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How to Surprise a Friend You Haven't Seen in a Long Time

Updated on June 8, 2013

Drive up in a BMW

Few automobiles communicate surprise as well as BMW brands. A 3-series, 5-series, or even a Mini Cooper will absolutely stupefy any person who is truly your friend. We love the look on our friends collective and individual faces when we pull up in a 325xi 4-door sedan with premium sound system and extended warranty.

Shop online for stupendous bargains and last-minute buying opportunities. If you have a friend that needs to be surprised in a big hurry, eBay is the place to begin. All you need os a free account and an Internet connection. A computer and a driver's license will also be helpful, but not absolutely necessary.

Look for one-owner automobiles complete with extended warranties and paint sealant options. BMW drivers typically take very good care of their vehicles unless they have been racing them or smuggling drugs across the border. Always ask for the CarFAX report.

This could be your surprised friend. We're here to help.
This could be your surprised friend. We're here to help. | Source

Get a new face

Your friend can't help but be surprised if they don't recognize you. A face-full of makeup makes the process absurdly easy.

All you need to do it dab on a good base of 'foundation' chemicals, followed by concealer, blush, eyeshadow, eyelash extenders, eyebrow enhancers, lip gloss, pore shrinkers, and shimmering powders. A true friend will love you for it.

To go that extra step, consider a latex mask that makes you look like Nic Cage or the Wookie from Star Wars. It's a great way to surprise that old friend who has not had a good look at you in a long time. They probably don't remember what you look like anyway: this is an opportunity for you to start anew with a fresh look.

Join the NBA

Your oldest friends probably remember you as someone who was extremely unlikely to play professional basketball. Your surprise will be complete when you show up for that long-awaited reunion carrying your new NBA contract.

A retinue of personal assistants (a posse) as well as a handful of endorsement deals should also be considered. To complete the surprise, be sure to be driving a shiny new BMW, but we already covered that issue.

A college degree is not necessary. Virtually no education is required to play in "The Association.", as has been proven time and again. You may wish to attend community college for a year or even play one or two seasons in Europe before finalizing your friendly surprise.

Give them a thoughtful watch

Nothing says 'surprise' as much as a gifted wristwatch. Fortunately, eBay provides an online cornucopia of fashionable styles from which to choose. Your surprised friend will thank you and will probably never again ask you what time it is.

We heartily recommend a watch that does other things beside present the current time. Modern chronological technology provides so much more. Look for a timepiece that includes heart rate: friends love that kind of stuff. It's always a treat to glance down at your wrist to learn beats per minute along with hours, minutes, and seconds.

A modern watch should also interface with other devices such as iPods and BMWs. Never give a gift that can't talk to the refrigerator or query the state of the microwave oven. It all fits on a wrist and it all adds up to a wonderful surprise for your old friends.

Give them something from Rachel Ray

No one is unsurprised that Rachel Ray continues to appear on television. Her regularly scheduled cooking/talk exposé amazes and informs us via network broadcasts. As if that weren't enough, Ms. Ray's name appears on various cornucopias of food-related accoutrement available for sale and for surprising friends.

Look for extensive collections of pots and pans guaranteed to slam a look of surprise onto any available friends. Your buds will insist on cooking meals for you: that's almost always a good thing.

Even a simple spoon or soup strainer adorned with the Rachel Ray brand will resolutely generate an aura of surprise. We absolutely adore matching salt and pepper shakers regardless of occasion. Everyone needs spices in their life.

Imagine their surprise when fireworks shoot out of your hand.
Imagine their surprise when fireworks shoot out of your hand. | Source


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    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 2 years ago from Ohio, USA

      2 years old. 3 comments and 2 are me. Sigh.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 3 years ago from Ohio, USA

      I forgot all about this. It's still funny. Certainly the mainstream media has conspired with the neocons and the local YMCA to keep people from reading my work.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 4 years ago from Ohio, USA

      drbj: You can get a new watch here:

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Your suggestions are spectacular, nicomp, but I feel incredibly deprived. I do not drive a BMW and my watch recently broke up its relationship with my refrigerator.