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Women Helping Women Who Are Promiscuous and Naïve
If she is a virgin, like a wall, we will protect her with a silver tower.
But if she is promiscuous, like a swinging door, we will block her door with a cedar bar.— Song of Solomon 8:9 NLT
It is appropriate for a woman or a trustworthy couple (not a single man) to help another woman understand and improve her moral conduct. So this article is primarily about women helping women understand the concept of true (positive) womanhood.
We see promiscuous women everywhere—women who don’t seem to have a clue about the consequence of their immoral act. Sometimes they seem intentionally irresponsible.
Five middle-aged mothers, though not cited as promiscuous women, appeared on an Oprah Winfrey Show (2009) as victims of their own naivety. They had all succumbed to the winsome charm of the same man who had not married any of them, but had infected some of them with the HIV virus.
Those of us outside these situations are tempted to ask in disgust, “When will they ever learn?” We find it easy to judge and condemn them. We should be more concerned with understanding them, in an effort to help them improve their lives, and uplift the standards of true womanhood.
Helpful Book on Promiscuity--also on Kindle
Why Women are Promiscuous
Promiscuity Differs by Gender is the title of a WebMD article which states men and women differ in their reasons for promiscuity.
- While promiscuous men focus on large numbers of partners, promiscuous women prefer quality to quantity.
- Women look for facial features that are distinctly masculine.
- Social positions matter to them.
- They desire more of a relationship with their partners than promiscuous men do.
The women's reasons for cheating include their needs for emotional fulfillment, increase in self-esteem and romance (2012 Adultery Survey). Their deep-seated social needs manifest themselves in:
- Their search for the affirmation and attachment they lost when their fathers left by death or divorce.
- Frequent changing of partners as a way to retaliate for some kind of abuse dealt to them by a male figure.
- Their belief that temporary, meaningless one-night stands are the only opportunities for physical closeness that life will ever offer them.
What these women need are defenders, not trial lawyers and judges. The following four steps will help us achieve an empowering sisterhood.
Think About It
Do you know a promiscuous woman who may benefit from your friendship?
(1) Accept Her
Personal reflection on the following questions can prepare us to help the promiscuous woman.
- Can I love her simply because she is a woman whom God made?
- Do I think that she deserves the same access that I have to the love and grace of our Heavenly Father?
- Am I unconcerned about what my relationship with her will do to my reputation?
An honest “Yes” to all these questions is a good start.
Whenever we find it difficult to love someone, it is because selfishness and prejudice tell us that the person does not deserve our love. When we learn to love the allegedly undeserving woman, we open our minds to see her as God sees her—a child of His, a woman designed for a special purpose, a sister worthy of our embrace.
If the promiscuous woman pretends to reject our love at first, it only means that we have not yet earned her trust.
(2) Help Her Build Self-Confidence
Every woman has strengths. There must be a way to boost the promiscuous woman’s self-worth and make her feel like a valuable part of our sisterhood. Let’s talk with her, walk with her, solicit her help and offer our help to learn whatever we can about her.
As we begin to learn who she really is, and what her talents are, we will provide opportunities for her to contribute in the area(s) where she is gifted. We will showcase her assets that are strong (like a wall).
- Compliment her shape and suggest appropriate fashion styles for her body type.
- Compliment her voice and assign her something beautiful to read or sing.
- Compliment her memory of Bible verses and teach her how to make personal applications.
We will recognize her personal growth and ours, resulting from our sister acts together.
Meanwhile, we will overlook most of her mistakes with a smiling, “Remind me to tell you something about that, later.” We will practice patience and tolerance and work on creating an atmosphere which will facilitate her asking questions.
(3) Share Struggles and Victories
Stories are a great teaching tool. It would be helpful for the rest of us to share about the battles we fought and the temptations we overcame.
Ask her permission to help her deal with the repercussions of her past. We should be careful to guard against any suggestion that we are better or stronger than she is, or that she detoured farther than we did.
A promiscuous woman is like a door, swinging out, allowing one man to make his exit, and immediately swinging in again when she finds somebody new. We want to repair that door to an appropriate open-shut action, and will install scented panels of love, compassion, and understanding.
We will ask questions rather than make prejudiced statements. For example, “Do you know what made you give in?” will be friendlier than, “You should never give in.” Her answer will give her an opportunity to express her regret and allow us to lead her toward repentance and forgiveness--forgiveness from God and from us, meaning that we will not dangle her mistakes over her head in the future.
The counsel to confess our faults is followed immediately by the counsel to pray for one another that we might be healed and restored. (James 5:16). It leaves no space for gossip or consultations for second and third opinions. We will only share her problem if necessary, with her permission, in our effort to get help which we are incapable of providing.
(4) Walk with Her
We all want to be strong for the promiscuous woman, but we do not want to give the impression that our strength is above her reach. We want her to know that we are striving together as we walk together.
- We will support and encourage each other in two-way communications--talking and listening.
- We will establish a system of accountability which allows us to question one another about how and why we do what we do: what we read, what media programs we follow, what happens in our premarital relationships, what boundaries we set, and how we stay focused on our purpose.
- We will treat her like a sister, embracing her selflessly and loving her unconditionally.
- We will help her create a vision of the joyful, satisfied, responsible women she can become.
- We will commit to walking beside her as she continues her journey to healthy womanhood.
Our continual, committed friendship will help to provide the emotional and social satisfaction she craves from her promiscuous interaction with the men. She will learn that physical satisfaction is an anticipated pleasure which is worth the wait. Meanwhile she will come to realize that she is much more than just body.
© 2012 Dora Isaac Weithers