What to do When Your Prince of a Husband Appears to have Turned into a Beast
Start by Looking Deep Within Yourself
"Love suffers long and is kind." ---1 Corinthians 13:4
Do Not Stay In Such a Relationship as This One ~ Another Hub by Faith Reaper
- When all You Hear Is You Are not Worth Anything ~ A Poem
A poem describing the pain of verbal and physical abuse.
Yes, Start by Looking at Yourself
You read it right ladies ... please dismiss the desire to stone me here! In reality, we cannot change our man, nor any person for that matter, but we certainly can change ourselves.
As a disclaimer here, I would like to make it perfectly clear, I am not suggesting in any way, shape or form, that any woman stay in an abusive (verbal or physical) relationship! Never, please get out and seek help.
I am reminded of the story of "The Beauty and the Beast" and, yes, the Beast was so outwardly ugly, but maybe he was waiting for somebody to care about him, his true self, the man under the outwardly beast facade. Maybe he was waiting for somebody who saw the good in him, or somebody who valued him, honored him, treasured him, believed in him and, most importantly, respected him. We all need this, do we not? Men especially do in the respect department, for they need to hear it and see it in action. Women need to be cherished and loved.
Remember this beast of a husband, is the same man you married, when, surely, he was never such a beast then, for you would have not married the man. So, what turned the man of your dreams into such beast?
Now, if you knew going into the relationship, he was a beast, then there are other issues at hand here, sadly.
Let us delve deeper into this thought of looking deep within ourselves.
Has Your Prince Been Replaced by a Beast of Sorts?
According to Proverbs 14:1:
"Every wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands."
Compassionate and Humble
In 1 Peter 3:8-11, in pertinent part states:
" ...be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10 For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. 11 They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it."
Now ... Turning Our Focus back on Ourselves
I will be the first to admit that I had to take a good long look at myself, and the Lord revealed to me about my role as a Godly wife to my husband. Prayerfully ask the Lord to allow you to see your husband with new eyes. Maybe you will then be able to see and appreciate the wonderful traits your husband already exhibits. In order for this to happen, sometimes we must refocus our thoughts to even be able to recognize our husband's attempts to be that prince.
In other words, this process takes intentional thought and effort, especially if we have fallen into a negative pattern of thinking, when it comes to our husband. Each marriage is different and certainly no couple is perfect. It you are struggling in your marriage, take it to God in prayer.
News flash: It may just be that your husband desires deep down to be your all, your hero, your knight in shining armor and, therefore, what he needs most is to be respected by you. Honestly, this can be so very difficult when your husband may not know how to love you unconditionally, or maybe he just does not understand you and so on and so on. It may be that you need to ask yourself the same question of whether or not you know how to love him unconditionally.
In our role as the wife, we have a choice to make and we can either build up our marriage or tear it down. We can shape the marriage just by making changes in ourselves. When we build up our husband daily, it helps to grow and create a marriage that can truly last a lifetime.
Whenever I see a woman in public tearing down her husband, it just makes me cringe. However, there is the other aspect of this, when a woman praises her husband in public, then tears him down in private. Obviously, neither scenario is good in helping to build up your husband!
Most times, it is a matter of our heart condition, which needs to be examined. It may be possible that there are some roots of bitterness that have found their way into our heart to contaminate our relationship with our husband. Sometimes it is our very own resentment that gets in the way of our willingness to forgive our husband, and when that is the case, we are unable to encourage him. It may very well be that your husband holds grudges against you and, if so, ask yourself could there be things you need to change. Do you possibly need to ask forgiveness for something?
Love Suffers Long and Is Kind
"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness ..." --Proverbs 31:26
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." ---1 Thessalonians 5:11
What Can You Do to Affirm to Your Husband that He is Your Prince?
It may have been when you were first married that your husband found you to be an attractive person and appreciated you, then possibly due to many circumstances in your marriage that may have changed. So, what can you do as a wife to possibly change this sad reality?
Ask yourself this question: Are you a wise woman? If so, then you open your mouth with wisdom. One of the most powerful things that you, as a wife can do, is blessing your husband simply by encouraging your husband and letting him know you are happy to be his wife and having a voice of gratitude. At times, it can be so hard to hold our tongues when we want to say something negative. Speaking kindly to him with words of genuine encouragement is so powerful.
