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How to Spot a Sure-Fire, Shiftless Smooth Operator

Updated on December 28, 2016
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth has been a member of HubPages for five years. He is retired from a 23-year career in the weekly newspaper business.

Smooth operators are always the center of attention
Smooth operators are always the center of attention | Source

Preface and fair warning

If you are an average guy and someone asks you (when you are single), "What is your number one dream?" Can you guess the answer? I know. You probably think that most single guys number one dream is to have the fastest car, most money, or best job. And you might be right, but only to a certain extent.

The bona fide, true blue, number one dream of single guys everywhere is to be a "smooth operator." Do not get upset. This is a double-edge term. There is absolutely nothing illegal or immoral about a guy who is so good at talking to women, dating women, and having women adore him. But the other side of the coin says, a self-centered "smooth operator" can be compared (by men and women both) to a worm, snake, or even a shiftless jerk.

Even in the swinging 1950's, smooth operators hung out on beaches and told pretty girls what they wanted to hear
Even in the swinging 1950's, smooth operators hung out on beaches and told pretty girls what they wanted to hear | Source
 Girls are drawn to a smooth  operators compliments like flies to left-out food
Girls are drawn to a smooth operators compliments like flies to left-out food | Source

Girls, this is for your own good

Be honest. Are you now or ever have been the "victim" of a shiftless smooth operator? Let me go further. Did he charm you, disarm you, and his words sunk deep into your heart so strong that he almost broke your will? Oh, you were the perfect lady, but you found yourself calling him at all hours, sending him steamy emails and suggestive poses of you in photos? Yep. This smooth operator was playing you. But you came to your senses and told him off. Then later married him. But that story is better saved for another time.

Can you spot a shiftless smooth operator? Do not count on him wearing a sticky name tag that reads: "Hello. My name is Joey. I am a shiftless smooth operator" or handing you a regular size business card with this same information printed on each side. No. It is up to you, girls, to watch out for yourself. Be wise. Be aware. The shiftless smooth operator are out there in bars, supermarkets, and places where you feel the safest. Just to make you his next conquest.

The sure signs of a shiftless smooth operator are. . .

This male smooth operator has just achieved another meaningless sexual conquest
This male smooth operator has just achieved another meaningless sexual conquest | Source
William Powell in  1931 film Ladies Man
William Powell in 1931 film Ladies Man | Source
A smooth operator always knows  how to dress sexy
A smooth operator always knows how to dress sexy | Source
Jerry Lewis starred in and directed a film named "The Ladies Man"
Jerry Lewis starred in and directed a film named "The Ladies Man" | Source
With lots of girls catering to his every whim, a smooth operator in one way, has it made
With lots of girls catering to his every whim, a smooth operator in one way, has it made | Source
With phone in hand  the smooth operator  always has another girl  on the line
With phone in hand the smooth operator always has another girl on the line | Source
This smooth operator is always surrounded by beautiful girls
This smooth operator is always surrounded by beautiful girls | Source

The mark of a Master Smooth Operator

is really very simple. Sure it's saying just the right words and phrases, dressing "to the nines," and keeping the girl of choice interested, but I would have to say that a smooth operator, shiftless or otherwise, when he first realizes that he is at the top of his game is when

he can date four different girls in four different locations all in the same night and never get caught.

Sincerely, Kenneth

Double talks: everything you ask. "Are you employed?" you ask. "Now, uhhh, errr, (cough), I, uhh, yeah. I am involved with a good gig where I, uhhh, work from home and uhhh, this is going to be a network thing to give me a bigger, better job soon." Yeah. Truth is he is jobless and slobs around his apartment and his mom sneaks him some bucks each month to pay his rent.

Compliments: everything you do, say, and wear. "Does this skirt make me look fat?" you ask. His mouth flies open. He doesn't speak for a minute. "You kidding me? You look hot in that skirt!" Truth be known is you have had this particular skirt in the back of your closet for over eight years.

Well-dressed: yes, I give this shiftless smooth operator a little credit for presenting a good, clean appearance. He has no choice but to look sharp. Truth is a shabbily-dressed shiftless smooth operator is a lonely shiftless smooth operator.

Telling a lie: is like his second nature and he is gifted in never allowing you to catch him in the biggest of lies. "Hey, now. I thought that "I" was your girl, but last night I saw you with a skank at the movies. What gives?" He looks into your eyes with puppy dog eyes and says, "You, are, uhhh, my girl, but you see, I, uhhh, do volunteer work for the "Underpriviledged Single Girls Ministry" (no such thing) downtown and that was "Misty," a very depressed single girl who has no friends or boyfriends and her sponsor suggested that I take her to the movies to cheer her up. That's it." Yeah. Your shiftless smooth operator is an ongoing thing with skanky "Misty" and has been seeing her for five months straight.

