- Gender and Relationships
How to Stay Together & Stay in Love
The little things are what tend to mean the most
Everyone can have a fairy tale-if you can accept that no fairy tale is perfect.
When you first fall in love-the world is bright; the sky is blue; and your dreams extend past the horizon. That is love in the beginning. Fast Forward to five years later and love is your husband calling for you to bring him a clean towel…again; your son removing his diaper and relieving himself on your just cleaned carpet as the burner on the stove catches fire; while your daughter is laughing as she vigorously shakes the can of powder formula after she had removed the lid. All of this is happening in the matter of a minute- picture this all in your head; and it is as funny as it is true. In life we do not remember days, we remember moments. The moments that I have had being in love are the crazy silly things that keep me laughing, even when they sometimes make me cry.
My husband always leaves his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, and never does the dishes for me. He can be very self-centered and is the most irritating individual when he wakes up in the morning. I hate that he will interrupt me no matter what I am doing to change a diaper, and that he will start a dozen projects and a week later, if I am lucky, has finished one. But in-between the moments that I am deciding where I shall hide his body, he does that one thing that is totally and completely unexpected and he lets me remember why I fell in love with him in the first place and continue to love him to this day.
In the mornings when the main agenda is to get out the door-which with children can sometimes be a major stressful ordeal-it does not seem there is ever an opportunity to slow down and appreciate each other. But when the kids are securely strapped into their seats and the car is already running-he will turn up the radio-take me in his arms and we will dance in the front yard as neighbors rush by to get to work on time. I don’t recall what I did the rest of that day-but that morning of insanity was calmed so quickly with a two minute dance.
If you want to stay together-you have to have moments that help you stay in love. Many women have this idea of prince charming and a fairy tale. But what you don’t read in Cinderella is Prince Charming is a grump until he has coffee and breakfast, and Cinderella spends a fortune on all those glass slippers… Everyone can have a fairy tale-if you can accept that no fairy tale is perfect.
Falling in love is accomplished my many-staying in love is not... Some tips for saying in love are;
1. Don’t set unfair expectations for your partner… They may not be able to fit into your finely chiseled mold; and when they don’t your disappointment can wither from within.
2. Be accepting for what you see as their short comings, or annoying qualities; rest assured you possess unappealing qualities yourself.
3. Take time to continue to know one another. Over time-people change, it would be a shame if ten years later-you didn’t know your husband/wife.
4. Slow down-Enjoy one another. This high paced world never gives you enough time to do all that you need to do-so you can do what you want to do. Spending time with one another typically falls into the want category-which you never seem to get to. Move it into the needs category or you just might end up alone when you finally do have time for the wants.
5. Remember to kiss each other goodnight… Remember to say thank you and bless you as well as your welcome and I’m sorry. When you’re getting a drink from the frig- remember to get two. The simplicity of these basically effortless actions; goes further than you think.
6. Hold each other for at least 5minutes after you make love. I think of making love like a 6th grade formatted paper- Foreplay is the introduction-The Body is Making Love (fill in the contents of your paragraphs yourself :D )-and your Conclusion is the moments afterwards. Without the conclusion…you’re just left hanging there.
7. Be forgiving. People say things they do not mean, people have good as well as bad days and are not as lovely towards others as they should be, people make mistakes. If you want to be happy, and if you want to stay in love, you have to know how to forgive-if you don’t, anger and resentment are comparable to a disease festering within you. Eventually it will destroy you.
8. Pick your complaints-pick your fights. If you are constantly bickering-you are probably not just aggravating your partner-you are probably aggravating yourself… Chill out… If it does not really matter-don’t say it.
9. As much as you need time together-you need time apart. Your partner needs to breathe without you watching. They need to socialize without making sure that you are socializing along beside them. Go out alone every so often-and let them do the same without a guilt trip or 20 questions.
10. Honesty-Trust- Respect… they all go hand in hand. Don’t lie-don’t misuse trust and treat each other just as you expect to be treated.
Being in love isn’t the perfect bliss that we think it is in the beginning-because we also have life throwing us curve balls. Falling in love is accomplished my many-staying in love is not.
-love is the crazy moments in life that are remembered…