ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to Stop Missing Someone You Love

Updated on October 31, 2019
EvieSparkes profile image

Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.

Missing Someone All of The Time is Exhausting

Are you stuck in the cycle of missing someone? I say cycle because it's rather like being on a merry-go-round that you just can't get off of. You are stuck going around and around and there seems little or no way of escape from your feelings of loss.

When we are missing someone, what we are feeling is a loss of what could have been. Break-ups happen for a reason. Whether you saw it coming or not. One of you was unhappy. Perhaps you were a little unhappy too, only you didn't want to admit it to yourself.

When you are caught up on this particular merry-go-round it's very hard to get off, and the reason it is so hard is because the missing them and thinking of them all of the time has become a habitual. We have programmed our subconscious on a grand scale and whenever we try to force this person from our thoughts they come back with a vengeance.

Apart from what might have been, we are missing the feeling we got when we were with them. So in essence we are not missing them but how they made us feel.


The First Step to Recovery

The very first thing to realise here is that you are worth it. You are worth all of the good things and the good people that will start coming into your life once you release this person from your tight grip. That's what you have. You have gripped them so tight that they can't be prized away. You have become accustomed to this feeling of loss and you are scared to let them go incase they really are the one for you.

You must stop blaming yourself because you are probably doing that. Being cross with yourself is not useful. Release some of the anger at yourself for not seeing it coming, seeing it coming but ignoring it, being jealous when they went out with their friends and showing it, nagging them to fix the lock on the back door.....none of these things will have been the cause of your break-up and even if by some chance your partner is so fickle as to run away at the first sign of trouble, they can't be changed. What has been done has been done. It's gone, in the past and thinking about it is of no benefit to anyone.

Allow Yourself Time to Grieve

It's a loss at the end of the day. You have lost someone you love and you need time to process that and all of the emotions that come with that.

Cry if you need to. It's not a sign of weakness and far better a release for you than anger will ever be.

Re-Program Your Mind to Think Differently

If you have read more of my work, then you might be aware that I believe in creating my own reality. I don't want to scare you off with this woowoo stuff though!

What it really is in this instance, is CBT. We want to alter your state from Missing them to acceptance so that you can move past these negative emotions.

It's easier than you think actually.

Switch-up Technique

Sit quietly by yourself and close your eyes. Get the full on negative emotion and sit with it. This will feel horrible and you might even break down. That's okay because we are going to deal with this. Crying is a gift as I say in my video if you want to take a look.

Let all of the feelings enter your body and feel as bad as possible. Really? Yep!

Okay, now it's time to find another feeling. The feeling of what you want. In my experience it's better to look for the feeling of Feeling okay about being alone or acceptance.

How Can I get The Feeling of Something Else? That Sounds Mental

For me, it's simple but for you it will be a little harder. You CAN do this though. We all have this ability. We can change up our emotional response in an instant.

Give yourself a word or a phrase. Perhaps acceptance. Say it out loud if that helps. Now sit and get the feeling of acceptance. I do understand that this can all sound a bit like witchcraft and you might want to click away and read something more boring instead, but bear with me please. I have done this. I do it all of the time and it works!

A feeling is not just a feeling. It's everything when it becomes a habit. Do this a few times a day. Every time the 'missing' feeling comes back, hit it with the 'acceptance' or the 'feel good' feeling. Sometimes it will be easier to find than others, but over time you'll be able to do it at the drop of a hat and you'll start to feel pretty powerful. You can use this technique for anything in life too!

Practice Makes Perfect

We've all heard the saying. Normally from our parents when they were making us do something we struggled to do. This is true in all aspects of life. If you really want something it might take a little effort.

Don't give up on getting the positive feelings you deserve. You might have to take a bit of an emotional bashing whilst you work on this technique but pretty soon you will notice a shift in your perspective. You will notice that things don't seem so bad after-all and you will start to think about other people and maybe other relationships.


Evie Sparkes on YouTube

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • EvieSparkes profile imageAUTHOR

      Evie Sparkes 

      8 months ago

      Hi Boluwatife,

      Try to get the feeling of being over him and not caring. You won't believe the feeling at first, but practise makes perfect. You could check out my video on the subject here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCEfhNJdz_0&t=...

    • profile image

      Boluwatife Atunbi 

      8 months ago

      How can I get over my boyfriend that ignore me every time

    • EvieSparkes profile imageAUTHOR

      Evie Sparkes 

      12 months ago

      Thanks Billy. It always works for me.

    • Dr Billy Kidd profile image

      Dr Billy Kidd 

      12 months ago from Sydney, Australia

      Very interesting approach to negative emotions!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)