Wandering eye: cannot be hidden from your suspicious eye. You and shiftless smooth operator are sitting in a restaurant waiting to eat and a shapely girl struts by while you are sharing your deep feelings about a certain personal issue and he only replies, "Huh? Oh, did you say something?" You are NOT his main focus. But you paying for the meals for he is so forgetful he always forgets his wallet and you use your car for his is in the shop and you are NOT his only female interest.

Sexual interest: is his only idea of fulfilling the role of a male companion in a committed relationship. You can always tell where his mind is for when you want to just sit and watch the ducks on the lake, his hands are busy elsewhere on your body even in broad open daylight.

Talking: to you is like that of an amateur circus act. He fumbles with ideas, words, phrases while looking upward, from side to side and clearing his throat to get you distracted. "Mike, let's just sit and talk for a few hours," you suggest. "What???? Talk?! Errr, I, uhhh, (squirms in seat), have to go see about my sick aunt. She is in the assisted living center and uhhh, doesn't have anyone but me." The real truth is that "just" talking to you scares the shiftless smooth operator to death.
His boldness: toward asking you for money is amazing. "Hun, I need fifty bucks until Friday," he says without an explanation. "I thought you were employed," you reply. "I am, but I had to give most of my last week's check to my needy uncle "Thad" who hasn't worked in months." Your shiftless smooth operator has no uncle "Thad" or any uncle for that matter. He is using you for an ATM.

He overdoes: the cutest things while he is with you. If you and shiftless smooth operator happen to walk by a pet store and there is a puppy in the window, he all but has a seizure and falls on his knees and screams, "Just look-a here! A wittul, bitty, puppy. Come on, wittul fella. I wuv you!" Sickening isn't it? Guys who love puppies are attractive to some girls, but this guy taken that fact over the top.

Committing: to you for a long-range relationship is always met with smooth excuses. "I would love to see you exclusively, but my allergist told me just last week that if I commit too soon to a cause or person, my "Committal Allergies" sneezing, crying, and hives will act up and you will not want to be seen with me in that condition. Can we table that until later?"

Girls, if you are dating a guy who is doing one or two of these things, you best be extra careful for your entire happiness as a single girl depends on you knowing what type of guy you are dating.

No thanks necessary, girls. Glad to help.

And good night, Portland, Oregon.

Girls, 80's recording sensation, Sade, is singing this song to you

© 2016 Kenneth Avery

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    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 4 months ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      And if he tells you he is a member of SEAL Team Six, you can be sure he's not! Good job, Kenneth. Think any young girls will heed your warnings?

    • DreamerMeg profile image

      DreamerMeg 4 months ago from Northern Ireland

      Just SO smooth, that no one heeds any warnings about them! Funnily enough it made me think of the exact opposite, with the words of that old song, "for she was one of the early birds and I was one of the worms!"

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Kathleen over in Atlanta.

      I pray that 2017 is going well for you right now.

      I loved your comment about a smooth operator boasting that he was

      a member of SEAL Team Six. And as to answer if any young girls

      would have a red flag go up?

      I doubt it. But like the SEALs, I do not give up.

      Happy New Year, Kathleen and write anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      DreamerMeg,

      Happy New Year!

      I cannot get over the line about "she being one of the early birds and I was one of the worms." Classic stuff!

      Thanks for stopping by. Write anytime.

    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 3 months ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      To you and yours as well, Kenneth. Nice to hear from a friendly voice!

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Kathleen,

      Hello again in Atlanta. Hope this day is starting off good for you.

      Thank you, Dear Friend, for your warm wish. And I try to be

      friendly in type and in person. Thank you for the sweet compliment.

      Happy New Year to You and Yours. Write me anytime.

    • profile image

      Faith-Hope-Love 3 months ago

      Every Nationality has members of "Club Shiftless Smooth Operator". I have seen and observed them in action in many Languages and in many countries and towns around the world,. Kenneth you have them nailed and I would reccomend that all Single Girls and Married ones read your Message and so be armed that they may be aware. Good Work Kenneth.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 2 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, Faith-Hope-Love,

      Thank you for that extra information that I found very beneficial to Single and Married girls alike. Good for you!

      And thanks for reading this hub which I did mean for girls to read and prepare themselves for "The Smooth Operators" who are still thriving in our society as if hurting girls was not wrong.

      God help them.

      And more importantly, God help the trusting single and married girls.

      Write me any time.

      Kenneth

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