attractive female.Intelligent, usually..Lol.And very charming.How the hell did I end up in this situation?

  • profile imageAUTHOR


    8 years ago from Near Boston, MA

    I apologize for taking so long to respond to all of your comments. Unfortunately, Hubpages doesn't allow individual responses so I will address them one by one.

    Ms. Joe and Janette, I'm truly sorry this happened to you. No one deserves to be treated in the way you both were. Originally I wrote this article for a friend who was completely oblivious to what was going on. I'm just glad that you both got out of the relationships and that you know there are other people out there who have experienced the same hardships.

    Ken, Jessica, and E- thank you for your suggestions. With your permission I would like to add them to this article.

    Hana and Hazel, thank you for the kind words!

    And Hannah, I'm glad that you finally cut the payroll. If you're still talking to that man you should reevaluate your relationships as well as friendships. Unfortunately most people are taken advantage of by both. I am posting an article shortly about the types of friends to stay away from.

    Mauvais- While I appreciate your comments, you clearly believe that you are somehow above those who have fallen victim to this type of relationship. I usually approve comments unless they blatantly insult my readers. However, I chose to leave yours because it shows what a narrow-minded, cynical, self-righteous opinion people can have who have never been in this situation. Although you purpose alternatives, you're embracing this article as if I am talking about society in general and not individual relationships. Taking things so seriously and translating them to a global scale completely takes this article out of context.

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    By the way, here is a policy proposal for the consideration by you just meritocratic americans: Just eradicate poverty, for example by giving every 18 year old person 100.000$. (eg. from tax on inheritances). Eliminating material poverty in youth eliminates reason nr. 1 for failure in life, and thus, the nr 1 mechanism for producing losers from non-losers. I expect this to raise GDP.

    A loser may be someone who has given up, not just someone who is poor. But people don't give up on life unless they are quite intensely frustrated.

    What I'm proposing is: Make life easier and people will have better character, because it's easier to be good if you're well, than if you're deprived, depraved, jealous, see no way to where what you want because the standard ways are unavailable, because the standard means are not with you.

    Note that I am not advocatig giving money to losers to try to cure them, I'm advocating giving money to non-losers to make their life easier, and I'm justifying this with the utilitarian argument that people who'd otherwise become losers due to being in unacceptable poverty for a long time, won't.

    When your a loser it may be your responsibilitity.

    But when there are losers in society it is the policymakers' responsibility - thus, the voters' - yours.

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    There I go adding dumb crude cruelty to the world

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    Sorry to break it to you girls, but you speak of "losers", so you deserve to be talked to in kind.

    You get losers because you are losers. People try to date people of equal or superior quality to themselves. This results in people of roughly equal quality getting together.

    (Quality is a measure of how able a person is to get what he or she wants. This has to do with sex appeal (erotic capital), money (capital), education (human capital), popularity (social capital) and wether you do something interesting (symbolic capital). That is life. You can improve yourself by getting better looking, smarter, richer, or better at communication. Then you will have more valuable mates.)

  • profile image

    8 years ago

    How about he parties every night? There is something wrong with someone who has to party ever night right?

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    I love this article.;)

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    I am the queen of dating losers. I cut the last one off the "payroll" about 8 months ago. Why do I seem to find the biggest loser men?

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    No, if they live at home they are a complete loser. Any guy who has his shit together does not live with momma. Especially if they are out of college.

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    Thumbs up for the article and comments, 100% spot on. Love it!

  • profile image


    9 years ago

    This is the first time ever that I am writing a comment on any web site. That is only because I was hurting so much and I found this article which is 100%to the point. Here is my experience.

    I met a gorgeous Italian man in Los Angeles. From the get go I thought he sounded a little odd and crazy, but since he was good looking I ignored it. He proceeded to tell me that he has no job, just blew 2500 Dollars on cocaine, hates his life and his family, is in love with his mother and will commit suicide when his mom, the biggest love of his life dies, is waiting for her to die so he can inherit the paternal house, and that he knows he is in love with me the same night that he met me.

    He also said that he noticed I was rich and that he should move to my guest house. then he offered me to purchase him so he would stay in Los Angeles and not go back to Italy.

    During the week I spent with him he was completely narcissistic, selfish and self-centered and kept buming cigarattes from people in public places. He ordered me to drive him around and pick him up at certain times only to tell me to drive him to his next destination and wait for him. why did I do it? Because he was good looking.

    when he left Los Angeles, he said that I was his official girl friend and his fiancé. Against my better judgement I believed it out of desperation to be loved.

    after he sucked my emotions dry trying to counsel him re his problems for one month and heavy phone bills to Itlay,I finally wised up and told him that he was selfish and self-centered and that I wanted to be treated like a woman and not a mother. that is the last I heard of him 10 days ago. he disappeared into thin air, stating that because of the defects of his character, loser, he was hurt.

    ladies, losers are like buses. if you miss one, there will always be another!

  • profile image


    9 years ago

    As a straight guy, i scratch my head in AMAZEMENT at how often I see a truly beautiful and intelligent girl hitching her star to a LOSER. You left out a few other KEY LOSER SIGNS no lady should ignore: 1) He drives a loud motorcycle or loud car of any kind (that includes both loud engines and loud music) - this is a sign of total selfishness and disregard for the rest of the world within a 10 mile earshot radius. 2) His apartment or house is a STY. - DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME ON A SLOB. 3) He lives with more than one roommate - any guy worth his salt lives either alone or with his parents in a non-sponging way. 4) He is obsessed with some stupid sport (baseball, football, lawn darts - whatever - you will NEVER be as important as the next televised game). 5) He smokes (total sign of zero selfcontrol and immaturity) 6) He drinks to excess or does drugs - RUN AWAY FAST. 7) He curses frequently (sign of zero class) 8) He seems to bathe only weekly (trust me - this trait gets WORSE as they age, as does the stench)

    The greatest indicator of all is THIS: For a relationship to be successful, both parties must give equally to each other. If you are doing all the giving, not just financially but emotionally as well, you are better off ALONE.

  • profile image

    Ms. Joe 

    9 years ago

    Boy did you ever hit the nail on the head. I've just recently seperated from a loser that I allowed to move in with me. At the time he had a job and a ride, that was paid for, but since I was footing all the bills he decided.... oh, I;ve never had a new truck what a perfect time to get one.... so he did and shortly thereafter decided to go into business for himself, against my better judgement.

    It wasn't long before I was making the truck payment and helping out with gas for him to get from one job location to the next.... all the while never getting any compensation for bills around the house.

    After he finally quit smoking weed and I helped him to get a real job the economy made aturn for the worse and I was laid-off..... where may you ask is the loser that was there when he needed me..... well I guess he was a player not a stayer.

    I asked myself why I loved him so much, and the answer is .... he had a lot of great qualities... he was fun, charming, handsome and a good lover....but his true love was himself. He abandoned every child he ever had because fatherhood was to real for him. He paid child support... most of the time and thought that was enough.

    Stay away from any man who takes and never gives back in return. The old saying talk is cheap.... well it's true.... most loser men can talk the panties off a nun... but that's all they've got so they have mastered that. Just beware.


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