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How to Tell if You and Your Partner are Ready to Start a Family

Updated on June 8, 2013

Are You Ready to Start a Family?

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What do you think is the most important factor to start a family?

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Deciding To Start A Family

Most committed relationships will discern starting a family at some point in their relationship. In the discernment phase, either both partners agree they do not want to start a family ever, or one partner does and the other does not, or both agree they do want to start a family.

It is important to start a family only when both committed partners agree. Starting a family when one or both are not ready can lead to stress within the relationship, overall family dysfunction and even divorce.

How do you and your partner know when it is the right time to start a family when you both agree this is what you want to do? Grab a pen and paper, and write down these questions, and answer them separately. When you have uninterrupted time, sit down together and go over your answers.

Start A Family Questions

This is a sentence completion exercise; write down your first thought.

  • List five anticipated stresses with a baby in your life and brainstorm strategies and solutions.
  • I think that becoming a mother/father will make me feel more:
  • I think becoming a father/mother will make my partner feel more:
  • Becoming parents will change our relationship, and I imagine my partner will be more_____________________________________ towards me.
  • I think I will be________________________________________ towards my partner.
  • I am most concerned about:
  • I think my partner is most concerned about:
  • I am most excited about:
  • I think my partner is most excited about:

Are You Financially Ready To Have A Child?

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Money Questions To Ask Before Starting A Family

  • Do we have a stable financial income?
  • Will we be able to financially afford a child?
  • Will we have health insurance for the child?
  • What luxury am I willing to give up to start a family?
  • How will we handle work and childcare responsibilities?
  • I’m envisioning childcare will be shared in this way:
  • I think my partner envisions sharing childcare in this way:

Let the Adventure Begin!  Theme Nights for Families with Young Children: Fun & Easy Family Night Activities
Let the Adventure Begin! Theme Nights for Families with Young Children: Fun & Easy Family Night Activities

This book offers fun activity ideas for the family to do together to increase your time together.

 

Lifestyle Questions to Ask Before Starting A family?

  • Do I have any addiction problems with drugs or alcohol?
  • Does my partner have any addiction problems with drugs or alcohol?
  • Am I physically and emotionally healthy to start a family?
  • Do I believe my partner is physically and emotionally healthy to start a family?
  • Are we starting a family to repair a failing marriage?
  • When I start a family I feel what I will miss the most is:
  • When we start a family I think my partner will miss the most is:
  • I hope I am able to continue to:
  • I hope my partner is able to continue to:
  • What are 3 things you can do without words to show your partner you are grateful for them?
  • When we have time for a date, or moments without the baby I hope we can (list 3 activities):
  • When I get alone time for myself I would want to do (list 3 activities that give you joy):
  • When my partner has alone time I hope he/she can do (list 3 activities):


Are You Ready for Pregnancy?

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Partner Questions To Ask Before Starting A Family

  • Am I committed to my partner and our growing family?
  • Do I believe my partner is committed to me and our growing family?
  • I believe our relationship is healthy and strong because:
  • My partner would say our relationship is healthy and strong because:
  • When my partner and I fight I hope we can change the way we:
  • If we are unable to conceive a child I would be open to; infertile insemination, sergancy or adoption.
  • If we are unable to conceive a child I believe my partner would be open to; infertile insemination, sergancy or adoption.


The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

This book is recommended because it offers helpful tips to strengthen all your relationships, especially your marriage.

 

Extended Family Questions to Ask Before Starting A family?

  • When my parents become grandparents, I expect them to be:
  • When my partners parents become grandparents I expect they will be:
  • When we become parents my relationship with my parents will:
  • When we become parents, I think my partner’s relationship with their parents will:
  • List some ways in which your parents raised you that you are now grateful for and would like to offer to your new growing family.
  • List some things you’ll do differently from your parents.

What Religion Will You Raise Your Family In?

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Spiritual or Religion Questions to Ask Before Starting A Family

  • I would like to raise my family in this faith:
  • I believe my partner would like to raise our family in this faith:
  • It is important for me to celebrate these holidays:
  • I believe it is important for my partner to celebrate these holidays:

The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten
The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten

Discipline is an important part of parenting. This book is highly recommended to guide parents on how to discipline their children through all developmental stages with compassion and guidance.

 

Discipline Questions to Ask Before Starting A Family

  • I envision I would discipline our children in this way:
  • I envision my partner would discipline our children in this way:
  • My belief on spanking is:
  • I believe my partner's belief on spanking is:


© Copyright Carly Sullens 2013. All Rights Reserved.

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    • janetwrites profile image

      Janet Giessl 4 years ago from Georgia country

      Very interesting! My husband and I have never written down such questions but had some of the questions you listed in your hub in our mind when we decided to start a family. It's definitely important to think about those questions when you want to start a family.

    • CarlySullens profile image
      Author

      CarlySullens 4 years ago from St. Louis, Missouri

      It is important to consider at least some of these questions. At least, when answering these questions, a dialogue begins to know what page you are both on. Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting. :)

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      this is very interesting way to look at marriage.. and starting a family..

      Yes you need to be committed to each other and communication is a must..

      You must want this.. very important.. financial is very important and I believe having a good moral christian background to raise a family is important.. but that's me.. lol

      blessings to you for writing this is is wonderful

      Debbie

    • kansasyarn profile image

      Teresa Sanderson 4 years ago from Rural Midwest

      Enjoyed this thoughtful article. Starting a family is a life changing decision. As much as possible at least some of the questions should be considered before entering this phase of life. Voted up and useful!

    • NornsMercy profile image

      Chace 4 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      I was just thinking about this the other day. I kinda already knew we're not ready, but this hub is filled with great information to help if the idea comes up again. :)

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 3 years ago

      I agree with your advice on taking time to address these issues prior to starting a family. All important tips to remember and useful in making sure you are prepared.

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