It may be that your husband has never had a role model(s) in the areas of being gentle, kind or tender, so it is very difficult for him to be such. If your husband is not considerate, just let him know you need his help without complaining and when he does attempt to help, be thankful and tell him so by expressing your gratitude, even if he does not do things your way.
If your husband if faithful and loyal to you, start to praise him for such, thereby helping him to remain true to his commitments and to God.
Sometimes listening can be a huge problem due to our busy schedules and all that we have to do in a single day. It may be that we are quick to comment, without truly hearing our husband's heart. Even if our comment is positive, we still need to learn to be better listeners.
If your husband helps around the house in some way, whatever that may entail, i.e., taking care of the car, fixing things that are broken, running errands or maybe taking care of you when you are sick, be sure to praise him for his willingness to serve others and that you see this as a great strength.
Just exactly what is meant by "completing" him? When we, as wives, are able to set aside our sharp tongue, just maybe our "beast" may be able to calm his temper, and begin seeing what you and he are really like beyond the surface. When this happens, it leads to something deeper. We can empower our husbands when discussing our opinions and ideas with him in a manner that builds his confidence, thereby adding to his ability to understand his family and work needs.
It is most important to be determined in not constantly having a negative attitude toward your husband---as this shows great disrespect, when speaking evil of him to others. Maybe you can think of nothing to respect about your husband. If this is the case, search harder, for every man has something about his character that can be encouraged and respected.
Another area God intends to be vibrant and a regular expression of love is marital intimacy. We should never settle for a passionless marriage. Negatively destroys intimacy, but, again, encouragement builds and strengthens the marriage bond. We can ask the Lord in prayer to make us healthy and whole in this area and free us from wrong thinking, as well as releasing a great desire in us for our husband.
Remember your husband is accountable to God for his spiritual growth and you are accountable to God to encourage and not to hinder that development.
So ... You Are all That ..."Charm Is Deceptive, and Beauty is Fleeting"
"The imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit." ---1 Peter 3:4
As relates to the scripture quoted above:
Now, of course, this does not mean being a doormat and not using your God-given brain and intelligence, but quite the opposite. Why would any man want a doormat? This just means speaking the truth in love, not being so critical of your husband's every effort and taming that sharp tongue to build your husband up and focusing on the positive rather than pointing out the negative to him and the world.
How do you appear to your husband?
Does your inner beauty shine through in the way you conduct yourself and respond to others?
Store-Bought Beauty Verses Inner Beauty
Obviously, there is nothing wrong at all with being attractive physically and trying to stay healthy by eating right, exercising and the like. However, it is important that we understand we do not define ourselves by our outer beauty i.e., the clothes or jewelry we wear. Of course, the sum total of who we are is much more.
Now, on the other hand, there is the issue of when we may dress nice in an attempt to impress our boss at work (professional work attire is appropriate), or even our friends. Sometimes we may dress "Couture" for others, and then once in the presence of our husbands, put on our bargain basement tattered housecoat. Okay, now I am not saying that we should attempt to look gorgeous all of the time for our husbands and feel uncomfortable in our own homes. However, most husbands do appreciate their wives when they try to look attractive just for them, every now and then. Yes, we have a lot on our plates, with taking care of the children, the household and the like, and for those who work outside the home, there is even added pressure in all of these areas.
Having said that, however, our true beauty is not bought at the department store, requiring several trips, or going to the hairstylist and nail salon. Again, there is nothing wrong with being attractive, when our outward person, who everyone sees, is backed up by our internal character. This is who we are at the core of our being. We should take care in making sure our internal beauty takes precedence over our external beauty.
Ask yourself these questions:
Are you trying to be as attractive on the inside as you are on the outside?
How can I become beautiful on the inside?
When a woman wants to please God and become truly alluring to her husband, she must be a woman who is passionate about seeking God and being in His presence, thereby being transformed into a true beauty as is seen through God's eyes.
