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How to Use the Law of Attraction to Find Your Perfect Partner

Updated on September 26, 2016
ChristinS profile image

Christin is a metaphysical author and professional tarot expert with almost 30 years of experience in the field.

It is possible to manifest a great relationship using universal principles.
It is possible to manifest a great relationship using universal principles. | Source

Law of Attraction and Relationships

Many want to know how to use the principles of Law of Attraction to manifest a lasting, meaningful relationship with the right partner. Is it even possible? The simple answer is yes, it is. However, in order to be successful at using the universal laws for this purpose, there are some important points to consider.

  • First, it is not an easy process and there are no “magic answers” in life.
  • Second, attracting the right partner has the prerequisite of a lot of personal soul searching and evaluation.

When people are lonely, the desire for a “magic button” to ease that loneliness is very tempting indeed. We fantasize about “soul mates” and someone who can “complete us” etc. Sometimes, we want that “perfect” relationship so much, we try to make the wrong person fit the right mold. Other times, we get so caught up in the desire to fill a void in our own lives we believe a prince charming can come galloping over the horizon and rescue us from our lack of fulfillment.

None of these are true, yet it doesn't stop people from chasing the elusive or having the wrong idea about what true love and commitment actually are. We live in a society that glorifies romance and fairy tales over substance and longevity. So many marriages end in divorce, because as a society we have developed and embraced some very skewed views on what lasting love and true partnership actually entails.

Here are the facts about good relationships:

  • Happy, fulfilled people attract relationships that are in turn happy and fulfilling.
  • Those who seek another person to fill a void or cure loneliness in their life will always end up disappointed.
  • When you are unclear of what you truly want and need yourself, there is no way for you to know and understand what you truly need in a partner.
  • Finally, you must be the type of person/partner you want to attract.

Keep reading to learn how you can start the work necessary to manifest the life and relationship of your dreams. Law of attraction works if you use it properly and put in the honest, hard work it requires.

Get Clear on What You Want

The fact of the matter is you can't simply wish for a significant other to appear and expect the universe to drop the person into your lap.

So does this mean you can't manifest a life partner? No, of course not. You can, but it has to be done from the right frame of mind and with the proper expectations in place. In order to get law of attraction to work; you must be willing to work hard for what you want. It involves more than vision boards and imagination. It takes genuine self-assessment, a willingness to face yourself with total honesty and a desire to make the changes necessary within yourself that will facilitate the delivery of the “perfect” partner for you.

Anyone can state generalities. My perfect partner will be funny, sensitive, and hardworking. - yawn, boring. Of course we all want these general traits in a partner, but that isn't digging into the heart of what you truly want or need.

If you were to sit down right now could you list 100 things you would love to see in your ideal partner? How about 50? Could you write a detailed description of the specific personality traits you admire, want to attract and why?

For example go beyond a “good sense of humor” - that's a given, I don't think any of us are seeking a dullard. Perhaps, you'd prefer a partner with a dry, witty intelligent sense of humor as opposed to someone biting and sarcastic. If you tend to be too serious, perhaps someone who can see the lighter side of life would be a good complement. Those are better descriptions than “must have a sense of humor”.

As you contemplate your ideal partner, consider other people you know (not just romantically) and how their personalities blend with your own. For example, my grandfather was a self-made, entrepreneurial spirit who beat the odds and attained a moderate degree of success. He worked hard and their family was always financially stable. I loved that he took what he loved to do and created his own dream out of it. When I was considering my ideal partner, I looked to his example of someone who works hard, knows what they want, is ambitious but not greedy, who takes initiative and doesn't let setbacks defeat them.

I contemplated what I admired most about the people who helped shape my life and those were the traits I put down on my sheet of paper. I also took some time to consider personalities of those who I loved, but didn't always gel with. For me, this was an opinionated aunt who loves to argue, rather than debate or discuss a topic. I appreciated her passion and enthusiasm, but couldn't stand the “bully pulpit” tactics. She was always looking to "win" an argument, from a place of ego, not from a place of wanting to banter about ideas with an open mind. That helped me determine that I wanted someone who cherished a good debate - but not someone who wanted to argue for the sake of argument or to be "right".

This detailed analysis is where your perfect partners personality is developed. Through reflection, you gain clarity about precisely what you admire and want to see in someone you intend to spend your life with. You also discover what you cannot tolerate or accept.

As you do this, write it down. Take a piece of paper and fill it full of what you DO want. Only consider what you don't want for as long as it takes you to understand what you do need. Be very detailed and take your time with this exercise. This isn't a one sitting kind of thing, it takes weeks or months to complete it fully.

Why do this exercise?

Clarity of intention is necessary for attracting what we truly want.

Helps you to better understand yourself and those who have deeper personal understanding tend to attract healthier relationships.

Allows you to know very quickly when you meet someone if they are going to “make the grade”. Although this sounds dismissive, when you are dating with the intention of finding a long-term relationship it can be helpful to know and not waste time pursuing those who are not well suited.

Now chances are your ideal partner is not going to match your list 100%, but they should be aligned with the most important of your specifications and you will know almost right away if they embody enough of those traits to be worth pursuing, or if you should continue your search.

These simple techniques will help you in your quest for your perfect mate and prevent you from wasting time trying to make others fit a version of them you want to see. So many relationships are started with the idea of "he'll change" etc. In a true, well-matched partnership, the other person shouldn't have to change for you to be happy. If you are expecting the other person to become someone else, it's a good indication that you are not with the right partner.

