How to Stop Clingy Behavior
How to Keep Your Relationship Healthy
"Relationships of all kinds are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost." - Author Unknown
There are a few things that can really ruin a relationship (romantic or otherwise) as quickly as it starts: being clingy, possessive or jealous. The more you cling to the point of obsession, the further away you drive the other person. Each of us has our own path to walk in life, and no one can walk it for us. Nor can we walk another's path for them or walk exactly the same path as another. Even in a romantic relationship, each partner has his or her own wants, likes, dislikes, needs, hobbies and career paths. That is healthy. What isn't healthy is clinging to the point of becoming inauthentic, and losing oneself in another person.
When we allow our partner the space and freedom to freely express his or her true self, we simultaneously grant ourselves that same freedom.
Healthy Relationship Tips
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
So, how do we break the clinging habit? Here are a few tips:
- Be yourself - your authentic self. Get comfortable with spending time alone. Alone doesn't always have to equal lonely. Take time to figure out who you are, what interests you and what makes you come alive. It is unhealthy to spend every waking moment with (or thinking about) another person. You are unique, not a copy of anyone else.
- Value yourself. Often it is those who have a low sense of self trust and self respect who find themselves being overly clingy. Learn to trust yourself, rely on yourself for decisions in your life, and stop leaning on someone else for the "next step". Believe in yourself!
- Not happy with yourself, you look to others for approval. Stop doing this! You give away your personal power and forget how to rely on yourself and your inner knowing. Set goals, accomplish them and be proud of your achievements. Then, besides being naturally a very worthwhile human being, you will have these accomplishments, solid evidence if you will, of your worth. Then, you will have no need of looking to others for approval or validation.
Help Your Relationship Grow
As you work on helping grow a healthy relationship, allow yourself and your partner the freedom to be yourselves. Don't crowd yourself out of the equation by forgetting who you are as an individual person. Don't smother the other person with excessive phone calls, texts, emails or visits, especially at the beginning of a relationship. If you have confidence and faith in yourself, your partner will naturally be attracted to you and you will find yourself in a healthy, forward-looking relationship.