When this happens, it is a beautiful thing to behold, and your husband will notice such transformation, for you will begin to look at him through God's eyes and see those qualities that were maybe once hidden. You are able to finally give your husband the respect he deserves. This is a win-win for all concerned; you, your husband and your family.
He Is Not so Bad, Is He?
"The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." ---Proverb 31: 11-12
Building Up Your Husband
- Pray daily.
- Speak truth.
- Love always.
- Honor him.
- Choose peace.
- Model Godly behavior.
Lumping all Men Together
Again, as I initially stated, if one is in an abusive (verbal or physical) marriage or relationship, please seek help, guidance and counseling and protection above all else, and get out, if necessary!
It is possible that men may view our venting as complaining. Sure, we may have very good reasons to complain about a lot of things, especially when we get frustrated with our husbands for maybe not doing something we had asked to take care of repeatedly to no avail or even worse things.
When we go around saying and telling the world that men can do nothing right (male bashing), then we are also saying that our husband and our son(s), who are part of that group of men, can do nothing right. Wow, in thinking on this, I was truly convicted. I saw the following quote on-line somewhere and it really convicted me:
"Do not talk bad about your husband to anyone. Ever."
Sure, we all get frustrated with our husbands, but it is ultimately our choice how we deal with that frustration.
We should want our husbands to feel like the most important person in our lives, after God. Our husbands should know we have their back. We really should have a desire to build up our husbands so that they are the man God created them to be in this lifetime.
He Really Is a Prince After All!
Remember: You Chose Him
"Behold you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful." (Song of Songs 1:16)
Beast with Rose
"I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me." ---Song of Songs 7:10
Your Prince Was There the Whole Time
The Beast is portrayed to be really aggressive and unsightly; someone with whom you should not want to fall in love.
When it comes to relationships, the inside is more important than the physical appearance.
It may very well be that the man we marry does not look handsome, muscular, or wonderful. Maybe he will have frightening scars or startling features. Hopefully, we will marry him because of what we see on the inside of him is good and God honoring. Then we will be just right for each other.
Let us be mindful to plant seeds of faithfulness into our husband's heart by praising his integrity. This is done through our actions and attitudes towards our husband, and then waiting on God's harvest in his heart.
Then there is the beauty of humility. Sometimes we just know we are right and our husbands are wrong, and that is when it takes great humility to honor our husbands by praying to the Lord that we respond in faith and humility before reacting negatively towards our husbands. It is difficult to speak well of our husbands when our own hearts are puffed up with pride. Remember to speak wisely and well, then leave the results to God.
The Power of Our Words
"Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouths, but such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29)
Ask Yourselves These Questions and then Think on Your Answersview quiz statistics
Just for this time of year here in October ...
I have taken liberty here to add this dramatic video (includes art by the artists of deviant art) being it is October, just for added drama as to the "Beast" who can be found in all of us at times. Looks like there are indeed some pretty gruesome beasts here in this video ....or not? You decide.
To all the dear men who may be reading, if you are truly a "beast" and desire to change, then just ask the Lord God to change your heart, for He can and will. Once this heart change happens, your whole life will also change when you place God first. What happens then is all added blessings in every aspect of your life, especially your marriage. God can change the hearts of men!
© Copyright Faith Reaper, October 30, 2013
"I never doubted your beauty ...I've changed."
Do you believe that by looking inwardly at yourself and making changes in yourself, your husband can become the man of your dreams?
"Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4: 32)
Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve
Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve (c. 1695 – 29 December 1755) was a French author born in LaRochelle, France. She is particularly noted for her La Belle et la Bête, which is the oldest known variant of the fairy tale Beauty and the Beast. First published in La jeune américaine, et les contes marins, it is over a hundred pages long, containing many subplots, and involving a genuinely savage Beast, not merely a beastly facade. Her lengthy version was abridged, rewritten, and published by Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont, to produce the version most commonly retold.
Where Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve Was Born
Other Hubbers' Perspective on The Beauty and the Beast
- The Beauty and the Beast within.
We all have good and bad within us. Sometimes bad is good and sometimes good is bad.
- Beauty and the Beast: A Perspective on Beauty
Beauty and the Beast brings us a fairy tale that teaches us about beauty, real beauty. The beauty in others that we see with our heart. What beauty do you see?