Seek Your Own Fulfillment First

You Must BE what it is you hope to attract

This is the second part of the equation. Too many people have the illusion that another person is what makes you happy, or fulfills or completes you somehow. Untrue – and a false belief that leads to a lot of lonely married people out there. If you seek fulfillment vicariously you will always end up lonely and frustrated.

Law of Attraction states we must be what we hope to attract. For example, if you want more prosperity, be more generous. If you want more opportunities, be grateful for what you've already accomplished etc. If you want emotionally healthy and stable relationships, be sure you are emotionally stable and healthy yourself. This is the kicker, because most of us do not want to admit when we have shortcomings in this area that may be leading us astray.

If you want to be fulfilled in a relationship, you have to find what fulfills you personally first. If you are empty yourself, you cannot give to others what you do not already have within you. Fulfillment starts with the self, and then flows outward towards others.

Makes sense - so how do you do this?

Consider the first exercise where we painted a picture of the perfect partner. As you did this, you likely started to recognize things about yourself as well. Perhaps you discovered some aspects of your own personality that you would like to further develop. Start here.

For example, say you are very introverted and shy yourself, but you are usually attracted to people who are very outgoing and confident. Start working on things that will help you become more confident and outgoing. Sure, you may never become a social butterfly, but you can do things that instill more confidence and get you closer to where you want to be. This builds you up and helps align your energies with the right partners.

Perhaps as you made your list you decided your partner would have a lot of the same interests or hobbies you enjoy or are curious about. Take time to pursue those hobbies or interests and you will not only find something personally rewarding, but may find opportunities to meet someone who enjoys the same things you do.

The more you know yourself, the easier it is to find that what fulfills you. When you find personal satisfaction and peace you will naturally attract others who are fulfilled and at peace. After all, no one wants a needy, clingy partner who depends on them for their own sense of self-worth. If you find you tend to become these less than desirable things - jealous, insecure, etc. take time to correct these bad habits by building your own sense of self-worth and value.

In short: Become the type of partner you wish to attract.

Recommended Resources

Below are two books I personally recommend for those looking to better understand universal laws and how to find/maintain truly healthy, happy relationships. Many of us are never taught how to ensure that our relationships are healthy; learning more about human behavior (including our own) helps guide healthier choices.

Have You Used Universal Laws Successfully?

See results

© 2012 Christin Sander


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    • Micheal Crudge profile image

      Micheal crudg 

      5 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      Great Hub!

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      5 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks for the great comment SidKemp - so glad you enjoyed the hub I appreciate you stopping by :)

    • SidKemp profile image

      Sid Kemp 

      5 years ago from Boca Raton, Florida (near Miami and Palm Beach)

      Thanks for such an honest article on the genuine self-understanding and hard work that it takes to make the Law of Attraction work. I hope many people dig in and make this work. And those who do will be more ready for the hard work of keeping a wonderful relationship going, too.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      5 years ago from Midwest

      why thank you Horseback for the comment and compliment. I do believe these principles can work either way. Men can certainly apply the same principles to find an ideal partner.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      You see now ,There you go ! Its not a guy thing to be able to use that Law ! A man basicly begs a woman affections , where you !..... Oh you beautiful women are just attractive enough to rule the world ....Ha ha !.......Has anyone said you're awesome lately !........Ed

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      5 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks everyone for the lovely comments - they are much appreciated. Cathy - thank you for sharing your story :) it was great to read and see more validation that the laws really do work :)

    • Cathy Fidelibus profile image

      Ms. Immortal 

      5 years ago from NJ

      Great information, I am a big believer of the law of attraction.

      I witnessed it many times in my life.

      Here is one story in particular, which still amazes me. A couple years ago I wrote a detailed description in a journal of what I wanted in a soul mate. My boyfriend who I had been with for about a year and half, was helping me organize the attic and found the book. Not realizing what it was, he opened it and read the first page, which was the description of my soul mate. He put the book down and said in amazement, "I have just read a description of me."

      I read it too and was surprised to see that I had indeed described him to a tee.

      By the way, we are still together and very much in love.

      It really works!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 

      5 years ago from Singapore

      This is very interesting, Christin. Great advice, and I personally am a fan of the law of attraction. Truly, we must be what we wish to attract. Thanks for sharing, and I share too.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 

      5 years ago from New Delhi, India

      That's an interesting one. Well written and good advice. Even after finding the right partner, successful relationships are built, slowly and gradually, step by step. And both partners have to make some changes in themselves to sustain the relationship.

      Thanks for sharing this interesting hub.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      5 years ago

      Your statement; "Law of Attraction states we must be what we hope to attract." is very true! Like attracts like in the long run!

      If you can imagine your ideal mate in detail down to what he or she enjoys doing, vacationing, movies they'd like, places they'd shop, hobbies/interests they'd have, neighborhoods they'd live in, charities they'd volunteer time towards, stores/malls they'd shop in, occupation they'd have, gym they'd work out in....etc Then all you have to do is (Be There). Action is always required even if it is only accepting an invitation to attend an event or a suggestion. Trust your instincts.

    • Angela Blair profile image

      Angela Blair 

      5 years ago from Central Texas

      Wonderful and on target article. My Granny used to say, however, "if two people agree on everything one of them is unnecessary" and I also believe that's true. Compatibility is absolutely necessary but being in total agreement on everything in life would get boring indeed. Great Hub and super read. Best/Sis

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      5 years ago from Midwest

      :) Thanks suzette your comments are always appreciated and always make me smile!

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 

      5 years ago from Taos, NM

      Become the type of person you want to attract. This is great advice and this article is thought provoking and very thoughtfully written. When one stops looking is when the "significant other" is found. I agree, one has to be happy within oneself before one can attract another. This is sage advice and wonderfully written.


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