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5 Reasons a Guy Might Not Be Interested in You

Updated on January 10, 2020
Santi Salinas profile image

Santiago Salinas is a student at The College of New Jersey pursuing a degree in Public Health, Psychology and Social Justice.

Being Stood Up

Not too long ago, I was supposed to meet a man I met a week ago. It was not a date, but he had offered to treat me to a coffee at the local Dunkin Donuts. We had planned to meet at around 1:00 pm. I arrived about five minutes late and discovered he was not there. I figured he was running late too so I decided to wait for him. About an hour later, still he had not shown up. I texted him asking if he had forgotten about our plans. Another ten minutes had passed and I was still sitting alone sipping on a small ice coffee waiting for a man who clearly was not showing up if he had not texted back saying he had to cancel. As I walked home embarrassed, I came to terms with what had happened, I was stood up by a man who was clearly not interested in me.

Getting stood up is like being stabbed. It hurts in the moment when it happens and when it heals, there will always be a scar there to remind you that there is someone out in the world who did not give you a chance. Many people today think that being stood up is something that only happens in high school when your prom date doesn't knock on your door. After graduating high school, I had the same mentality that people in general would be mature enough to tell you if they were interested in you enough. After being stood up by a man I couldn't help but wonder, are men secretly not interested you but are too afraid to say anything?

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The Signs

When we are dating, we both consciously and unconsciously give some of those interested in us signs that we are not interested in them. Some will pick up on it while others won't. If you are on the receiving end of these signs, you should identify them as soon as possible to ensure you won't be blind sided when he doesn't call you back.

His texting habits change- My friend Kelly met a guy on Tinder and they would text constantly. After their first date, the constant texting turned into a text every once in a while. He would always say that he was busy with school work or at his job where he could not text her back. However, this didn't line up with his habits before their date. On a Thursday afternoon before the date, he would send her three messages at a time talking when they were having an interesting conversation. On a Thursday afternoon after the date, he would take about an hour or two to respond. Usually when guys change their texting habits, it is usually a sign that they are losing interest in you. If you notice the conversations you used to have in the past compared to how you're having them now, that can indicate how he truly feels about you.

He's bored when talking to you- When you're in the middle of a conversation, you would normally pay attention to what the other person is saying. However, that is not always the case. If the guy you're seeing seems to be finding ways to distract himself or change the topic of discussion, HE'S NOT LISTENING. It doesn't matter if you're talking about your day at work, about an argument you and your mother had, or asking his opinion on a movie you just saw. He may act interested, but he can't hide the face that he makes. If he looks bored, isn't making eye contact, starts nodding at random moments, or raises his eyebrows to what he thinks are important details to your discussion, chances are he has no idea what you're taking about and he won't bother to ask.

He invites other people to your dates- After the first date, you're really excited to get a call or text from a guy asking if you're available on a Friday night. However, you didn't expect him to bring his friend Kevin with him. When he brings a friend with him on a date, he can't have fun if it's just the two of you. The friend usually acts as the fall back for him to be able to enjoy himself. It's his way of saying to you that he can't have fun with you on your dates and would prefer to bring his friends with him. If you end up being the third wheel on a date, seriously reconsider seeing this guy again.

You are always the one texting him first- If you're blowing up his phone right now, please stop. I have had experiences with men when it came to texting. I was interested in a man back in September who had really bad texting habits. I would always be the one texting him first and waiting hours, sometimes a day, for a response. Eventually I got the notion that this guy wasn't into me and I stopped texting him all together. Texting someone is usually an indication that you're thinking of the person you are texting. If he doesn't reach out to you at least once a week, you're not on his mind.

His excuses don't make sense- We've all had that one excuse that got us out of doing something we don't want to do. Some of these things include dates. When you ask a guy to go with you somewhere, but he says he has work, you don't think about it much. However, when you see he's active on Instagram, it starts to make you wonder. Usually when he makes up an excuse as to why he doesn't want to go on another date with you it can be a sign that something isn't right. Social media is usually the best spot to call him out on his BS. If he says he's at work and a snap goes up saying "Saturday is for the boys!" he's at a different kind of overtime.

Should you be devastated if a guy isn't interested in you? Absolutely not! If someone isn't interested in you, I can guarantee that there is someone who is interested in you out there. It's all part of the dating process. Let's be honest with ourselves, we would probably do the same with someone we weren't interested in. But it's important to remember that the real world isn't high school. It's time for us to be adults and just be honest with the person and gently explain to them that we don't see ourselves being anything more than friends.

© 2020 Santiago Salinas

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    • hallucinogen profile image

      Lucy 

      13 months ago from Leeds, UK

      I agree with dashingscorpio; nearly anyone who has dealt with unrequited love looks back and regrets pouring so much effort into someone who clearly had other priorities.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      13 months ago from Chicago

      "Should you be devastated if a guy isn't interested in you? Absolutely not!" - Very true!

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

      I look at today's youth and see how devastated they are over being rejected, ghosted, or not getting a text reply in a timely matter. Dating and courtship has ALWAYS been this way!

      Back in the disco/nightclub days women would give guys a fake phone number! Oftentimes "one night stands" were "one sided". Someone may have actually thought they'd go out again.

      Today we have numerous online dating apps/sites and it's safe to assume if you meet someone on one of these you are not the ONLY person he/she is engaged with. You may slide up or down the ranking at any moment based upon who comes along.

      Whenever "someone better" comes along people dismiss others.

      The less time you've known each other the less of an obligation one likely to feels for letting you know they've decided to move on.

      In fact if you've never met in person you're seen as nothing more than words/text messages, emojis, & images on their phone screen. I wouldn't wait beyond 15 minutes for anyone.

      The onus is on the person who is running late to reach out!

      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

      If you're unhappy in a relationship you're probably with the "wrong person". It doesn't mean something is wrong them it just means they are no the "right person" for you.

      When it comes to love/relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Very few people hit a homerun their first, second, third, or fourth time up at bat. If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      Heartaches, disappointments, and betrayal help us to refine our mate selection/screening process and "must haves lists".

      When we change our circumstances change.

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