- Gender and Relationships
How to Handle My Cheating Boyfriend
Love's Labour's Lost?
Well not always, but definitely at times.
The other day my friend Mona came to me. She was looking upset. At first she was not willing to tell what has happened but on coaxing her further she gave out that just few days back she came to realize that her boyfriend of ten long years is cheating on her with his office colleague. The news is such a big shock to her that she is unable to bring herself to terms with this situation. She is so baffled at the sudden turn of events that she doesn't know what to do next.
Let me tell you another incident of my cousin sister. Few years back when she was a teenage girl of just sixteen years, she loved a boy whom her parents did not approve of. They had a feeling that this particular boy is not right for her but she was so adamant that she left her parents and started living with him. Even one month was not over and the guy dumped her for another chick! By the time she returned to her parents she became a patient of manic depression and tried committing suicide not once but twice. Soon she had to be given psychiatric treatment.
Not only these two poor girls but I know that there are many among us who have gone through this phase and who can very well identify themselves in their shoes but there are hardly few among them who had tackled this kind of situation deftly. Handling such sensitive situations require a lot of perseverance and intelligence that we fail to apply at that point of time. But with a little bit of common sense and effort we can actually cope up with this "catastrophic situation" in our life.
Why do men cheat in the first place?
Men cheat because they are men. Well this is the bitter truth. Now men please don't get angry at me. Let me explain further logically and systematically:
- Biologically men are polygamous in nature. Technically the ability to procreate more than one offspring at a time made them polygamous like the bottlenose dolphins, lions, walruses and the African blue headed lizards; all these animals are notorious swingers in the animal kingdom. So girls you see you cannot help, "it" is in his genes!
- There was a tradition of men having many wives in the past. In the East keeping a harem of wives was a matter of pride and fashion even in the beginning of the previous century. Our history pages are full such insightful information. So you see, men are bound by their tradition!
- Earlier men used to be hunters. The spirit of hunting is in their blood. But now due to lack of vegetation and limitations on hunting facilities issued by various nations men have turned their attention on hunting women. It gives them the same thrill, the same excitement that they got from their spoils after a successful hunting expedition. So girls blame your nations first!
- Last but not the least researches have proven that almost all men put the blame of their cheating habit on their women! According to that research men tends to think a nagging girlfriend is similar to a mosquito. Men do not want to be with them anymore rather they want to sway them away. Moreover boring women tend to talk a lot (read gibber instead of talk) which can turn off their men so they start to wander here and there for further excitement that their women are incapable of providing them. Finally, girls start blaming yourselves for his infidelity!
What will I do if my boyfriend cheats on me?
- Try to win him back.
Do you think this is possible? If this was the case then he would not have gone to another woman. Simply accept the fact that he is not attracted to you any more.
- Try to blackmail him into staying in the relationship
Even this is not possible. By telling him that you will die if he leaves you, you are simply humiliating yourself further. Moreover you are making him feel that you are worthless. Even if he stays with you any further, he will regard this as his act of benevolence towards you. So, stop wailing and whimpering in front of him.
- Try to defame the other woman
What has she done? Your man is not a baby. Nobody can snatch him away. He has gone to her at his own will. When he has been unfaithful to you, it is possible that one day he will dump that girl for another one.
- Try to groom yourself to impress him
Does that really matter now? Whom are you going to impress? The person who is getting laid elsewhere! Stop making a fool of yourself. Even if you start looking like Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox his habits won't change because soon he will be tired of getting laid with the same woman time and again.
- Try tit for tat
Then what will be the difference between you and him? This can give you a momentary emotional relief but in the long run you will start feeling guilty yourself which can create an adverse effect on your mental and physical health.
- Forget and forgive
At no cost. Being unfaithful is like breaching a contract, a contract that was build on trust, respect and love. When lust wins over love it gives the signal that no matter what it takes time has come to end this relationship without disgracing yourself further. Accept the fact that the relationship is over and move out of this relationship as soon as possible.
How will I walk out on him?
First and foremost stop blaming yourself for what has happened. It can happen anytime to anybody. It is not the time to shed tears, rather it is the time to act rationally. Muster up the courage and determination to walk out of this bad relationship. Leave him for your own good. I know this will hurt you like anything. It is not easy to break all the ties at one snap and walk out, but you have to do it. Leave him before he leaves you.
Are you again thinking of giving this relationship a second chance? Well at your own risk. I will definitely not advise it. When the trust breaks once it is very difficult to build up that trust again. Even if he doesn't cheat on you further, your tendency to suspect him on trivial issues will definitely deteriorate the relationship.
Bid adieu to him. Start a new life. At first it might appear that the entire sky has fallen on your head but slowly things will change. Leave it on time, because time is the best healer. Atleast do not sit idle and think of the time spent with him. Spend time with your family members, mostly kids and grandparents. You are bound to feel good. Start socializing with friends. Start a new hobby or go out on a vacation, do something to engage yourself. Try avoid those friends and family members who love to gossip about your past. Also avoid plunging into another relationship very quickly. Give yourself some time to heal up. Slowly you will see that you have regained your control over life, you have regained your self confidence and the ability to differentiate good from bad.
What will you do if you find that your boyfriend/ husband has cheated on you?
Every cloud has a silver lining
You think this failed relationship is enough to damage your reputation? It has left you distraught? I will say no it hasn't.
- This relationship has definitely matured you to a great extent. Now before committing in any future relationship you will definitely try to judge the other person. Now you know the difference between a fake and a genuine person.
- This failed relationship has made you strong person. It has shown that you have the power to fight back and face the world no matter what it takes.
- This bad relationship has taught you a lesson in life and now you know to prioritize your needs from life.
- This cursed relationship which is hurting you so much now, will make you laugh at your stupidity sometimes later.
After every dark night, a bright morning awaits to welcome you. You see that in life there is nothing called dead end. So keep moving on girls.
Check out the following link
If you want to become a better life partner you can get some useful tips from the below link
- How to Become a Better Life Partner
The key to a blissful marriage lies in the hands of the couple. Either it becomes a successful balancing act or it turns out to be a primrose way to the everlasting bonefire.
© 2014 Deblina Banerjee